Guess who made this cute little scrunchy?

Here's a side view of said scrunchie.

most people wouldn't notice how funny her socks are...



egad



funny.



Staged? Maybe. Funny? Absolutely.



dumb blondes are awesome.



Bama fans rule. Nice tat and cup holder combo.

I was obviously thumbing thru some old photos, and what did I happen to stumble upon?



Why this is JBud at my wife's surprise 30th birthday party. The 2000 Pepsi 400 was on tv right at this moment.

Care to ask him who won?

and this is just one of my favorite pictures of her. She has a little owie on her lip that adds something, and it's just sweet.

Here's another fine bathing suit selection from 2003. What is it they say about horizontal stripes?

Now, she tears leaves off of our bushes and leaves them in front of the bunny, thinking he'll eat them. Of course, we tear them up and throw some away so she believes it.

Hey, who's getting hurt here?

one of Lauren's many cute bathing suits. this one was from the summer of 2003.

This is her at a "game ranch," where there are pseudo domesticated animals, including the squirrel that she has just scared to death by screaming at it.

Pretty sweet, huh? She's making the cow sound in this one.

I would have been posting pictures all along. Holy shit, is this going to be fun. And, it's going to add lots of insight. I will now post pictures of food and my nephew driving and Lauren acting gooberish and other stuff.

Stay tuned...




This is a photo posting test. Please proceed to tell me how cute this child is.

So I pounded out this angry manifesto against Jeremy Roenick and basically 95% of the NHL players in light of recent developments in their negotiations for a new collective bargaining agreement.

Anyway, I finished, and without hitting save as a draft first, I clicked "allow popups" so my spell checker would work.

That cleared my fucking window and my entire blog was lost.

Fuck.

Anyway, here's the column from ESPN that shows how big of an asshole Roenick is:

PRESTO, Pa. -- Philadelphia Flyers center Jeremy Roenick has some advice for hockey fans who blame the NHL lockout on players' greed: Once it's finally settled, stay home.
"We're going to try to make it better for everybody, period, end of subject. And if you don't realize that, then don't come," said Roenick, who spoke at a charity golf event he played in over the weekend.
"We don't want you at the rink, we don't want you in the stadium, we don't want you to watch hockey," he said Saturday at the Mario Lemieux Celebrity Invitational in suburban Pittsburgh.
The NHL and the players' association have been in almost daily negotiations to get a new collective bargaining agreement after the lockout that canceled the 2004-05 season.
"I say personally, to everybody who called us 'spoiled,' you guys are just jealous ... we have tried so, so hard to get this game back on the ice," Roenick said.
Like New York Rangers right winger Jaromir Jagr, who came out last week and admitted that the union's gamble didn't pay off, Roenick said he doesn't think the players can get a good deal at this point.
"I know we are going to give up probably more than any union has ever given up in the history of [professional] sports and, to me, I think that's enough to bring the fans back -- to know what their players are going to give up as much as they have in the last year," Roenick said. "If people are going to chastise professional athletes who are making a lot of money they need to look at the deal we are probably going to end up signing in the next three weeks."

I'm not typing all of that again. Jeremy, you're an asshole. You're a greedy, out of touch, no good shitass. I hope you spend the rest of your life getting booed to your face, having your house egged and rolled, and that every time you go to the grocery store, someone lets a cart go free and dings your car with it.

Fucking prima donna.

(For those of you that read my last blog, I just wanted to let you know that I will not be continuing my review of spin's top 100 records. The further down the list I went, the worse it got, and there comes a point where I feel like I'm being lectured like a petulent child for not having a more more well-rounded musical collection, when I already consider my listening tastes quite diverse. There comes a point where if you keep telling me that The Beastie Boys and Beck are geniuses, then I will begin to believe that you're fucking retarded and thus, your lists has zero credibility).

I now return you to your regularly scheduled bloggage.

I don't know if I mentioned this, but ever since Lauren had her new baby epiphany, she spends a lot of her day talking into my bride's bellybutton, hoping for some sort of response. She tells the baby about her day, about what's on tv, about what she's eating, and she asks the baby all kinds of questions like "how'd you get in there?" and "do you like chicken baby?" and "do you like scooby doo baby?" Really. It's gone past bizarre into some wierd falsetto realm of bonding that surprises, scares and delights me.

Anyway, we are trying to take notes now and keep track of the questions as well as the names Lauren comes up with. We told her yesterday that, although Maisy was a nice name, there was already a cartoon mouse and a peace plant in our den that shared the same name. Therefore, we were going to shelve Maisy for right now and pursue some other options. She seemed stunned, but took it okay finally and we hope that's the last we hear about baby Maisy.

I am shocked at how fast this pregnancy is going compared to last time. My friend Kurt told me that would happen. Apparently on the first one, your whole life comes to a screeching halt as you stare at the growing abdominal mound non-stop for 38 weeks, just wondering, worrying and generally feeling anxious.

I now understand why so many people have so few pictures of the second child.

The second one is, while exciting, kind of old news. Also, you are so fucking busy chasing the first one around, you don't have a lot of time in the day to worry or fret about the second one. It's not less special. You as parents just have less time. Hell, I'm starting to wonder how parents that have three, four or (gulp) five or more kids can even prove that they exist. I mean, if you're holding the hand of one child while crossing the street and carrying the other one in the other arm, what exactly do you use to push the button on the camera?

We are scheduled to find out what we are having Wednesday. Well, what Molly's having. All I'm having currently are hunger pangs for babyback ribs, brisket and some DizzyPigBBQ salmon. People have been asking me frequently what I want, if I really want a boy this time, blah blah blah.

My answer is the same as last time, only I think I mean it even more now. What I want is a healthy, ten fingered, ten toed, two armed, two legged, over 5.5 pound but under 8 pound baby. If it's another girl, that's fine. The whole "carry on the family name" thing is bullshit anyway. This isn't the middle ages in Europe. Our family moves forward either way, and if it doesn't, it's been a good run.

However, if we do have a boy, then all that bullshit I spouted in the previous paragraph is rendered moot and doesn't matter one iota. I will be the special one that brought upon this family the ultimate gift: a male heir. It will be the first male grandchild on my Father's side of the family after seven tries. It's one thing in the family line of importance to produce the first grandchild and heir, regardless of gender. It's apparently quite another if you can produce the first and only male heir. I expect such a child would be showered with praise and gifts...kind of like the current child already is.

