First off, let me say Happy Birthday to my brother Paul who is 18 today. Frightening, considering it's been 18 years since I was a college freshman drunk and watching SportsCenter when the call came and my folks brought this sweet little boy home. I wish you the best life has to offer.

Saturday morning will be the start of a VERY busy December for us. That morning is Lauren's breakfast with Santa. Last year, this event produced a hilarious video of Lauren "cheep cheep" ing at a young chicken. It also produced a bllod curdling scream that continued for some time as the crazy man in the red suit and beard attempted to hold my sweet angel.

This year's event promises to be better, as we are foregoing the meet and greet with Santa as well as the three dollar donut hole and skipping right to the farm animal petting. Lauren will, in all likelihood, LOVE this event.

Saturday afternoon, Molly's dad and stepmom are coming to celebrate Christmas with us and the other two sisters and their families. We will cook all day Sunday and have Christmas Sunday night. Should be a good time.

Saturday will also be football watching day as we cheer our Auburn Tigers on to a perfect regular season and hopefully their coronation as SEC champions. Then, it will be time to root for UCLA and / or Colorado to do the unthinkable: Beat USC and Oklahoma. Otherwise, it's the Sugar Bowl and Miami or Virginia Tech for us. Still great, but not as great as it could be.

Next weekend is my company party, followed by Christmas at Molly's mom's house on Saturday night or Sunday afternoon.

The next week, my mom and step-dad will be in town to stay the weekend and we will have yet another holiday eating extravaganza.

The week after that is ACTUALLY Christmas, which is followed by six days of vacation for me. I am looking forward to being home for ten straight days as well as dreading it, but hey, it's not every day you get to stay home for one thirty-sixth of a year in a row.

See? Our December is where marriages go to die? It's nearly impossible to keep up that pace of activity and family interaction before someone snaps. I only hope it's Molly who snaps instead of me, so I can be the bigger person.

Don't count on it though...

We have been on the go since about noon on Wednesday and even longer in the wife's case. She started cleaning about a week before the holiday and cleaned for about two weeks right thru the holiday.

We spent Friday doing a little shopping and got to bed early, but Saturday was busy with football watching. The Irish suck. Not as a people, but as a football team. The looked good for 15 minutes, but then they got run over by Matt Leinert and USC. I have no beef with USC being number one, but Oklahoma is nowhere close to number two in the country, and I am sick of the pollsters who only look at East coast scores instead of watching tape of the games. Auburn has trailed in exactly two games this year, and has given up less than 9.5 points per game. Oklahoma has given up bucketloads of points, but still gets some mystery respect for it.

(I know many of you may be tired of my rants about this, have no fear. It'll all be over by next Sunday night or Monday morning. At that point, we're either in or fucked and either way, I'm writing about it once then, and that will be it).

Anyway, we decided to go ahead and get a fake tree yesterday, and we got that bad boy put up yesterday and are decorating it today. We also got all of our exterior lights up today, marking the first time this family has ever had their decorating done by Thanksgiving Sunday. Big kudos to the missus.

It feels weird not watching racing today, but it'll get easier and then, come January 10th or so, there'll be testing news and driver signing news and we'll be on the back side of the remaining 84 days until the Daytona 500.

Until tomorrow kids, WAR EAGLE!!

On the ESPN Gameday set, there are always fans in the background with signs held up in the air that say funny and not so funny things.

This week, the Gameday gang is in LA for the USC - Notre Dame game. While Kirk Herbstreit was giving his analysis, a guy held up a sign behind him with that dark and scary picture of O.J. Simpson from the cover of Time magazine after he "allegedly" murdered his ex-wife and her boyfriend.

The sign said:

"O.J. says KILL The Irish."

Nice.

This Thanksgiving was, in my opinion, the best I've ever had. We made a Turducken yesterday that was supported by my Sister in Law's perfectly brined free-range bird. Everything went perfectly, the turducken delay notwithstanding.

I had spoken with fellow Big Green Egger SmokinBoB yesterday and we had talked thru a few things, and since he was starting his Turducken at 7:30am, Bob agreed to call me every couple of hours to tip me about things to look for.

The wife lit the fire whilst I was re-shopping at the Super WalMart, and after a few tribulation of our own making, we got the beast on the Egg at about 11:10am at 360 (but heading to 350).
I used the inverted plate setter, egg feet, water pan, grid, turkey pan v-rack, bird, foil cover method. We threw some pats of butter on it before putting it on, but we decided finally that we weren't going to baste or check on it until hour three.

Smoking BoB did tip me off that the wings would cook too fast if the thing wasn't covered tightly. Check. He also advised not to panic when the thing started to split, which ours both did. We wondered if the v-rack caused that, but neither of us ultimately cared.

Here were my mistakes. When you buy a cajun product and the instructions say "cook covered at 375 for four hours then one hour uncovered, let stand one hour and carve," you should probably just listen to them.

We adjusted the temp down and in doing so, affected our time to table by an hour. It was great, but it would have been perfect-er had we just used the K.I.S.S. method.

I filled the firebox to the top, but I needed another half hour of fuel at that temp. I ran out when the internal chicken temp hit 150, so we had to remove the whole setup to add fuel, and that solved the problem. This was the first cook where I ran out of fuel, but it was my fault.

Instead of coming off at 4pm and serving at 5pm, we were about an hour behind. We only let it stand covered about 20 minutes, and I think that was our biggest presentation mistake. As we were advised, it didn't hold together too well once cut. However, we found that after standing for an hour, it presented quite nicely.

We got rave reviews from everyone. The skin was perfect with some nice heat to it, the meat of all three birds was juicy and perfect, and the stuffing had a good kick by anyone's standards, but I loved it anyway. My wife and mother in law thought the stuffing too spicy, but I disagreed. They just said they'd avoid that next time, as the bird was too good to waste space on stuffing.
Many folks said that duck is very or even too greasy, but I thought it made for excellent flavor itself and did wonders for the other two birds as well. It was not overpowering though.
I have to commend the Cajun Meat Company in Marietta. The product was perfect, tasted great, cooked great, and everyone loved it. We are already ordering ours for Christmas.

I highly recommend this for anyone, especially folks who love duck.

It's also been a great sports weekend so far. "Vaunted" Bowling Green gave up 49 points to Toledo and will not play for the conference title, so that will hurt Oklahoma a bit. Today we are hoping for LSU to win, further strengthening Auburn's schedule.

We are hoping against hope that Ty Willingham and Touchdown Jesus can do something, hell anything, against #1 USC. That would solve a lot of problems for the Tigers.

Today, against my better judgement, we are going shopping at a mall. I only want to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond to pick up and kitchen island table for our deck. My wife, however, wants to hit Old Navy, The Gap, and some other places where I fear I will be miserable. It's okay though. Getting the spawn out this morning will help alot come nap time.

I will post more later after our shop-athon is over. Stay tuned for my bitching about crowds, stupid retailers, the hypnotized cattle that simply MUST shop on black Friday, even though they are buying little that they want or need.

War Eagle Everybody!!

After some further investigation, it appears that MIT graduate and NCAA and BCS lackey Jeff Sagarin has lost his ever-loving mind. For those of you that don't know who Sagarin is, he is the nerd that runs one of the computer polls that sets the BCS standings.

Here is a letter I sent him this morning:


So let me get this straight...

You have USC and Oklahoma first and second like about everyone else. But you stray violently in the middle where you rank undefeated Auburn fifth, Cal with one loss at third and ahead of them, and Arizona fucking state eighth? Hell, you have Oregon State ahead of Florida State, and OSU has FIVE LOSSES!!!! FSU would beat Oregon State so bad, the cops might file assault charges against the Noles. Yet you continue to adversely affect an already horrible and flawed system.

If your west coast bias wasn't so obvious, it'd almost be pathetic. The trouble is, you are playing with people's athletic careers and with people's jobs and the way you go about this is a joke. Maybe you ought to lay off the high priced coffee and dope and look around. There is good football being played at a high level in the southeast as well. You're obviously either too smart for your own good or completely oblivious to some very obvious sports facts. I am guessing that it's more than a little of both.

I cannot fathom how you somehow got yourself associated with the NCAA and the BCS. But then again, when a crooked and flawed system and a crooked organization needed some "computer credibility," I guess you turned out to be the obvious choice.

