I arrived at work today unsure. I didn't know how much honey nut cheerios I had left in the break room for breakfast. I stared at the box for a minute before touching it, knowing that I wouldn't have to look in the box to know if there was enough...

Alas, there was not.

Plan B usually involves a pack of crackers from the old vending machine, followed by a morning of snacking on Halloween leftovers. It ain't the food pyramid they teach at Vanderlyn Elementary, but it's what's available so who am I to complain?

I took my fifty cents to the snacker, only to find that our new vending company has increased the price of a pack of crackers from forty cents to FIFTY FIVE FUCKING CENTS!!

There are two things wrong with that. Number one is that the increase of 37.5% for six crackers is absurd. I know what those crackers cost and I usually keep some around for situations just like this, but I understand the guy needs to stay in business. But to charge ten cents per cracker is insane!! Actually, it's five cents per cracker, since each smokehouse cheddar cracker sandwich is made of two crackers, but you get my point.

Part B of my protest is that fifty five cents may be the dumbest price for anything in the vendor. Make everything in intervals of quarters. Period. No one carries around nickels. They're too heavy for what they're worth. It's communist to charge fifty five cents in a vending machine.

There is a third problem as well. The machine takes no paper money. That's right...it's silver only. AND, to top it off, it won't make any fucking change!! So, if you don't have two quarters and a nickel and all you have is three quarters, then the toastchees are gonna cost you SEVENTY FIVE CENTS!!

And I forgot to mention that when I took the first bite out of my first cracker, it was so stale it nearly turned into fluid on my tongue. I managed to choke that bite down, but the rest hit the trash. Now, I'm out fifty five cents, I've got stale crackers rotting in my gut, and I'm still hungry.

The answer is a late run to Chik-fil-a, but even that blows because I will lose my rockstar parking spot when I head out this late in the morning. The only benefit of arriving at work at 6:20am is that I get to park closer than the handicapped spots, which kicks ass.

Now, some ass-clown that shows up for work at 8:25am is going to find the parking equivalent of five bucks in the sofa cushions and take my spot.

It's just not fair. Maybe I will put a cone in the spot when I leave to save it for when I return.

I'll let you know how it goes....