So I guess the only real practical difference for us if it's a boy is that there will be a lot more pee flying around the room in the short run, and a lot more pee on the floor for next 18 years.

Like I said, either way I'll be thrilled and can't wait.

Oh, and now that I've written all of this down, I know it sounds like I want a boy, and that's not true. I will welcome either, and will be thrilled either way. Both have advantages and disadvantages. I imagine that I will be happy my first child is a girl while she is hating my wife for several years at a time. I imagine that I will wish I had another daughter if my child is a boy and he spends seven years (or more) hating me and thinking I'm a dumbass.

I guess I'm saying what I said last time, and that's that I just want my wife and baby to be okay. I hope that's not too much to ask.

Stay tuned as I will most assuredly begin carrying a notepad to keep track of things Lauren says to the baby and also the stupid things my wife says as the pregnancy related dumbening continues....

I was sitting here glancing at the new copy of Spin magazine and looking forward to their "100 best record from 1985 to 2005" and thinking "Hmmmm....wonder what my 10 favorites are?" when I stumbled across this photo essay about the 70's in New York City in general and Studio 54 in particular.

You know what you missed by NOT being in NY in the 70's?

I contend that you missed nothing.

Look thru these pictures and see if this is something you wish you'd been in the middle of:

linky-poo

Anywho, let's get back to the top 100 records of the last 20 years, and then I'll give you mine. See, I was graduating in 1986 from my lily-white high school and was just getting exposed to different music besides the usual Zeppelin, Neil Young, Hendrix, The Doors, and other crap people listened to before, while and after they got high. Or when they worked in the kitchen at Italian restaurants.

By the way, this will either be several blogs, or the longest blog you've ever seen from me. We'll play that part by ear.

1) Radiohead - OK Computer, 1997 as number one.
Nope. Not even close. I like a lot of different kinds of music but I will never ever get radiohead. For that matter, I seldom seem to get the stuff that "those" people get and they can't figure out why I don't see it. Well I don't. I just don't. Let's move on.

2) Public Enemy - It Takes a Nation of Millions To Hold Us Back, 1988
Totally kickass cd. Chuck-D is still the co-voice of gangsta rap that meant something, along with Ice-Cube with and without NWA. I can still hear Bring the Noise and that kickass hook.

3) Nirvana - Nevermind, 1991
I like Nirvana okay, and I enjoyed the Unplugged immensely, but to me, they just fell into this and weren't close to the first or the best grunge band. I'll take Pearl Jam's 10 or anything by Soundgarden over this one. Don't get me wrong. It's top 100 and probably top 20, but no more than that.

4) Pavement - Slanted and Enchanted, 1992
Nope. Not it. It sounds good and that's fine, but come on. Fourth best in 20 years? Nuh uh. Not for me.

5) The Smiths - The Queen is Dead, 1986
I'm gonna sound like a tool here (as I often do), but I never got the The Smiths/Morrisey thing at all. That shit made me suicidal after about five minutes. I liked the Call, The Cure, The Church, The Outfield, The Firm, The Cult and The Alarm, but this one never worked for me.

I am getting the feeling that this list is going to go this way alot. I am going to speed this up and save the commentary for a precious few.

6) Pixies - Surfer Rosa, 1988
Nope. I put Pixies in with Talking Heads and the like.

7) De La Soul - Three Feet High and Rising, 1989
Umm...no. And that "Me, Myself and I" made me crabby almost the day it came out, and it didn't make me feel better the millionth time I heard it.

8) Prince - Sign O' The Times, 1987
Yep. this one's a top tenner. If this list started in 1984 instead of 1985, this is a top fiver. Great and ridiculously talented artist. Quirky, but the stuff he put out back then is timeless.

9) PJ Harvey - Rid of Me, 1993
Jesus Christ. 50 foot queenie? No.

10) N.W.A. - Straight Outta Compton, 1988
Hell yes. Hell fucking yes. This record kicked / kicks total ass. It was the first really public view of gangsta rap proper when the other 49 states said "Hmmm...what's all the ruckus from South Central?" This record had "Straight Outta Compton" as well as the polarizing "Fuck the Police," which led to Dr. Dre and Ice Cube getting mail from the FBI. That's serious shit for two guys in their early 20's (barely). Buy this. Buy two and give one to a friend.

11) U2 - Achtung Baby, 1991
Okay. Let's start with the fact that in the time period in question, there wasn't a bigger rock band in the world than U2. Period. There just wasn't. A U2 concert was a religious experience. And the album that made them megastars, Joshua Tree, is listed BELOW this one? Please. The credibility of the Spin list is slipping at warp speed. Their desire to be off-center is rendering their opinion valueless.

12) Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique, 1989
Uh uh. Nope. These guys sucked and still do. I liked "License to Ill" because I was 18, drunk and a freshman in college and the record was fun. But I always thought the Beasties were a joke. You know, a put on. Like one day I'd wake up and someone like Adrock would be on M-tv saying "surprise!!!" Only they didn't.

13) Husker Du - New Day Rising, 1985
I only bought this record, but my dorm neighbors had a bunch of their stuff and I liked it. I liked it more when I was very drunk and couldn't work the stereo.

14) Sonic Youth - DayDream Nation, 1988
This is another band that goes in the same pile as Pixies. I never got it. I felt like it was joke that the whole room laughed at, and I didn't. Blech.

15) Liz Phair - Exile to Guyville, 1993
The lyrics may not be healthy for your pre-teen kids to listen to, but Liz Phair rocks. I don't think I've heard a song of hers that I don't like, even though sometimes all the talk about "I just want your fresh young jimmy Cramming slamming ramming in me" can be a little too much. Still, she rocks and is pretty hot.

16) Beck - Odelay, 1996
Oh fuck no. No fucking way. I would just as soon beat this guy to death with his two turntables and a microphone as look at him. He's the Beastie Boys of the 90's. Is anyone really listening to this shit?

17) NAS - Illmatic, 1994
Sorry. In 1994 I was out of my rap phase and full on into my Hootie and the Blowfish, Edwin McCain, Garth Brooks phase. I'll take a pass on this one.