Thanks for nothing, you know-nothing ass-clown.

_______________________________________


I don't think that's going to get me on his Christmas card list, but I doubt he reads his email anyway.

One good thing did happen last night. #24 ranked "vaunted" Bowling Green (former opponent of Oklahoma) gave up 49 points to Toledo. BG gave up 35 unanswered points to start the second half and 42 second half points overall.

Of course, I'm sure that will somehow STILL bolster the sooners' BCS ranking.

Remember, fair readers...it's important that you all root heavily for Notre Dame this weekend. If they can beat USC, then there's nothing guys like Sagarin can do to prevent Auburn from playing Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl. Only Auburn could prevent that, and I firmly believe that Auburn is going to lay a number on Tennessee in the SEC title game that may get us beat for years down the road, but we have no choice.

More to come later today as the "short day" winds down...

War Eagle!!

and I couldn't be more excited. This year will mark the second year in our new house, and the first year that we've hosted Thanksgiving at our house.

We had spent a good deal of time waffling about who was going to make what and all of that business, when out of the blue, a vision appeared courtesy of some site thru MSNBC.COM or Paul Prudhomme or some such place, and the word itself is magic:

Turducken.

Huh? What'd you say again?

I said Turducken.

The Turducken is a magical beast prepared in the following manner:

You debone a turkey and lay it out flat, line it with Andoulle sausage stuffing, then lay a de-boned duck on top of that and line the duck with more andoulle sausage stuffing, then finally you wrap all of that around a deboned chicken and you stuff that with cornbread stuffing. The entire thing is tied up nicely, covered in a cajun seasoning, vacuum sealed and frozen.

I searched high and low for this entity. I checked our local butcher, but theirs were $125 bucks, and obviously outsourced from someone else.

Then I found one online that I could order from CajunGrocer.com for about $85 shipped, but that still seemed a bit high to me.

Finally, I found a place called Cajun Meat Company. They are located at 2207 Roswell Road in Marietta, in the East Lake Village Shopping Center by Marshall's.

The beast is 17 pounds and thawing nicely. It will be cooked on the Big Green Egg and should be delightful.

We are also enjoying keeping a running Turducken Photo Diary on the Big Green Egg messageboard.

I will have more as the week goes along regarding the birds.

Oh, one thing about Auburn's position in the polls right now. Part of the deal is strength of schedule, and that's what builds up teams like USC and Oklahoma's rating. As we speak, some fucking west coast prick has Georgia ranked 16th and Arizona State 8th.

Read that again. UGA is 16th in his poll, and ARIZONA FUCKING STATE is ranked 8th. And I just found out that the same douchebag has Texam A&M ranked 10th!! That does a LOT to build USC's BCS ranking, and it's based on shit.

Combined with the fact that the coach's poll will be secretly done on December 5th, this entire system is conspiring to fuck one of the two best teams in the country. I am sorry about my language, but this has gotten absolutely ridiculous. There must be some accountability, or the whole system is fraudulent and a sham. Oh wait. The BCS IS fraudulent and a sham.

That said, only three things will help us. Two of them are to yell Go IRISH for the rest of this week and Go Iowa State and Go Bruins next week.

The third thing that could help (but I'm sure not much) is to do everything in our power to beat the living shit out of Tennessee. Running up the score? You're damn right, Phil. Sorry about that honor thing, but there are bigger things at stake. I hope I see flea flickers, reverses, fake kicks and every no-huddle play imaginable from Tuberville and the staff.

War Eagle and screw any teams west of the Mississippi!!

Auburn won the Iron Bowl over Alabama Saturday leaving the Tigers a perfect 11-0 for the regular season. It was the fifth time that Auburn has played Bama at Bryant Denny Stadium and the Tigers have won ever time. Just one of those wierd stats, I guess...

This game was not a pretty one at all. Auburn played by far its worst 30 minutes of football in the first half on a sloppy field, but they only trailed 6-0. Bolstered by the defense's first half performance which saw Bama come away from three first and goal situations with a scant 6 points, the Tigers came out in the second half and scored touchdowns on their first three possessions while holding the Tide to three and outs each time.

This is the first time Auburn has been undefeated in the regular season since the 1993 probation team that won the "radio national championship" due to their banishment from televised play.

Now, the Tigers get a bye week to wait for Tennessee, who will host Kentucky this Saturday. The Tigers will play the Vols in the SEC Championship game on Saturday, December 4th.

Auburn still sits third in the polls behind USC and Oklahoma. It's important for everyone to become a Notre Dame fan this weekend. If the Irish can cowboy up and muster up some help from Touchdown Jesus, then this whole issue would go away.

I can't imagine how mad I'd be if I were a Utah fan though. They are alos undefeated, but literally have no shot of getting in even if one of the top three teams lose. That makes me feel a little better. And I do only mean a little.

Kurt Busch won the innaugural Nextel Cup title yesterday, which makes me sick. The thing was a joke and Kurt's a complete dick, and now I've gotta listen to a year of "2003 champ" talk from him and everyone on TV.

I won't beat this to death here (mostly because I will do it in the days and weeks to come in my racing columns) but the "Chase" was a fraud that would have seen Busch finish 247 point out and in fourth place.

More to come this week regarding pro basketball fights, college foot"brawls" and other excitement...

War Eagle!!

Well, it's mid-morning on the East coast and I am sitting here running numbers thru my head trying to figure out what's going to happen in the Iron Bowl, which is just over 29 hours away.

The game is being played in Tuscaloosa, which should be an advantage to Alabama. However, In the two times the game has been played in Bryant Denny Stadium, Auburn has won.

Alabama has one of the stingiest defenses in the country, and were ranked number one in overall defense as recently as last week. Conversely, Auburn has one of the most potent and balanced offensive attacks in the nation. Also, I don't think Bama has faced an attack with two great runners, a great line, a poised QB and good receivers and a tight end as well.

Bama is missing it's starting offensive backfield from the start of the season. The fact that they've won six games is a testament to the coaching and heart of the players.

Alabama simply cannot throw the football, which is a good thing, because Auburn's defensive backfield is second to none. Bama can run the ball however. Unfortunately for them, with no passing game to keep the defense honest, Auburn will probably stack nine in the box, play man on the corners, and dare Bama to run, and I don't think they'll be able to do it.

Auburn is also 9-0 when they score first. The Tuberville way is to get one quick and early to get your crowd into it if you're at home and to quiet the other team's crowd if you're on the road.

You can never tell what is going to happen in rivalry games. In this exact game 15 years ago, Bama came into Auburn #2 in the country, undefeated at 10-0 and looking for yet another national championship. They were summarily trounced 30-20 in a game in which the score was closer than the actual game. That could very well happen Saturday.

I always tell people that the Georgia game matters more to me than the Bama game. I live in Georgia, and losing that game affects me much more directly than losing the Alabama game. That said, when kickoff time comes, you remember all the reasons that you hate Alabama and their dumbass haircuts and their detergent and toilet paper and their houndstooth hats and their "Bear this" and "Bear that," and everything else that goes along with it. This isn't a football game, and it's not two drunken cousins fighting at a family reunion. This is brother against brother after one slept with the other's wife and then bragged about it. It's THAT serious.

However, when it's all said and done, I just don't think Alabama has the horses to stand up to what I believe is going to be enormous defensive pressure. If Auburn takes care of the ball and executes, this game shouldn't be as close as some think.

My call:

Auburn 37
Alabama 13

Now pass the Tums. I don't feel so well...

War Eagle!!

I had planned to be writing my preview and prediction of the Auburn-Alabama game right now, but my train of thought was broken. When I came into work this morning at 6:10am, I found that our network was down and I can launch neither email nor access to the internet, so I am knocking this post out old school using Word and the cut and paste magic it contains.

For those of you that don’t know the story, DeKalb County Sheriff-elect Derwin Brown was killed in a contract style hit a few years ago. The assassination was planned and arranged by former DeKalb County Sheriff Sidney Dorsey. Dorsey and an associate, Patrick Cuffey, were convicted in criminal court and sentenced to life or worse…I can’t recall.

Recently, there was concern that these two knuckleheads would profit from their crime thru book and movie deals, so Brown’s widow sued the two guys in civil court. Obviously, if the guys were guilty in criminal court, they were going to get convicted in civil court.