18) Guns N' Rose - Appetite for Destruction, 1987
If Spin and other magazines that make lists didn't have their heads collectively up Beck and Sonic Youth's ass, they'd admit that, without question, THIS was the greatest fucking record of the period in question and is top two for me all-time. With the exception of the by-then established U2, there was no bigger and badder rock band in the World. I contend that Motley Crue started acting worse during this period to look badder than they were to compete.

Guns were young, broke, desperate and angry, and had a lot to say. Everyone knew that it could never last, and it didn't. There was too much rage. But that record (and the "Live Like a Suicide" EP should be in every CD case and ipod on the planet. Shit, Ipods should sell with this on it.

From the hammering opening riff of "Welcome to the Jungle" to the anger and violence of "It's so Easy" to "Nightrain" to the paranoia of "Out Ta Get Me" thru the heroine story of "Mr. Brownstone" to the arena rock thunder of "Paradise City" and beyond to the sad "My Michelle" to the big power ballad "Sweet Child O' Mine" to the extra highspeed "You're Crazy" and "Anything Goes" to the relatively calm "Rocket Queen," this record had everything. Slash was and is a brilliant guitarist, Steven Adler's heavy drums, Duff McKagen's punk influenced bass and Izzy Stradlin's rhythm guitar was perfect. This band and this record were, without question, the music industry's version of "The Perfect Storm."

19) Hole - Live Thru This, 1994
Before she went totally ass-over-teakettle crazy, I had a soft spot in my heart for Courtney Love. She seemed the more real and sincere of the two in that marriage. I also thought she was talented and brought something new. I'm just sorry she went so damned crazy.


Okay, here's where we're gonna take a short break. I am reading ahead on the list and, HOLY SHIT!! This list blows.

I am, for your benefit, going to list the remaining 81 records. Be warned.

20) Wu-Tang Clan - Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers), 1993
As I said, the blowfish were in "full effect" by then, so I passed.

21) Public Enemy - Fear of a Black Planet, 1990
Great record by a great band / group that helped, along with NWA, to change how we hear hip pop, rap, etc.

22) My Bloody Valentine - Loveless, 1991
Who? This was a movie from the 80's that I enjoyed, but I don't recall the record.

23) Outkast -Stankonia, 2000
These two brothers are awfully talented, and this is a fun and entertaining record.

24) Seater-Kinney - Dig Me Out, 1997
I have no idea. None. I mean, I'm pop cultury and all, and I've never even heard of this band? How on earth are they in the top 25?

25) Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral, 1994
Ridiculously talented Trent Reznor-led band. The album spoke to enough people that, on what was effectively his death's door album, Johnny Cash recorded "Hurt." Either version works and it's amazing that something from one man's soul could say so much being interprited through another's.

26) Bjork - Post, 1995
Two words: Fjuck No.

27) The Cure- The Head on the Door, 1985
Huge record. Robert Smith's makeup and frumpy clothing aside, this was an astoundingly powerful record, highlighted by "In Between Days." Everytime I see that HP commercial I want to run out and buy another Cure record.

28) Oasis - Definitely Maybe, 1994
While shit on by the media as Beatles copycats and doing themselves no favors by saying that they were bigger than the Beatles, this album was very good. Simple, clean lines, great guitar and good vocals. Sometimes it ain't rocket science and, as these boys would prove later, that's good. Because they sure weren't rocket scientists.

29) Fugazi - 13 Songs, 1989
Nothing. Another top 30 record I've never heard of. I'm getting a bit embarrassed.

30) The Notorious B.I.G., Ready to Die
This may be sacriliege, but I didn't get this. I liked and still like rap, I like lots of different music, but to me, this was nothing more than mushmouth on CD. I tried to listen to it and tried to like it. I just couldn't. And while I'd like to lay this at the feet of "oh, he's dead and a martyr" blah blah blah, it isn't that. Tupac was insanely talented and I love listening to his stuff. But ol' Biggy never did anything for me. Except make me want to get my fat ass off the couch more.

31) Dinosaur Jr. - You're Living All Over Me, 1987
meh...

32) The Replacements - Tim, 1985
I've apparently never given these guys too much of my time, but I've enjoyed what I've heard. I saw them in concert with Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers around '93 or so, and they were great live. At the time, though, they were just another opening band in a string of them I was seeing at the time.

33) Ice Cube - AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted, 1990
Cube and Dre are persons one and one A as far as I'm concerned. They were and are the heart and soul of pure gangsta rap.

34) Elliott Smith - Either / Or, 1997
Who? Isn't he that British guy that does infomercials?

35) Dr. Dre - The Chronic, 1992
Maybe the greatest solo rap record ever. Among other things, this record was the coming out party for now superstar Snoop Dee Oh double G. "This record's Nuthin' but a G Thang" kicked total ass. This is a must own. Period.

36) Pixies - Doolittle, 1989
Asked and answered.

37) Guided By Voices - Bee Thousand
Huh? What did you say?

38) A Tribe Called Quest - The Low End Theory, 1991
I remember liking it but not owning it.

39) Lucinda Williams - Lucinda Williams, 1988
I think she was on the first Survivor, but I'm not sure.

40) Run-D.M.C. - Raising Hell, 1986
Easily the biggest boom of any rap album ever. It not only made their career, it saved Aerosmith's as well. Astoundingly well done record that's a blast to listen to even now, nearly 20 years later.

41) Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream, 1993
What makes me laugh is the publicity shot for the record makes Billy Corgan look like he's about eight years old. But the Pumpkins were amazing and this one killed too. Not Meloncholy killed, but still great. I was listening to some this morning and caught myself thinking "Man, it's a shame they couldn't keep their shit together. The world's short about 6 good records because of them.

42) Jane's Addiction - Nothing Shocking, 1988
Just like Guns N' Roses was the hard rock breakout, this record brought a whole other layer of hard-rock / bizarro folks out into the open. That summer was the summer of Jane's Addiction, T.S.O.L. and lots of other great bands. But Jane's was different. Before beer commercials, Mountain Song, Pigs in Zen and Jane Says were kicking ass. That record moved me.

One funny thing I recently read was that Coors Light spent more to rent "Mountain Song" for their commercials than the record company did to market the album. Yikes.

43) Boogie Down Productions -Criminal Minded, 1988
I only know that this is where KRS-1 started and was well before his work with REM on that "Hey Hey Hey" song.