Anyway, on my way into the building today, I picked up the Gwinnett Post and noticed the headline “Slain Sheriff’s family awarded $776M.”

Read that again. It said Seven Hundred and Seventy Six MILLION DOLLARS!!

Now, I know what happened was wrong, but I thought the point was to figure what the decedent’s life was “worth” (i.e. earning power times earning years, etc).

Juries delivering verdicts like this is what has driven the court system into the ground. Again, I know this was a preventive (not preventative…I hate that word) measure to ensure that the killers never profited, but was someone really concerned that these two dimwits would somehow NET three quarters of a billion dollars on a manuscript or a treatment?

It started with the idiotic tobacco verdicts where some dumbass smoked filter-less camels for forty years, then felt wronged when he got sick. Yet juries returned awards in the hundreds of millions. I smoked for twenty years, and never once did I blame anyone other than the person in the mirror. I think people suing big tobacco should be counter sued for filing ridiculous lawsuits.

Wow…I just defended big tobacco. Somebody help me.

Point two of the day is the deal with the FCC now far overstepping the purpose and boundaries of their collective office and becoming the nation’s thought and morals police.

For years, the FCC has been hassling Howard Stern and other “shock jocks” for their antics. Often times, the FCC would cite that it received “complaints” from citizens. It turns out that it only takes one complaint for the modern day SS to go into action.

The Superbowl was where this all started, and even THAT was bullshit. A view of a boob for a fraction of a second after 8pm suddenly meant that any time a single citizen was offended by anything they heard on television, radio or anywhere else became the FCC’s responsibility.

Recently, ABC wanted to air “Saving Private Ryan” uncut for Veteran’s Day. Do you know what happened? Many ABC affiliates (including my local ABC affiliate) refused to air the movie, fearing reprisals from the FCC.

Can someone tell me how we got to this point? Is this some bastardized off-shoot of the Patriot Act or Homeland Security or something?

The FCC’s job is to police the usage of airwaves and to regulate usage of technologies for television, radio and other media. Their job is NOT to decide what it’s okay for us to watch. We do that. If we don’t like what we see on TV, guess what we should do.

SHUT THE FUCKING THING OFF!!

One example of the FCC’s ACTUAL job is to protect, defend, and sell rights to certain frequencies for wireless communications. Buying the rights to those frequencies through open “auctions” is a great and legal way for the government to get money from the corporations that use the frequencies.

Recently, Nextel had a problem because one of their frequencies was interfering with emergency communications. At that point, Nextel requested access to another frequency. Instead of holding an auction for that frequency (which they are supposed to do), the FCC gave the access away to Nextel. What could an auction have brought for those frequencies? Estimate run from a conservative three billion to widely accepted five billion dollars!!

That’s right. While Michael Powell and his committee of ass-hats were fining a local DJ for saying “pubes” on the radio, they were giving out FIVE BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS to a publicly traded company at the expense of other publicly traded companies in the same field.

Of course, I am sure I’ll be branded as un-American for this. But it’s important for the citizens of this country to understand what’s happening. Every time we let the government decide what’s right for us, it’s one more inch down the slippery slope to “We Don’t Get To Decide ANYTHING-Land.”

I just hope you’ve all brought your headsets. The thought police will be starting the re-education movie in about five minutes…

One of my favorite quotes about the government came from the late Bill Hicks. He said:

Go back to bed, America, your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed America, your government is in control. Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up, go back to bed America, here is American Gladiators; here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on the living in the land of freedom. Here you go America - you are free to do what well tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!

Bob Stoops is the supposed genius and former Steve Spurrier disciple that is the head coach for the number two ranked Oklahoma Sooners.

Bob Stoops has everything going for him: an undefeated record, a ridiculously easy schedule, and voters who clearly are demonstrating an anti-Auburn bias. So what does he do now that Auburn has closed the gap a little?

He blames ESPN, stating that because they have a contract with the SEC, the network has a vested interest in the Tigers making the Orange Bowl.

Hey Bob. You may not have noticed this, since you clearly have your head shoved very far up your own ass, but ESPN is owned by Disney, and they also own ABC. You're familiar with ABC...right? You know, the network with a contract with YOUR conference, the BCS AND THE FUCKING ORANGE BOWL???

I can't believe that if this clown had just kept his yap shut, he'd have probably gotten into the Orange Bowl on his own. Now, he's attracting even more attention to Auburn by voters who may not have given the Tigers a real look.

So now, Auburn goes into it's final game of the regular season against it's in-state rival, knowing that if it wins, it will gain even more votes on the Sooners.

Not so fast though. Remember, Oklahoma still has to play mighty Baylor and then play the winner of the Big Twelve's Northern division. That team will have either four or five losses, many of those losses to BAD schools. And NONE of this is going to help Oklahoma's cause very much.

So you see, it's not about Auburn vs. Oklahoma or anything else. This week is all about Auburn vs. Alabama. Period. I fully believe that if the Tigers take care of their own business, the rest of the stuff will fall into place.

And if Auburn wins out and moves to number two in the polls thanks to two coaches in the northeast who didn't give a shit until Stoops started running his pie hole about all of life's inequities, then I will be happy.

War Eagle everybody.

p.s. Look for my Auburn - Alabama preview either today or tomorrow...

Here is another column I got from last year, and it tells of a similar story to Van Pelt's. The difference is that I was present at the Tiger Walk Mr. Maisel is writing about. What a day. It was 15 years ago this Saturday...

I have never covered a riot. I have never covered the police beat. The mayhem I witness is contained between the white lines.

I have covered the Super Bowl, the World Series, the NBA Finals and the Final Four. I have covered the Olympics, Summer and Winter; the Opens, U.S. and British; the Bowls, Rose, Sugar, Fiesta, Orange, Gator, and GMAC.

I have covered nearly every major college football rivalry. And on nearly 90 campuses, from Hawaii to Boston College, Washington to Miami; in six different countries, from Russia to Texas (It's Like a Whole Other Country), only once have I genuinely feared for my safety.

That was at Tiger Walk in 1989.

In the beginning, in the 1960s -- before Tiger Walk became "the most copied tradition in all of college football," Auburn athletic director David Housel said with pride, not pique -- it was just a bunch of kids running up to Donahue Drive to see the Auburn Tigers walk from their dorm to the game.

There are older pre-game walks at Stanford and at Williams College. But they don't generate the passion that builds as the Auburn team makes the turn from Donahue onto Roosevelt at the south end of Jordan-Hare Stadium.

Tiger Walk has become the signature event of Auburn's pre-game ritual. It will be the highlight again on Saturday, when Alabama comes back to town. Those kids who lined Donahue Drive 40 years ago will be there again, and now they'll have their children and grandchildren in tow.

Tiger Walk goes on the road. Tiger Walk is listed on the players' weekend itinerary. Tiger Walk has spawned copycat walks at Tennessee, Georgia, Virginia Tech, and several other schools. Tiger Walk has spawned Tiger Walk Plaza, an enclosed courtyard paved with 6,000 bricks purchased by and inscribed for Auburn fans that serves as the entrance to the Tiger locker room.

Tiger Walk is also misnamed. It is no more a walk than a morning jog is the New York Marathon. A "walk" connotes peace, a stroll. But here, fans roll into Auburn on Friday night to park their cars on Donahue Drive for a prime viewing spot. They line up so deep that the street narrows to the width of a Venetian sidewalk. The Auburn faithful jam together so tightly that the university is concerned for public safety. They scream, they sing, they cheer, they fire up the Tigers and get fired up themselves.

Tiger Walk began to get legs a quarter-century ago, when coach Doug Barfield urged the fans to line the streets. Barfield, who now works at the Alabama High School Athletic Association, dismisses the notion that he has any ownership. But Tiger Walk didn't become Tiger Walk until 1989, when Alabama came to Auburn for the first time in the history of the sport's most fevered intrastate rivalry.

The rivalry between Auburn and Alabama is so passionate that the teams refused to play from 1907 until 1948. That year, the schools agreed to play every season ... but only at Legion Field in Birmingham, a neutral site. At the time, Auburn was so remote and inaccessible, and its stadium so small, that the Tigers played only one game a season there. But as Auburn football grew stronger and the stadium got bigger, and as the university's engineering graduates overtook the state highway department and built four-lane highways into the town, Auburn became a major university.