44) Green Day - Dookie, 1994
This album is one of those few that changed music. This brought punk, or a form of it, back to the forefront and out of the basements of northern California. This record is full of great songs that don't lose their listenability at all. And I remember being shocked that someone got away with calling their record "dookie." Good stuff.


From now on, I'm only mentioning notables, because this list is killing me. Stupid lists.

45) Kanye West - College Dropout, 2004
Fucker had a fit at an awards show about Gretchen Wilson winning best new artist instead of him. What a baby.

48) Radiohead - Kid A, 2000
What is it with these guys? The more I hear about them, the less I ever want to listen to them.

49) Lauren Hill - The Miseducation of Lauren Hill, 1998
This was after the Fugees but before insanity set in, and she was amazing. I hope that someday she can be again.

50) New Order - Low-Life, 1985
Blech. Same Smiths-like, Morrissey type of British haircut shit I could never get or stand.

51-55
Nirvana - In Utero, 1993 - already too fucked up for this to work for me. I have no sympathy for heroin junkies anymore.
Beastie Boys - License to Ill, 1986 - Yay!!!
Rage Against the Machine - The Battle of Los Angeles, 1999 - Bad politics. Good music. Great anger.
The Breeders - Last Splash, 1993 -I like that cannonball song, but it never made me want to buy the record.
Chemical Brothers - Dig Your Own Hole, 1997 - Once I read techno, I just shut down. Sorry.

56-60
PJ Harvey - To Bring You My Love, 1995 - asked and answered.
The White Stripes - White Blood Cellsm 2991 - Just got it on the old Ipod, so I'll have to get back to you.
Metallica - Master of Puppets, 1986 - Holy shit, does that cd kick ass. Sanitarium may be my favorite "turn it up to 11 and blow the fucking speakers in the car" song. Truly amazing.
Modest Mouse - The Lonesome Crowded West, 1997 - Not yet.
De La Soul - De La Soul Is Dead, 1991 - No no no!! I can't fucking stand that "the groove is in the " song. ARRRRGGGHHH!!!

61-100 to come tomorrow or Monday. This is tiring....

This was about the best Father's Day ever. Of course, my daughter makes every day great (as does my wife), but this one was a doozie.

My daughter turned three in April, so she's able to remember stuff from the night before (like when her mother tells her to come in and say "Happy Father's Day Daddy.") That was nice. She climbed in bed with us and let me watch the last 15 minutes of nascar: 360 on tape, and then it was downstairs for my presents. I got a kick ass card, a book of photos of my Lauren being cute, and 25 minute video of pictures put to music that basically covered my daughter's entire life with us so far.

I know. Those video things sound dumb. But they are not only NOT dumb, they make your family room very VERY dusty. So does a three year old asking "What wrong, Daddy?"

Sunday was also a day of eat whatever I wanted, so it was Mickey D's for breakfast. We took an 11am trip to the pool for the second day in a row and had a delightful time with Mr. Pete's dad, Miss Pat and Little Pete as well as the in-law neighbors and half of their kids.

We had sammiches and a cold beer at noon on an 85 degree Georgia spring day, had quite a few laughs, and headed home at around 1pm.

Lauren fell asleep on the couch at about 1:01pm and was done for two hours.

That was my time for cooking prep, a little light cleaning in the kitchen and watching the races while the wife and sister-in-law (S-I-L from now on), went to the store for that evening's slow cooked chicken and other fixin's.

I had several more beers throughout a delightful Sunday afternoon whose only hiccup was a little "accident" during the nap on the sofa. No big whoop. That's gonna happen. Besides, it was just pool water anyway.

Anyway, we played a lot and ran around a lot and had a great afternoon.

Because of the nap, we let Lauren stay up a little later than normal. Usually, she'd be in bed by 8pm and asleep by 8:05pm. At around 8:30pm or so while I was throwing a frisbee with the boys, I heard Lauren yell "Heather!!! The baby's in THERE!!!" and pointing to my wife's stomach.

It's like, after these many weeks of talking about it and talking about it that it hit. Right then. She was delighted.

And now, all she wants to do is talk to the baby by yelling into Molly's belly button or look into said belly button and try to see the baby. I help this along by telling Lauren that "I" can see the baby. Maybe she just needs to look harder.

Good stuff.

We are scheduled to find out what "it" is on July 6th, so I'll keep you posted. Unless I decide not to tell. It's Bobby Brown after all. (Figure it out. I can wait).

Also, I have started getting some pretty good submissions for names. I like that my one internets friend Ethel (from a previous blog) is trying to incorporate my screen name that I use for some messageboards. It's TMLRacing (Originally Todd Molly Lauren for TML), and she thinks that I can maintain my parental balance if we name this kid a name that starts with R.

So here are this week's nominees:

Ryan Patrick

Rachel Ann
Rachel Marie
Rachel Kathleen

And with Rachel, the Rachel version is much better than Rachael. That's too much like Michael and Michael = wacko jacko, and that is bad.

See? She's really giving this some thought and putting real work into it. I only wish the rest of you cared enough to help so we don't make a mistake and name our kid Wendy or Richard (I think the name Dick Burger automatically makes you a homicidal maniac, but I can't be sure).

Keep those cards and letters coming. The name suggestion game is one of my favorites.

Oh, and one more thing. If any single solitary one of you (I am talking to my friends and family) watch that fucking sociopath Jennifer Wilbanks aka "the runaway whore" on TV tonight (I won't mention the network or show), then you are disowned. Forever. This madness must stop.
Until next time....

I swore I wasn't going to talk about this crazy, horse-faced bitch anymore. I swore it. But now, I turn on the television to make sure that there are at least five thousand different forms of that NBC show Law & Order (including Law & Order: CI, Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: TBJ and soon to TV's near you, Law & Order: FU Dick Wolf).

Anyway, I was flipping around (actually trying to find Beauty and the Geek on ABC) when I saw a Katie Couric / Dateline preview saying that next Tuesday night, Gwinnett County's craziest runaway, Ms. Wilbanks, would be going on TV with her stupid fucking fiance to talk about "her story."

Then, surprisingly (or not depending upon how cynical you are, this release hit the news yesterday just in time for the six o''clock news on the East Coast:

NEW YORK, June 15 /PRNewswire/ -- ReganMedia has acquired all media rights to the life stories of Jennifer Wilbanks and John Mason. ReganMedia is a multimedia company engaged in the production of motion pictures, television, live stage, books, and commercial products. In addition to continuing its wildly successful book publishing program, ReganMedia is currently developing and producing a variety of television programming and theatrical motion pictures for a wide range of studios and networks including HBO, A&E, NBC, WE, Discovery, AMC, FOX, VH1, Universal and 20th Century Fox.