It was a major university, that is, everywhere but in Tuscaloosa. Coach Paul Bryant wouldn't deign to bring his Crimson Tide to "that little cow college across the state," as the Bear called it. After Bryant's death in 1983, one of his protégés, Pat Dye, built Auburn into a national power. Dye, wanting the symbolism of equal footing with Alabama, promised an ugly judicial or legislative battle if Alabama didn't agree to play home-and-home. The Alabama athletic director who agreed, former Tide All-American quarterback Steve Sloan, lost his job.

So on Dec. 2, 1989, No. 2 Alabama came to Auburn with a 10-0 record. The No. 11 Tigers were 8-2. Two hours before the game, an estimated 20,000 fans, nearly one-quarter of the 85,319 (a record that stood for 12 years), gathered on the east and west sides of Donahue Drive. A writer from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and I stood on the west side, about two-thirds of the way down the hill.

The Auburn fans roared, their eyes glazed with a mixture of fervor, pride, passion, and perhaps a touch of the Jack Daniels. We were five or six deep and couldn't get any closer to the street. We were also hemmed in, and didn't have the zeal-fueled adrenaline to ward off the elbows and other parts of the bouncing, heaving, deafening masses. I no longer had any interest in taking notes, which was just as well, because the noise and the lack of space made it impossible. My own adrenaline kicked in, and I worked my way into open space.

Tiger Walk is no longer spontaneous. It is now almost a production. But the height of emotion it reached in 1989 will be a watermark for years to come.

"You never will see that commotion again," Housel says. "The Children of Israel entered the Promised Land for the first time only once."

Auburn took the lead in the opening minutes of that 1989 game and pulled away in the second half for a 30-20 victory. But the victory on the field, while important, paled beside the victory off the field.

Because when Alabama arrived on campus, Auburn had arrived, too.

That a Maryland fan was better able to put his Auburn - UGA experience into words than I was. Here is something I stumbled across at The Plainsman's messageboard, courtesy of someone else. It was apparently written by Scott Van Pelt of ESPN. He went to Maryland and his wife went to Auburn.

I'd say that he found our "Lovelist village on the Plain" pretty nice indeed...

**********************************************************
A different world - Non-Terps & a lenghty rambling mess ...

----------------------------------------------------------

Imagine you have been married to the same woman for more than 30 years, you love her more than anything - nothing could ever change that. You have shared many of your best memories with her and would never leave her under any circumstances. Then you spend a day with a woman who in
some ways is more beautiful than your wife ... you may never see her again ... But you won't forget her for a while either.

Maryland is my wife ... Auburn is "the other woman." If you all love college sports - and I assume you do - you really need to see a game there (in Auburn). I have been lucky to see a lot of places, I have not seen a lot of places like that. It's an amazing scene in every respect. Granted, I was there for # 3 vs. # 5 ... Auburn was 9-0
so it was bound to be good.

Some highlights:

I arrived at night with the stadium lit up like a Christmas tree. It sits dead in the middle of campus. A shrine... literally their church - only services are held on Saturday. Made me say....hmmmm...this is promising.

Gameday scene - tailgating in every available space...and not like some field full of RV's - though they had that too. But literally people grilling and drinking in every available spot for as far as the eye could see. I lost count of the number of bands and stages and this was at 9 AM.

The Fans - I knew I was in a "red state" from all the Suburbans with "W" stickers, but the truth of it is, this part of Alabama is an orange state. Every man woman and child is in the same shade of orange. Not unusual I know... but THIS was...they are nice, friendly , and polite - to Georgia FANS. Nobody called anyone in Black and Red [censored] or *sshole..nobody told them they sucked nobody told them *uck you. These people are your friends, you don't know it yet because you haven't met them - but when you do - you have met a friend. you want a beer? some BBQ? grab some. Let's talk for a while....war eagle...let's have a good game. I saw this at tailgate after tailgate. Stragglers who
wander by are offered anything that's available - didn't matter what color they were wearing. This is the oldest rivalry in the South - they call it Brother vs. Brother and they mean it. Now there are certainly cliche's about downhome country sensibilities - but these folks embodied
the best part of the notion of southern hospitality. Though many did admit it's a tad LESS civil for the Iron Bowl.

Tiger Walk :
Impossible to describe. Im - possible. A human welcome mat for the team. The team walks through several blocks to Jordan - Hare through a sea of people. I asked somebody how many folks were there and was told they could never come up with an accurate head count but that they were certain it was "well in excess of 25,000 people." That looked a little
light to me...I would have bought 40 grand. 2 hours before kick the streets in all directions were completely - and I mean COMPLETELY jammed. It was like a religious experience. If you can be in the middle of this - and I was lucky enough
to get to walk through it - and not be overwhelmed , you are dead my friend. (I just went Larry King on your [censored]- sorry )I was honestly in awe.

Gametime : The eagle circles as 87,521 people (less the UGA fans) cheer Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar EAGLE, HEY!!! The eagle pounces on some meat product and the hair on the back of your neck stands up...then if you are still unimpressed you get an F-16 flyover and were off and
running. Auburn dominates, the band plays, the fans hoot and holler louder than anywhere I have ever been ( and go Spinal tap and take it to volume 11 when UGa tries to audible ) 24 - 6 and it's time for more food
and drink...but before that...

Toomer's Corner :

Everyone converges on the intersection of college st. and whatever the other road is and they toilet paper every tree in sight. By the time it's over, it looks like a blizzard has rolled through Alabama. There are no riots, no police, no cars set on fire. There are families from grandparents to infants chcuking rolls of toilet paper all over the
place. Again, i just shake my head at a loss...and maybe a little jealous.

It's a special place, the best scene I have ever seen for college football. I have ZERO doubt "our" TEAM could someday be as good. As fans though, perhaps we should aspire to be as classy as those I was hosted by. The type of hostile, vile garbage we are subjected to on the road and are certainly guilty of at home is just embarrassing when you see how they do it elsewhere. Not preaching here - just some thoughts of one VERY proud Terrapin after seeing the light ... Auburn style.

For those of you not from around these parts, Linda Schrenko WAS the State of Georgia's Superintendant of schools. It seems that in recent years, instead of doing the people's business, good ole Linda has spent her time stealing over 600 grand in Federal Education funds. She used it for various things, but the favorite is the nine grand she spent on a facelift.

Here's a link to the story:

link

One thing that made me laugh is that she showed up at her indictment in a fur coat.

Ummm, am I the only one that learned anything from the Michael Irvin drug trial of the mid 90's? You never EVER show up at court, especially facing indictment for stealing large sums of money, wearing a fucking FUR COAT!! Fake or not, you look like you're rubbing the common man's nose in it.

Schrenko is a scumbag and, although she won't get any actual jail time, I hope the fine she pleads to is at least as much as what she stole. Otherwise, she's learned nothing.

Remember when Michael Milken got busted, he was not forced to give up his secret accounts, and when the fine of 600 million was levied...HE PAID IT!! Hell, at his zenith, that's what he made in ONE YEAR!!

"Um...how much, your honor? 600 large? Yeah, lemme just get my checkbook out of my diamond encrusted briefcase."

Schrenko stole 20 times what Martha Stewart did, and I bet she won't see the wrong side of a jail cell door, and that's sad. Because it's people like Schrenko for which jails were specifically designed...

You know, for the past five days and really for about the past fifteen or twenty days, I've been angry about the BCS rankings and why Auburn isn't ranked higher and all of that business. Can someone tell me why one of my friends or family members hasn't smacked me because of it?

I mean, here we are, 10-0 and staring down the barrell of a road game AT Tuscaloosa against our hated rivals, the Alabama Crimson Tide, and I'm bitching about how we better get to play for a national title? Really?

You don't have to think back too far to find a similar scenario, only with the shoe firmly on the other foot.

In 1989, Alabama was 10-0, number two in the nation and coming into Auburn for the first time ever to play at Jordan-Hare Stadium. All the talk for the weeks leading up to the game was about "if Bama's undefeated, they'll play for it all in the Sugar Bowl" and other crap like that.

Well, "if or when" never happened because Auburn won 30-20 in one of the greatest Iron Bowl games ever, putting an end to Bama's national title hopes for the year.