ReganMedia is currently developing a scripted television project based on the Wilbanks-Mason story. This project is not with NBC, nor has any compensation been received from NBC for any Wilbanks-Mason project. ReganMedia always obtains the right to have control over all aspects of media development of its projects including any press interviews.

Now, the fact that this douchebag is still with her tells me he's even crazier than she is. I mean, she clearly ran to bang some stranger or not so stranger, panicked, and made up her idiotic tale, and you're STILL WITH HER?? Run, idiot!!! Run!!

Secondly, isn't this story over? Is this lunatic actually going to tell the truth about her trip? Of course not. If anything remotely entertaining for me to hear happened on that human trash-filled bus to Vegas, I'm sure her answer will be "you can read about that in my upcoming book "I'm a crazy horse-faced whore" by Pendant Publishing or some such nonsense by ReganMedia.

Oh, and did everyone at every fucking network in the country and every publishing house forget the law that says "IT'S ILLEGAL TO PROFIT FROM THE COMMITMENT OF A CRIME!!"

You know, the same law that keeps guys like Scott Peterson from writing children's stories about how much he loved his wife and unborn child and profiting from them is supposed to keep crazy-as-a-shithouse-rat girl from writing a "tell all" and profiting from it. Even though we all know that her "tell-all" won't tell a fucking thing. I mean, how could she not tell the truth to just one person on the phone, but we should all expect that she'll tell it to little old us in hardback form for the low price of $24.95?

I hope Danny Porter and Gwinnett County find a way to not only re-open her case, but also find ways to tack on additional charges AND sue her in civil court for full reimbursement of the rest of the money spent to find her PLUS damages. And in the process, I hope she gets kidnapped on the way to the courthouse by a Mexican man and a white woman, and they take her on a 30-state tour of our great country in a white, windowless van, taking turns hitting her over the head with the fucking yellow pages.

I mean, here's a woman who has made it all the more difficult for some women to report rape, battery and other sexual crimes committed upon them, and instead of treating her as the liar, thief and bullshit artist that she is, Katie Couric is the winner of the "who can kiss this bitch's ass the most to get her on their network?" Oh, and I'm sure NBC paid her and her poodle of a fiance to be on their over-promoted episode of dateline as well.

What's next? Selling that ugly blanket / head cover via silent auction at Sotheby's? Maybe putting some of her locks of hair on E-Bay?

I swear to God, I hope the runaway bride gets struck and killed by a runaway car. Or horse trailer. Or better yet, by a runaway bus full of psychopaths, or a bus full of runaway psychopaths or something.

Oh, and ReganMedia should have to pay a fine for getting involved in this cesspool. Shame on them, shame on horseface and her man on a leash, and shame on NBC.

Oh, and if you watch it, shame on you too.

(WARNING!! THIS BLOG ENTRY IS VERY LONG AND CONTAINS MATERIAL NOT SUITED FOR CHILDREN, ALTHOUGH YOU SHOULD TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT THIS STUFF).

Now, what you are about to read is true and factual, interlaced with some personal opinions. It will not be entirely suitable for children, so if you let them read this, it's your fault.

I have, to the best of my knowledge, refrained from commenting on the Michael Jackson trial.

Well, that's not entirely true. I have taken a moment here and there to comment when someone says "I don't think he did it" or "He's just misunderstood" or "he's never had a normal life."

My comments have basically been "are you out of your fucking mind? Of COURSE he did it!! And no rough childhood or anything else makes it okay to victimize children."

These brief rants are usually met with looks that are more than a little uncomfortable, which is okay. It means you struck a nerve or scared them into not discussing it around you again.

But today, I have decided that I must comment after reading the information that came both from "the king of pop's" website as well as his "personal advisor" Jesse Jackson on television yesterday. And just so I don't mis-quote this, I will post verbatim the quotes from the Fox website and here is the link to said story:


LOS ANGELES — Declaring himself "completely innocent" of child molestation charges, Michael Jackson (search) said Sunday that he is the victim of a conspiracy and asked fans around the world to pray for him.
In an interview with the Rev. Jesse Jackson (search), the entertainer would not elaborate on his conspiracy belief, citing the court-imposed gag order that prevents him from discussing his trial in detail.
However, he said he believes he is just the latest of several "black luminaries" to be unjustly accused, citing former South African President Nelson Mandela (search) and former heavyweight boxing champions Muhammad Ali and Jack Johnson as others.

"I just want to say to fans in every corner of the Earth, every nationality, every race, every language, I love you from the bottom of my heart," Jackson said toward the end of the hourlong interview broadcast live on the Internet.
"I would love your prayers and your goodwill, and please be patient and be with me and believe in me because I am completely, completely innocent. But please know a lot of conspiracy is going on as we speak," he said.
Jackson also said he is in "intense pain" since falling in the shower earlier this month, although he said at another point that his health was perfect. He arrived late to court on March 10, wearing pajama bottoms, a T-shirt and walking stiffly, and his representatives said at the time he had been treated at a hospital for a serious back injury.


"I was coming out of the shower and I fell and all my body weight — I'm pretty fragile — all my body weight fell against my rib cage," Jackson said. "And I bruised my lung very badly."
He said the injury has caused him to cough up blood and was so painful that it brought him to tears in court one day when he was seen wiping his eyes with a tissue. He said he remains under a doctor's care.
When Jesse Jackson noted how thin he is, the pop star replied that he has never been a big eater, something he said has always concerned his mother and others, including actress Elizabeth Taylor (search), a friend.
"Elizabeth Taylor used to feed me, to hand-feed me, at times," he said.
"Please, I don't want anybody to think I'm starving, I'm not." he quickly added. "My health is perfect, actually."
The entertainer also denied recent rumors that he is teetering on the verge of bankruptcy.
"That's not true at all. It's just one of their many schemes to embarrass me. It's to drag me through the mud," he said.
However, he indicated some sort of battle is under way over the music catalog he owns that contains the rights to songs by the Beatles, Little Richard and others.
"There's a big fight going on, right now as we speak, about that," he said. "I can't comment on it, but there's a lot of conspiracy out there."
He spent the first 40 minutes of the interview reminiscing warmly about his career, his family and such childhood musical heroes as James Brown, Jackie Wilson, Sammy Davis Jr. and the Beatles, saying he grew up in a household filled with music.
Jesse Jackson told The Associated Press earlier this month that he and Michael Jackson frequently pray together, and he told his audience Sunday that he speaks by phone with the entertainer nearly every day.
Michael Jackson, a Jehovah's Witness, said prayer is helping him get through his trial, which resumes Monday.
"I gain strength from God. I believe in Jehovah God very much," he said.
Asked the lowest point in his life, he responded: "Probably the low point, the lowest point emotionally, is probably what I'm going through."
He said the high point was when he recorded his heralded "Thriller" album of 1982. He set out to make it a disco version of Tchaikovsky's "The Nutcracker Suite," and believes he succeeded, Jackson said, noting it won eight Grammys and was the biggest-selling record of all time.
"I would say that was the pinnacle," he said.

That's right. Jackson said he is the "latest of several black luminaries to be unjustly accused." Oh, he also managed to work in that he won eight grammys and has the biggest-selling record of all time, even if that was over 20 years ago.

Now, there are several things that should get your attention in this story, but the main one is the Nelson Mandella part. Jackson has the audacity to compare his facing molestation charges to Nelson Mandella being imprisoned in South Africa for over 20 years by racists in that country's apartheid regime.

Really? You, the king of pop, sat down with your lawyers and your spiritual advisor Jesse Jackson, and THAT's the best you could do? You couldn't compare yourself to Rodney King or OJ Simpson or Robert Blake, but Nelson Fucking Mandella?

And by the way, your spiritual advisor and shit storm stirrer for hire Jesse Jackson must have a tough time advising you spiritually, since you're a Jehovah's Witness and he's not, but hey, let's not get religious symantics get in the way of a good cover-up.

The problems with this case are pretty easy to see. The prosecution, as has been the rule rather than the exception in celebrity cases the last 10 years, was almost totally inept, especially when facing some of the best defense attorneys in the country. Secondly, the family of the victim, especially the mother, had zero credibility since she was a grifter who had spent ten years trying to blackmail and strong-arm celebrities into giving them money. Thirdly, the kid was scared shitless, coached too much, and exaggerated on the stand.

There were obviously other kids better suited to take this on, and expect that some or all of them will come forward and be involved in similar cases before too long. Jackson's own lawyer stated that they "put the wrong kid on the stand."

My biggest problem with this whole cluster fuck is this: I believe that this boy and many others have been molested by Michael Jackson. And molesting doesn't mean gang banged with and in front of other kids. It means, according to dictionary.com:

"To subject to unwanted or improper sexual activity. "

Now, the too-small amusement park ride seats and kids sleeping in his room aside, do any of you really believe that he has never improperly touched a child? Really?

Now, the mother is at fault and should be charged as well, given that the whole world knows Jackson paid another kid and his family a pile of money to keep quiet about their relationship, whatever it was.

(A sidenote here. If a family agrees to take money to be quiet, then they should fucking be quiet. You've named a price, it was met, now shut the fuck up already. You cannot testify at a trial on the subject, you cannot be interviewed on the subject, and you cannot release documents about the settlement, becuase you signed it and agreed on a price for your victimization).

That said, not everyone is "fortunate" enough to be molested by a multi-jillionaire celebrity that can write ten million dollar checks to make people shut up and go away. Some kids get molested by family, some by teachers, and some, like me, by a babysitter.

The trouble is, most kids that get molested are just that: kids. They don't know how to tell someone what happened or what to tell them for that matter. They're scared and confused and feel guilty and bad and at fault. Compounding that fact is the likelihood that the molester probably made veiled threats that blamed the victim, threatened the parents, or said that the kid would be taken away from his parents. At least that's what mine said.

(Although women can and do molest children as well as men, The fact that this was done to me by a male babysitter is the main reason I will never ever have a male babysitter for my child / children).

I don't blame anyone for what happened. Not myself and not my parents. I never have and I never will. Well, I take that back. I blame the asshole that did this to me. But what I think of now is how often it happens and goes unreported. Here are some statistics:

There are roughly 4,000,000 child molesters in the U.S. right now

1 out of every 3 girls will be molested before turning 18

Between 1 out of every 5 and 1 out of every 7 boys will be molested

The average victim’s age is between 8 and 11 years old

Females reported family members as molesters in 29% of cases

Males reported family members as molesters in 16% of cases

Males reported acquaintances as molesters in 44% of cases

Stepfathers are statistically higher perpetrators of molestation/sexual abuse

A typical child molester will molest 30 to 60 children before being arrested and around 380 children over their lifetime

42% of pedophiles began offending before age 12

75% of pedophiles began offending before age 13

70% of those adjudicated guilty of child molestation serve no time for the crime

Heterosexual males present a greater risk to both girls and boys

According to the FBI child molestation, like rape, is one of the most underreported crimes: only 1-10% are ever disclosed.

A study of sexually abused children found that they were unlikely to have been molested by identifyably gay or lesbian people, the American Academy of Pediatrics says. The study, published in the July 1994 issue of "Pediatrics", explored the assertion that gays and lesbians are at particular risk of sexually molesting children. This was one of the justifications presented for strong anti-gay legislation placed on ballots in several States in 1992. Of 249 cases of child abuse studied, only two offenders were identified as gay or lesbian. In this sample, a child's risk of being molested by the heterosexual partner of a relative is more than 100 times greater than by somebody who might be identifiable as being homosexual, lesbian or bisexual.

There is a lot of information out there. More than enough to be informed. If you have children, you should read about this and make sure you are aware and alert.

Why have I told you this today? I have no idea. But as I started hearing about this shitbag comparing himself and his plight to those of great men like Nelson Mandella and Martin Luther King Jr., I decided to write about my thoughts on the case, and that led to this. The disclaimers at the top were added after the fact, as I didn't want someone to stumble upon this without warning.

I've left out the details of my incident so as not to attract attention away from what is important here and to not sensationalize what I've written. Remember, communication with your kids is important and being aware and alert is important. Not living scared is important. Anyone can be a victim of a crime like this and, in all likelihood, you know at least a few people that have. Know that these people are out there and know the warning signs. Above all, know this, as it is stated in nearly every statistic you read about child molestation:

Children are not likely to lie about sexual abuse.