15 years later, the situation's reversed. It's Auburn that's undefeated and facing the road game at the end of the season.

Suddenly, I'm about nauseous about this game too. Despite being riddled with injuries, Alabama has a ridiculously stout defense, recently ranked as the number one defense in the country.

Egad. Has all of the bluster and talking shown up on The Plains as well? I only hope that Coach Tuberville has been successful at keeping his players focused, motivated and thinking about ONLY the Alabama game.

So let me get this straight...

Auburn is 10-0, undefeated, and have beated three teams that were in the top ten at the time of the game, yet the Tigers are SOMEHOW still ranked BEHIND Oklahoma?!?!?!? What coaches and pollsters are voting this way? Did any of them even see the highlights of the Auburn - UGA game?

Yes, Oklahoma is good. Yes, they're talented. But they only put 30 on Nebraska who gave up 77 to Texas Tech. TEXAS TECH!! And their conference sucks ass. Texas? Who's Texas? They are the softest 9-1 team of the year, and possibly any year. They had to come back from an ocean down to beat Oklahoma State.

And who exactly are they going to play in their Conference Championship?

In all likelihood, it'll be Iowa State. Wee. And if it's not, it is very likely that the conference title game could feature mighty Oklahoma playing a team with five losses. That's right. FIVE LOSSES! How's THAT for strength of schedule?

Meanwhile, Auburn will have played (and hopefully beaten) Alabama and their top five nationally ranked defense, and then Tennessee (who beat Florida AND Notre Dame AND Georgia).

I know a lot of things can change between now and then. Hell, if the Irish grow a pair and get lucky, they could knock down USC and none of this would matter.

The bottom line is this:

Auburn will be as focused and prepared this Saturday against Alabama as they've ever been, and that could be a statement game.

War Eagle!!

to adequately describe my experience Saturday at the Auburn-UGA game, but I will do my best to convey them.

I am not, nor have I ever been, one of those 365 day a year-my college is great and your's sucks guys. I'm just not. But I love Auburn. I love the town, the school and the people.

That said, I can't tell you why I haven't been back since the UGA game in 1994. Molly and I just seemed busy. We talked about going, but there was always something. While our friends were still in school or just out of school and still going back for all of the home games, we were busy trying to make it, working hard and playing hard here when time and funds allowed.

And like many other interests that fall by the wayside over the years, we just never seemed to have (or to make) time to do it. By the time we'd start thinking of football season, it would usually BE football season. If any of you have ever tried to get big game tickets before a big game, you know how tough and expensive that can be.

But I never lost my love for Auburn football in particular or Auburn in general. I often catch myself thinking back fondly of our time at Auburn and, during games, I usually wind up thinking back to big games we attended at Jordan-Hare.

One sidebar comment here. Why is it that so many people still mispronounce Jordan-Hare Stadium? I mean, you don't hear people say Samford Stadium or Stanford Stadium or Nayland Stadium or Ben Hill Griffiths Stadium. So why in Christ's name can people not say Jer-dun Hair Stay-dee-yum? Okay, back to my trip down memory lane...

I must first say thank you to my wife for giving up a Saturday of team parenting so I could go to the game. Combined with the fact that we would not be doing one of our favorite things (watching Auburn football games together), that was a pretty big sacrifice on her part. Lauren also chose not to take a nap that day which makes the task infinitely tougher. Thanks baby.

I would also like to thank my neighbor and friend Pete, who invited me to the game. Expect something in your stocking for Christmas, Pete.

Thanks also to young Pete, whose conflicting schedule allowed me to go.

Man, what a day it was.

We hit the road a little after 9am est for sides at WalMart and some gas and coffee. Let it be known that THIS was the day that my chronic over-packing might actually have cost us. I didn't know the story of the folks we were to be tailgating with, so I took extra stuff: extra brats and sausages, I packed a case of water, a case of sodas and two cases of beer. The cooler weighed about 100ish pounds. Since we had to park about 3/4 of a mile from the tailgate site, this could end up being a problem.

We had a great ride, sharing stupid college stories and talking football. There is seldom a more enjoyable car ride than the one taking you to a game. The day is still full of hope and promise, there's food to be eaten and drink to be drunk and all is right with the world.

We hit campus in time to drop off our stuff at the site next door to the library. We got parked (more than a little illegally considering I was in some trees on a sewer cap on the corner of a one way street and possibly pointing the wrong way) and headed into town for a little shopping.

Heading into J&M we passed a short line for autographs with Bill Newton and Coach Pat Dye. Newton (for those of you NOT from SEC country or the state of Alabama, Newton was the guy that blocked two punts that were returned for TD's in the 1974 Punt Bama Punt game).

Anyway, the folks we tailgated with were very kind and very prepared, right down to the two flat screen displays hooked up to satellite dishes and mixing boards so we could keep up with all of the early games around the country.

It's been 15 years since I was in college and 11 10 since I was at a game on campus at Auburn, but I just don't ever remember a game where all the surrounding activity was so big. Not even the 1989 Alabama game where the Tide came to Auburn for the first time ever. It was just so big and so loud and so alive that it's quite simply tough to accurately describe.

We headed for the stadium about an hour before kickoff. The atmosphere was absolutely electric. Walking to our seats I was literally having flashbacks from past games: The Florida game in Emmitt Smith's last season at Florida where they lost here and he left the field under an ESPN banner that said:

Emmitt
Smith
Prefers
Nylons

The Alabama game in 1989 where they came in number two in the country and 10-0, only to lose 30-20, the UGA game with the fire hoses, the LSU game with the four interceptions for touchdowns, the Tennessee game where Quentin Riggins knocked an entire weekend of memories out of Reggie Cobb, and all of the memories that came with those games.

As the timer on the scoreboard ticked down until gametime, the adrenaline was absolutely shooting through my body. The whole thing was astounding. The band, the flight of Tiger, the AU formation with the players taking the field, all of it.

By the time kickoff came, I was ready to throw up. Really.

Then the ball fell off the tee, I gathered myself, and suddenly was overcome with a sense of calm.

UGA drove the length of the field, then stalled, and the result was a field goal attempt that an 8-year-old boy would laugh at. No good. Auburn ball.

Auburn drove the length of the field and finished the job by scoring on a nifty option pitch by Jason Campbell to Carnell Williams. 7-0 Auburn.

From that point on, UGA had nothing to offer. They looked tired, like a team playing seven consecutive games does. But they also looked outcoached, which surprised me.

Auburn is usually the team making mental mistakes and taking dumb penalties, but UGA did that this time. The had several 6 man on the line penalties, dumb personal fouls, and procedural penalties that they usually don't incur.

They also never challenged Auburn by throwing downfield, which I think was their downfall.

Conversely, Auburn looked sharp, relaxed and focused, but as intense as I'd ever seen. Every play meant the game to them, and they won most of them.

I was pleasantly surprised to see Mark Bellhorn (Red Sox 2nd baseman) introduced as a former Auburn student. I have made the "if the Sox can win, why can't we" analogy for weeks, and that made my point for me.

Besides the first drive and the last one (which resulted in a meaningless touchdown with just over two minutes to go), Auburn owned Georgia this day. If they played 10 games, UGA'd probably still win six. But on this day, Auburn was not to be denied.

Final score: Auburn 24 - Georgia 6.

First joke of the week:

When it's 4:34 in Auburn, what time is it in Athens?

24 to 6.

I sat around some great folks who spent the entire day being very kind to an overwhelmed former student. They particularly enjoyed the following dialog:

Me (at our tailgate site): Where are we peeing?
Them: At the library next door.
Me: Where is the head in there?
Them: You know, halfway back on the left.
Me: To be honest, I don't know. This'll be my second time in that building, and the first time I was looking for someone.

I was awfully surprised that everyone brought beer into the library with them. I mean, yes it's game day but this IS a college library. You'll be happy to know that I poured mine out before entering.

With our post-coital smiles glued on our faces, we headed back to get more beer, food and head up to Toomer's Corner. For those of you that don't know, this is where folks gather after a win to roll the trees. In all of my years, I had only rolled Toomer's once, and that was after the hoops team beat Kentucky AT Kentucky after a game winning three-point shot by John Caylor.

We headed up there, and it was packed. Hell, the band had walked up from the stadium and was playing. Folks were throwing their Auburn toilet paper (purchased outside of the stadium for a buck a roll) and covering everything in site.

After a while, we headed back, had another hot dog or three, got the car, loaded up and headed for home. We had a nice ride, it only took us 20 minutes to get to the highway and a little under two hours to get home from there.

Upon arrival, I was pleased to learn that young Pete had irritated his UGA neighbors immensely by playing War Eagle in the driveway ON HIS TRUMPET every time Auburn scored or made a big play. Pete, your dad was proud.

When I got home, I watched the game on tape, and it was still great.

I told Molly on Sunday that next year, even if it's for a Northeast Louisiana State game, we HAVE to go back to Auburn for a game. I miss that feeling of being on campus with your friends and family. That school and that time were integral parts of of our lives, and being there again felt great.

I will write more about this and other stuff later. I told you this would be an odd post.

However, I will leave you with this:

War Eagle baby!!

It's now just one day until I hop in the car and head back in time to the loveliest village on the Plains...Auburn, Alabama.

I haven't been back since 1994 and when I was talking to my wife about the trip this morning, it seems like a lifetime ago. Hell, it's been half my life since I was in school there and over two thirds of my adult life, assuming that people that know me think my adult life has actually started yet.

Anyway, enough nostalgia from me, at least for now.

The wife and I were watching SportsCenter this morning, and Lee Corso, Mark May and Trev Alberts were ALL picking Auburn to beat Georgia, and the last two were picking them to run the table for the right to play USC for the national championship.

Blurble....

Then, I open the Atlanta paper this morning, and EVERYTHING is pro-UGA. I mean, I knew it would be, but some of it was even based on facts.

Like this beauty: When Auburn and their opponent are both in the top ten, Auburn is 4-6-1 in those games. Auburn has lost the last three games that fit that scenario.

Blurble....

Auburn's last defeat came at the hands of...UGA.

Blurble...

Auburn does lead the overall record in the series 51-46-8. However, the road team's record in this series. AT Auburn, UGA is 11-8-2. At Athens, Auburn is 17-8. This trend was serious in the 80's, with the road team winning about two-thirds of the time. The only time this changed recently really was when UGA decided to win in their place in 2003. Thanks Dawgs.

Blurble...

On the upside, Auburn has scored at least 33 points in the last six games. That's a pretty nice run.

Auburn leads the SEC in scoring offense, scoring defense and rushing defense.

Auburn is second in the nation in scoring defense and seventh in pass defense.

Jason Campbell is 3rd in the nation in passing efficiency while David Greene is 10th.

Here are a couple of middle of the road stats:

Auburn's Quentin Groves and Georgia's David Pollack are tied for the SEC sack lead.

Here's the biggest for what it's worth stat as far as I am concerned: both teams are undefeated this year when scoring first. Auburn is 8-0 and UGA is 5-0. I'd say that's the biggest stat right now.

Auburn's offense is potent and efficient. UGA's defense is relentless and contains a couple of the country's biggest hitters, especially Greg Blue and Odell Thurman.

Auburn's defense is fast and relentless and the DB's are experienced and big. UGA's receivers are leaders, with one of them a team captain.

Auburn's two running backs are seniors and very experienced and dangerous, bruising backs. UGA's two backs are smaller freshmen with less experience, but are dangerous as well.

In my mind, the game is going to turn on a few key points, some obvious and some not. Here goes the prediction machine:

- Turnovers (as always) will be critical.

- Special teams play and lack of special teams mistakes will tell the tale regarding field position.

- Both teams MUST establish the run to be successful. If Auburn goes for 150 between their two backs, they're almost impossible to beat. Conversely, Georgia MUST be able to run the ball to set up play action and keep the pressure off of David Greene.

- Mark Richt has proven to be a better on the fly adjustment coach that Tommy Tuberville. Tubs is famous for taking chances, often unnecessary ones. That history is of concern to me. While it's okay to try crazy shit when your team is under-rated or a serious underdog, it's important not to give games away when you're the favorite. Playing more "by the book" and a bit "closer to the vest" becomes the call for the day.

Considering all of these factors, I truly believe that this is Auburn's year. They may not go undefeated and they may not get into the BCS title game, but they have enough talent, poise and experience to win this game.

Auburn wins 31-21.

And now that I have typed that prediction, I may just throw up in my mouth.

War...Blurble...Eagle!!

Added at 1:28pm on 11/12/04

Ack!!

David Greene is the winningest QB in NCAA division I history!! AND he's 15-1 on the road!!

15-1 on the road???

UGA wins 24-21

Blurble.

For the past several weeks and even months, we have been in discussions with various people about what to do for the Auburn - Georgia game. That is, where are we going to watch it? Who is going to watch it with us? What are we going to cook for during the game? You get the point...

Well, plans have changed several times. Initially, Todd and a bunch of the guys were going to Panama City for an all-male tennis weekend. Can you say homo-erotic adventures? Anyway, that trip got called off for him due to the recent inclement weather and its affects on his business.

Last Friday night, one of our neighbors (and a fellow Auburn-ite) suggested that rather than picking someone's house, we setup in the clubhouse with the 60-inch tv and the leather furniture.

DING-DING-DING-DING!! We have a winner.

So all week, I have been getting fired up and looking forward to our viewing party...until last night.

During the West Wing on NBC, the phone rings and it's a number I don't recognize. I nearly didn't answer it (but I did) and it was my neighbor Pete (the guy I mentioned above).

I mentioned Saturday's clubhouse festivities and Pete said "there's been a slight change in plans."

I was crushed. I have been looking forward to this game since last fall, and now everyone's bailing at the last minute.

Pete then said "I came across two tickets to the Auburn game Saturday. One of them's for me, and I was wondering if you wanted to go?"

Stunned silence, followed by "can I call you back in five minutes?"

Pete said "Sure, or tomorrow morning's fine."

I sprinted upstairs and stumbled over the story, followed by "honey, can I go?"

"Sure you can," said my lovely wife.

So now, instead of figuring out which TV to watch the biggest Auburn game in ten years on, I will be AT the biggest Auburn game in ten years and maybe longer. I haven't been back on campus since the 1994 Auburn-UGA game, and I'm very much looking forward to it.

Tomorrow, I will do my comparison of the two teams and my predictions for the weekend.

(By the way, the TP reference is regarding an Auburn Tradition you can read about here).

War Eagle everybody!!

until the Auburn-Georgia game. I don't really have anything today. I just keep thinking "Red Sox...Tigers...Red Sox...Tigers" and wondering why CAN'T this be our year? No, we haven't waited since 1918. We won a national title in like 1957 and went undefeated again in 1993 while on probation, so they weren't eligible for TV or a bowl game or anything else.

But I keep asking myself over and over, why CAN'T we win it all?

We've got senior leadership in our quarterback. We've got two of the best running backs in the country. We have an offensive line that is working well together. We have a defense that plays like 11 angry lunatics all on the same page, and our defensive speed combined with the schemes have been great all year. Auburn has given up one measly rushing TD all year, and that was in mop-up mode against Kentucky.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. What we must first ask is "can Auburn beat Georgia on Saturday?"

The answer is certainly yes. But can UGA beat Auburn? Of course they can. Here are the factors as I see them today:

Auburn is at home. Ordinarily that is worth a lot, but in this series, the road team has a history of making trouble for their hosts.

The game is during the day, which I see as an advantage for Auburn. This game is usually at night, and that's another factor in getting the visiting team fired up even more than they would be already.

In an odd twist, UGA has simplified their offense throughout the season, while Auburn has made theirs more complex.

UGA's receivers are vastly better than Auburn's. This could be neutralized, however, by Auburn's defensive backs and the ability of the front four to put pressure on David Greene.

Auburn has more quality depth at running back than UGA, and the Tigers' ability to keep their backs fresh in the third and fourth quarters will be key.

These are only a few of the factors to consider, and I will get into more of this tomorrow and Friday before I make my prediction for the weekend.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm feeling a little nauseous about the game, and I may very well throw up a little.

War Eagle everybody.

It's Auburn-Georgia week, ladies and gentlemen. After all the smack talk that's gone on for the last 360 days, and all of the games that both teams have played and the hopes each had for the 2004 season, it's come down to this.