So if they tell you about it or tell you that they were molested or abused, do this:

Listen.

Holy shit, I feel like I haven't blogged forever. Maybe I've been eating too much cheese or something.

Actually, we've been so busy around the house the last two weeks that I just haven't had time, and when I've had time, I didn't really feel like it. Then, things started happening and motivation hit and now all I want to do is blog, blog, blog and blog again. I hope too much blogging doesn't make one go blind.

Anyway, here's what's been going on in sunny (and rainy) Suwanee, Georgia:

Memorial Day weekend was a big one, being that the Sunday is the biggest race weekend of the year. A couple of friends came over early for the European Grand Prix (let's call them Fred and Ethel). One is from here and one is from out of town. I've known one for about 12 years and the other I'd never met, except for on the internets.

We scheduled the day around eating and drinking, and plenty of both were planned. I got up at 6am to clean the eggs out, load 'em up with lump and started by cooking a nice 6 pound brisket flat on the large.

We then watched yet another very exciting F1 race where Kimi went from making up two points in the title chase to giving up ten when his right front shredded with just over a lap to go and he went flying into the kitty litter.

Fernando Alonso ended up winning his 4th race of the year and, if the season ends as tightly as I think it will, McLaren / Mercedes may come to really regret not laying back a bit and settling for a podium instead of going nuts out for the win with a clearly damaged right front.

Around noon or so, the brisket came off and the pork tenderloins were placed on the small to have them ready for pork tenderloin sandwhiches for the start of the Indy 500. I also put six slabs of ribs on the large to have ready for the start of the Coke 600.

This is where the beer started causing problems.

I got chatty and lost track of the tenderloins out of the gate, and semi-burned one side. They were fine (about a 7 out of 10), but I was looking for a home run since Ethel had never had Egg food or even seen a Big Green Egg.

The brisket turned out fine, great even, and I enjoyed it as much or more than the last one, which was also great. It seems that I can manage the tougher cooks, but can't pay enough attention to get the easy ones right sometimes.

The tenderloins came off at a perfect 150, but some folks were turned off by the slightly pink and juicy center. It seems that it's almost impossible to re-train one's brain to accept that pork doesn't have to be 170 degrees to be done, and that if you pull it at 150, it'll finish at 160 and that's more than done. The FDA says anything over 137 is fine, and this isn't the 1800's. Nobody's getting trichinosis anymore people. Move along now.

Anyway, we were treated to one of the most entertaining Indy 500's in years, and not just because of Danica Patrick, although that certainly helped. I was finally glad to see a driver that was a woman rather than a woman driver.

See, while Shawna Robinson and Lynn St. James and Janet Guthrie could drive, I never thought of them as racers. They were always women that raced. I think that Sarah Fisher is a racer, but she spent too much time with awful teams and ultimately hurt her future in Indy cars.

Danica, on the other hand, is a racer. She was fastest on every day except pole day, and that was only because of a lap one bobble that would have seen about 28 of the 33 cars in the field wreck if they had a similar incident.

She raced fast and hard and clean (except for her blunder under caution), she led meaningful and plentiful laps and she finished 4th. I think she's going to be great for the sport in general and for the Indy 500 in particular.

Then, it was time for the Coke 600, but not before I removed the ribs from the Egg. Here's also a good place to tell you that beer makes you forget recipes that you think are stuck in your head. I was shooting for "fall off the bone" ribs, but what I got was good and tasty NOT fall off the bone ribs.

Why? Because the 3-2-.5 recipe for indirect/indirect foiled/direct was fouled up and ended up as 3-1-.5, so we lost out on 60 valuable minutes in the make them fall off the bone process. I apologize to everyone for that.

The 600 started, stopped, started, stopped, etc. for a record 22 cautions, which turned out to be more than I could take. I'll admit it. I was drunk. The last guest left about 9:30 when Cooley took my friends to their hotel. I stayed awake for the remaining 2 hours of the demolition derby at Charlotte, but I was wrecked. Thank GOD we had an off-day Monday so I could recover.

Oh, and we also had a fire on my deck thanks to the shitty ass plastic torch fuel holder thingies they sell at Wal-Mart and the Depot and Lowe's and I'm sure at every other retailer. See, the cans that hold the fuel used to be made of metal, but it would rust, meaning you couldn't refill them.

So, in their infinite wisdom, they made the "can" out of plastic. I filled them to about half an inch under the "fill to" line, replaced them in their holders and lit them.

About an hour or two later, one of my guests said "hey dude...you have a fire out here."

I peeked out, saw the flames on two of the four torches, got the fire extinguisher, and put them out. Turns out, they burned down THRU the metal cover and melted the bottles right to the level of the fuel. Was it dumb luck or physics that kept the fuel from bursting into flames? I don't know. But I don't know how to dispose of this shit to return them for a refund or anything. Maybe I can just walk there and walk in the door with them, and see how WalMart reacts.

Stupid shittily made products.

Anyway, the day was a success, my friends Kurt and Bonnie won $20 in the 500 and my dad won $70 in the 600, but the processing fee is going to be steep. LOL

That was quite a weekend. Let's move to the past seven days so you'll know where I've been.

Tuesday morning I went to work knowing that a short week and a travel day to Anderson Friday meant busy as shit the three days I was in the office, and I was right.

I got to stay late to setup a laptop for someone only to find that they left early, meaning my extra work was meaningless and unnecessary. Oh, and I didn't get a thank you from her for it either. Thanks.

That same day, Lauren awoke and spoke the following words:

"I want to wear big girl underpants."

The potty training was on.

(A note here. The following information contains details about pee pee's and poopies and other stuff, so if this isn't what you want to read about, well, actually I don't give a shit. If you have read this far, you are probably someone that I know that knows my urchin, and you know how great she is, so you're probably saying to yourself "HEY ASSHOLE!! Get back to the excitement of potty training and stop prattling on about nothing." Done and done).

She went thru the week with about one accident a day, which was great. She has been using the potty off and on for about 6 months, but has shown no interest in getting serious, so we didn't push it. The last thing I wanted for my daughter was pee and poop trauma. That stuff'll scar you for life.

So she was doing great, but she hadn't dropped the deuce since Monday, and it got to be Friday and she wasn't eating much, and you have to start to wonder if they can't eat any more until they make room. She talked about having to poop, but not much was going on, so we quietly gave her a little benefiber for a couple of days to see what would shake out.

In the middle of this and while I was in Anderson Friday, my brother in law had some of his guys over for some maintenance, and he arranged for them to basically demolish 80% of our front beds and strip all of our landscaping of its pinestraw covering. They also dug some very low profile trenching for a drainage pipe from my downspout to alleviate some water issues I'm having in the back yard. I couldn't and still can't thank him enough for all he does for us. He's a good man.

That evening, we planned a little on what I could do in the front yard, made some mulch decisions and scheduled delivery of something I hadn't picked out yet, but still no kids dropped off at the pool by my spawn.

Saturday morning, it was off to the mulch place to pick out some product. The folks there were great and very patient, and in the end I bought 5 cubic yards (about 800 square feet) of mulch, DELIVERED, for $129. I was shocked.

One sidenote here is that I never write checks. Ever. So it was not a surprise at all to have the driver get out and hand me the checkbook that I left on their counter. Like I said, they're good people.

After it showed up 30 minutes later, Uncle Todd started scheming and planning. Apparently, to do this, he needs freshly turned dirt, a can of spray paint, a tape measure and a toothpick. Oh, and a rake for when it doesn't look right so he can turn it over and start again.

After two draw and turns, we hit on something with the third try. He gave the wife and Aunt Heather a list and sent them to Home Depot. While they were gone, I started putting out the mulch.

They returned with some Liriope (non-verigated), some holly bushes, and some other stuff I can't remember, pronounce, or spell. That was when it turned from consulting to construction.

Todd is, first off, one of the most generous people I know. No matter the time, place, or really who it is, he always thinks of other people first. I have learned alot living across from him, but I have to try hard to be close to that good, and it seems to come naturally to him. I strive to be better, and that's really all you can do.

Anyway, there apparently came a point where he either decided I was working wrong or slow or both, and he felt bad, because he jumped in with the shovel and went to town. He created our flower bed to the right of the front steps, laid out the plants for deposit in the very rocky right bed, and dug the many liriope holes for planting to the right as well.

He shoveled mulch, he swept mulch, he blew clean the driveway and walk and lawn several times, he bundled for disposal all of the crap that comes with $237 worth of plants and soil at Home Depot (it was actually more, but the moron at the counter kept not ringing stuff up, so I think he was distracted by my wife and sister-in-law's breasts), and all the while did not complain once.

Here he was, sacrificing his Saturday to help us at the expense of time with his family. I tell you, he's good people.

When we were finished, we let Lauren water everything while I suffered a myocardial infarction, an angina, and possibly and embolism. I am usually not much for yard work, but it feels nice to see your work produce something nice to look at, even if you didn't design it yourself or do it by yourself.

I was and am completely sunburned in a highly redneck fashion, but the worst part is the back of my left upper arm. I was on the shovel so much that this very sensitive skin was burned crispy, and hurts like shit still...

I did cook the baked potatoes on my small Big Green Egg (I know, it's an oxymoron). Anyway, I have been warned recently about popping embers when lighting with a MAPP torch, so I have been taking precautions to prevent myself from getting an ember in the eye like my friend Nature Boy.

Saturday, after successfully lighting the Egg from behind the lid, I lifted the torch to shut it off and, when I did, two embers shot up at the same time. One hit and stuck to my neck on the left side and the other hit and stuck to my forehead just above my right eyebrow. Both hurt like a motherfucker, blistered up immediately and still hurt now.

Safety note: Always ALWAYS wear eyewear of some sort and closed toed shoes when lighting the egg.

That afternoon it was a quick trip to Sam's for a whole ribeye and (oddly enough) QuikTrip for ice and cold beers. We ate like kings that night and we slept like a stones.

Oh, I did leave out that I walked back into the den from a little more outside work late in the day, and Lauren was sitting on the pot holding the handles and bent at the waist with her head nearly touching the ground. See, she hadn't pooped since Monday, so we were getting concerned.

Next thing I know, she's shouting "I made poopies in the potty!!! Where's my present??"

Apparently, we had said if she pooped in the potty, she got a present. Good enough. Out came the Polly Pockets Convertible. Woo Hoo!!!

Until Sunday morning, when we had to get up by 7am to get ready since Uncle Todd and family invited us (along with Uncle Adam and his boy Mitch) to take the boat to the Lantern Inn for the breakfast buffet.

We took a very leisurely ride to the Lantern Inn, stuffed ourselves sick, then headed back. On the way back, Lauren even used the head on the boat, which was a big deal for sure. Adam paid for breakfast (surprise) and we headed home while Todd and Heather stayed out all day with the kids. Like I said, good folks all around.

That afternoon, she went over to the pot without saying anything, quietly dropped the deuce again, got up and said "where's my present?"

Life lesson number (insert number here): You don't get a present every time you take a shit. If you did, no one would get anything done because we'd all be shitting and waiting for presents.

We also got a quote for painting three rooms in the house, and $340 is a hell of a deal, so we'll be getting that done later this summer.

We watched the Dover race while I finished to Boston Butts for my friend Susan. They were the lowest maintenance ones yet and I think they turned out the best ever. I love making them almost more than I love eating them, which I know sounds strange.

We finished the day with a smashed Cooley's pizza and a dip in the old hot pool at casa de in-laws, and my daughter was spent after that. Hell, we all were.

Anyway, you can see that we have been quite busy and I have been and am very tired. I really mean to update this thing more often so posts aren't 5,000 words or more, but hey, you don't pay for this so why should I give a crap?

Until next time...

p.s. In the effort to come up with baby names, we've asked the kids for help. Nick came up with Nicole. If only I hadn't already named my first child Lauren Nicole, that'd have been a winner. Nice try, boy.

This week's suggestions from me are:

for a boy - Adam Patrick

This was the one we had slated if the Lauren had been a boy. Now, the wife is wavering, and I don't know why. If it was good enough for the other one, why isn't it good enough now? Sheesh.

for a girl - I don't know. I like Honor as a middle name. It's old fashioned, Irish like my wife and comes from her maternal grandmother. My wife's unsure.

What are you gonna do?

Anyway, keep the name suggestions coming.

Thanks for reading. I'm terribly witty and entertaining...aren't I?