To stay undefeated and alive for a chance at the BCS title game, Auburn must win this Saturday in it's 3:30 EST game on CBS against the Georgia Bulldogs.

If they hope to move up from their current number five ranking and keep the hope alive of playing in the SEC Title Game in December, Georgia must beat Auburn.

This game is as good as it gets. Sure, Auburn's in-state rival is Alabama, but year in and year out, this game, the Auburn-UGA game, seems like the one that matters more. I seldom if ever root for Bama, but I always root for UGA to be undefeated when the play Auburn. The game is big enough already, but it seems even bigger when one or both teams have something on the line.

Yes, both teams have other games left to play and yes, other teams' results may affect what happens to both of these teams, but in just five days, these two teams will play the biggest and most important game of their season.

So now it's time for all of the yapping and jawing and talking shit that goes with this game.

Except I don't do that. I can't do that. Anytime I try to talk shit, I get all nauseous and worry about what happens not if but WHEN we lose. I don't know if it's just me or if being this pragmatic is what it means to be an Auburn fan. I wonder if deep down THIS is what it feels like to be a Red Sox fan: regardless of where you are or what is happening to your team, deep down you don't just think, you KNOW something bad is going to happen.

Anyway, I am flying my flag on my house with pride and I am looking forward to the game that, year in and year out, gives us the best hitting and mos entertaining football played on the highest level. It's SEC football at it's core.

War Eagle.

So, you may remember my accident rant of a few weeks ago. If not, you can read it here:

http://markbacker.blogspot.com/
2004/10/hows-this-for-kick-in-fucking-groin.html

Then, I filed a claim with State Farm, the insurance company for the crazy dumbass that ran into me. I followed the instructions from my insurance company for this. A couple of days later, I received a phone call that was a recorded interview about what happened.

This past Tuesday, someone came to my office from State Farm and did an estimate of the damage on my car. I called them that afternoon and asked what it meant. The State Farm person said "we're sending you a check and it will be mailed within 48 hours. Would like it sent to your home or your office?"

Superb, I thought. Justice has finally prevailed. Despite the recklessness of the bitch who ran into me and the complete and total incompetence of the cop that filed the erroneous report and refused to return my calls for almost two weeks, good had won out over evil.

Then came the nut shot.

This morning (Friday, November 5th) I received a phone call from someone at State Farm. Let's call him Fucking Asshole Shitbag Cocksucking Bastard. Anyway, FASCB said that his company had reviewed the incident and interviewed both parties, and they had concluded that they were not paying the claim.

What? What did you just say, asshole?

I asked "how is that possible? You told me three days ago that you WERE paying the claim. It says so on the estimate."

He said "we reviewed the report and decided that both parties were equally at fault. Since she's not filing a claim of her own, we're not paying anything."

Silence.

At this point, I think I blacked out. I rallied quickly and tried to say"a representative from your company told me to expect a check, and now you tell me you're not paying? That's wrong."

What I think came out was "You and your company fucking suck and you're a fucking asshole," followed by me hanging up the phone. Luckily I have access to many office phones, because that phone doesn't work anymore. It seems that it wouldn't hang up properly, so I had to keep hanging it up over and over again, firmly.

So now, it's back to having to pay my deductible plus the cost of a rental car for a week because I happened to turn left behind the dumbest bitch alive with a license and insurance. I would rather she had gotten out of the car and said "fuck you!! I don't even have insurance!" That would have been easier to take than this punch in the groin.

My insurance company is reviewing the information and are going to try the "we think this wasn't a 50-50 wreck, but more like a 75-25 wreck with the majority of the fault in your client's hands."

Except since Sheera, lord of the idiots, isn't filing a claim to fix her seven year old hunk of shit Camry, the $1,854 isn't enough to make my insurance company fight, or even want to fight. The cost of anything more than a couple of "no she didn't...yes she did" phone calls is a waste of time and money for them. So again, it falls on me.

I have had an accident free driving record for twenty years. Despite two speeding tickets over the last four years, I am a good and safe driver. Then this happens.

Next time, I am getting out of the car with my MagLight, cracking her in the noggin and kicking the shit out of her car, then driving away.

Maybe then I could get some sleep...

I am 36 years old. I've been around a while. I'm not 87 or anything, but I've seen some things in my life. I have initially agreed and disagreed with different things over the years, only to have my mind changed later. However, I will never EVER change my mind about the idiocy we call Daylight Savings Time.

I Googled "Daylight Savings Time" and I got the following link:

http://webexhibits.org/daylightsaving/

I started reading...

The site says things like "We've learned to save energy and enjoy sunny summer evenings by switching our clocks an hour forward in the summer" and there's no S at the end of Savings. It should be Daylight Saving Time.

My apologies to the assclowns that invented this idiocy and the goobers that perpetuate it in such a ridiculous fashion.

I will concede that "springing forward" and "falling back" are good ways to remember to change the batteries in your smoke detectors. However, New Years and the Fourth of July would do the same thing.

I kept reading the website of propoganda and found that the first person to come up with the idea was Benjamin Franklin who did it on behalf of some friends that owned oil companies (oil was used in lamps).

I assume that, because the idea was dumb and inconvenient, lots of people ignored it. "By 1966, some 100 million Americans were observing DST based on their own local laws and customs. Congress decided to step in to end the confusion and establish one pattern across the country. The Uniform Time Act of 1966 (15 U.S. Code Section 260a) which was signed into Public Law 89-387 on 12 April 1966, by President Lyndon Johnson, created Daylight Saving Tim to begin on the last Sunday of April and to end on the last Sunday of October. Any State that wanted to be exempt from DST could do so by passing a state law.

There's a LOT more to this since then, and you can read a lot more it if you want to, but this is what I know:

Indiana's eastern half doesn't use it. What's THAT all about?

Arizona doesn't use it because one tribe of Indians stretches into three states. But those other states DO use it.

Hawaii doesn't use it at all. Of course, they're closer to Japan than to us, and since Japan doesn't use it, Hawaii just plays along. (Do you think the Hawaiian's sit around, staring west, just becuase they still don't trust the Japs?)

Regardless of when I go to bed (11pm or 10pm or 9pm), I get up at 5:30 and I am fucking exhausted. How can that be? I slept the same number of hours as I did two weeks ago, yet I'm tired?

Also, I am so hungry I could eat my little tub of Carmex by 10:30am every day. I used to eat lunch between 11:30 and noon, but now, eating is all I think about after 10am. Why is that good for me?

I don't care if America saves 1% of its energy consumption costs during those times. I am tired, hungry, and I leave for work and get home from work in the dark. How healthy is that?

For that matter, I don't care about any of the pro-farming or anti-crime propoganda. Daylight SAVINGS Time sucks!!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go stalk the lobby for the girls that are bringing me my Krystals. order and fight to keep myself from falling asleep in my cube.

I arrived at work today unsure. I didn't know how much honey nut cheerios I had left in the break room for breakfast. I stared at the box for a minute before touching it, knowing that I wouldn't have to look in the box to know if there was enough...

Alas, there was not.

Plan B usually involves a pack of crackers from the old vending machine, followed by a morning of snacking on Halloween leftovers. It ain't the food pyramid they teach at Vanderlyn Elementary, but it's what's available so who am I to complain?

I took my fifty cents to the snacker, only to find that our new vending company has increased the price of a pack of crackers from forty cents to FIFTY FIVE FUCKING CENTS!!

There are two things wrong with that. Number one is that the increase of 37.5% for six crackers is absurd. I know what those crackers cost and I usually keep some around for situations just like this, but I understand the guy needs to stay in business. But to charge ten cents per cracker is insane!! Actually, it's five cents per cracker, since each smokehouse cheddar cracker sandwich is made of two crackers, but you get my point.

Part B of my protest is that fifty five cents may be the dumbest price for anything in the vendor. Make everything in intervals of quarters. Period. No one carries around nickels. They're too heavy for what they're worth. It's communist to charge fifty five cents in a vending machine.

There is a third problem as well. The machine takes no paper money. That's right...it's silver only. AND, to top it off, it won't make any fucking change!! So, if you don't have two quarters and a nickel and all you have is three quarters, then the toastchees are gonna cost you SEVENTY FIVE CENTS!!

And I forgot to mention that when I took the first bite out of my first cracker, it was so stale it nearly turned into fluid on my tongue. I managed to choke that bite down, but the rest hit the trash. Now, I'm out fifty five cents, I've got stale crackers rotting in my gut, and I'm still hungry.

The answer is a late run to Chik-fil-a, but even that blows because I will lose my rockstar parking spot when I head out this late in the morning. The only benefit of arriving at work at 6:20am is that I get to park closer than the handicapped spots, which kicks ass.

Now, some ass-clown that shows up for work at 8:25am is going to find the parking equivalent of five bucks in the sofa cushions and take my spot.

It's just not fair. Maybe I will put a cone in the spot when I leave to save it for when I return.

I'll let you know how it goes....

Before I get off on my jag about politics and the election, let me tell you about my second vacation day.

My goal when I got up was to get all of the laundry (six loads) washed, dried and folded (and hopefully put away). Without honking my own horn too much, I think I did a great job. I got four loads done and folded and a fifth washed, and the wife brought home the final load and a half.

I also returned a cheerleader outfit we bought Lauren from College Station upstairs on the front of the Mall of Georgia. I went in there knowing that I was outside of the 14 day return/exchange period, but I thought I'd give it a try anyway.

When I told the guy what happened with the skirt (the elastic fell out during the first washing), he said "no problem. I got store credit and exchanged it for another cheerleader outfit and an Auburn hitch cover. See? The guy did the right thing, and his store got another 10 bucks in sales out of me, and I will also recommend them to everyone I know. THAT is how it's supposed to work.

I also returned a cast iron dinner bell that we bought from a company in Virginia. We got it after it had been lost by UPS and destroyed by UPS. We were missing parts and it wouldn't assemble, so I called the guy about it. He said that even though we didn't buy the shipping insurance, he'd take it back and send me a new one. I just had to pay 10 bucks to ship the old one back to him. That's ALSO the way to handle stuff. All in all, it was a good day to be the little guy amongst small businesses.

I got the lawn mowed and edged for the last time until January (I hope) on Sunday, and that helped shake loose some cobwebs from the very long weekend.

We went to playgroup on Monday as well. Of course, it's tough to call it playgroup when it's just Molly, Lauren, Bonnie and Amelia and me, but we called it that anyway. We first went to the new Suwanee library, but that proved boring for Lauren AND me. We shifted to Playtown Suwanee and had a ball. Lauren is heading back down the "I'll try anything" road and Amelia's not old enough not to trust her wierd Uncle Todd, so we all had a great time. You measure how good of a time kids had at that place by how much sand ends up in their socks and their ass cracks. Lauren had half a cup in her socks and twice that in her drawers. That equals big fun.

We had Tsunami Spin chicken on the Egg last night, and it was delightful as usual. I never stop being amazed at how good the Dizzy Pig BBQ products are. We've given away several bottles already to friends we KNOW will like it.

Now, for my one and only election commentary. I am sick and tired of this election year. The entire process has left me jaded and more than a little disappointed.

Like any other hot-button issue (like abortion, gay marriage, etc.), everyone has gone from simply having their own beliefs to trying to force their beliefs upon others. Video footage of some Kerry supporter punching a pro-Shrub guy in the face or some W supporter yanking Kerry signs out of yards would be laughable if it weren't so un-American.

Our society has been heading in a bad direction on this. It's not enough that we don't all agree. Now folks are taking it upon themselves to "assist" in my re-education. As if this were George Orwell's 1984 or Hitler's Germany. Just because we have freedom of speech doesn't make it okay to say anything we want to anyone we want. You can say it does, but it doesn't.

The fact that we have free elections in this country and that every legal citizen has the opportunity to voice their opinion thru those elections is the greatest freedom provided us by our country. To have that tainted because some screaming ass-clown simply cannot accept that I don't have the same belief system as him makes me crazy.

We have even had some of this vandalism and sign-stealing in our neighborhood. I refuse to put political signs on my car or in my yard for the same reason that I don't talk about politics with anyone but my wife...because it's no one else's fucking business. Anyone that would care or would base our friendship upon who I voted for or what referrendum I supported isn't really my friend anyway.

The other reason I don't seriously talk politics with anyone except my wife is the same reason I don't seriously talk religion with anyone else: because I'm not going to change their minds any more than they will change mine. All that can happen is both parties can go away frustrated, mad, or both.

If you want to talk politics with someone that you know agrees with you...fine. But the other freedom we all have in this country is to keep our damned mouths shut. It's a pity more folks don't exercise that right this time of year.

p.s. I can't wait until tomorrow morning so that this whole thing will be over and finished. As my friend John says, regardless of who wins the presidency, you'll still wake up in the morning, the sun will still rise, and your car will still start.

If you are truly worried about what happens around you, pay attention and vote accordingly for school boards, local judge's seats and county commission seats. THOSE are the elections that will change your life on a very real level. And if you're truly unhappy with the direction your community is heading, get involved!!! Either run for office or help someone who does or is going to run. THAT is how you make a difference.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming...

So, I finally recovered from Saturday by sleepwalking thru Sunday and sleeping like a log Sunday night. Halloween was stressful, but not in the areas I thought it'd be. We had a great time at the Mom's Group party where all the kids dressed up, decorated pumpkins, and trick or treated at a few houses.

It rained buckets shortly after we started, however, so we three rushed home so Lauren could hit a few houses here. I had to pick up my nephew at work, so my brother in law took Lauren out in the golf cart, and about a mile from the house the candy, time change, and exhaustion all hit her, and she completely freaked out. Came unglued is more like it. We finally got her calmed down, but we were concerned that we'd have one of those "sleep on her floor" nights, but it was not to be. Lauren's often tougher than I give her credit for...

A couple of funnies though. On the way home, Lauren was strangely quiet and un-whiney, which isn't normal at that hour when she's tired. About halfway home I decided to turn around and check on her, and she was eating her candy from her pumpkin in total silence. She had secretly gnawed her way into several Starbursts, a box of dots, some gum, and some other thing that was missing half the candy AND half the wrapper.

Another funny happened right as we got home. Molly had to use the can and Lauren wanted to use her potty too (which is in the den). I was on the phone with Heather when a couple of trick or treaters came to the door. As I worked to hold the phone and distribute the loot, Lauren came butt naked to the door to see all of the kids. Very nice moment for them and their parents, who were all staring from the yard and the street. This potty training is gonna be great....

We left at 3:45 for the 4:00 start of the party. When we got there, the host mentioned that he "thought" it started at 4:30pm. I called another as-yet-to-arrive guest to confirm the 4:30 start time. Why this matters is that I left the Atlanta Cup race on tv with 50 laps to go, and that 50 laps ended 15 minutes before the actual start time of the party. Not that it mattered, since Dale Jr. wrecked with 25 to go from third place AND the points lead. Now he's fifth, 98 out, and it will take four miracles MINIMUM for him to win the title now.

The upside is that, despite all the motor failures and changes to the system, the guy that was up by 400 points with 15 races to go is on top again with just three races to go. Jimmie Johnson won his third straight race Sunday and dedicated it to the victims of the Henrick plane crash in a tearful victory lane celebration. It had to take a lot to get the team up for that and they put in an effort that I doubt many could muster in similar circumstances.

The Falcons won big in Denver, winning against an AFC team on the road for the first time since 1998, handing the Broncos one of their worst home losses ever, and answered anyone who questioned them after last Sunday's beatdown in KC.

Auburn won 35-14 Saturday night late and moved from 4th to 3rd in the espn poll and will, in all likelihood, move from 3rd to 2nd in the coaches poll. None of it matters at all, however, until we get done playing UGA and Alabama. I'd bet money that the Auburn-UGA game on November 13th will be the ESPN Saturday night game that day.

With its win against Ole Miss, Auburn qualified for the SEC title game on December 4th in the Georgia Dome. Wonder if it's too late to get tickets for 500 bucks a piece.

In all likelihood, that game will be against Tennessee, a team Auburn killed at their place earlier in the year. I hate playing a team twice in the same year, especially if we won the first game.

I am already worried about that one, and it's a month away.

That's all for now. I have to get back to reading and doing laundry. I am on vacation after all.

P.S. Tomorrow's election day. I don't think every dumbass should vote for every thing or every post, but everyone SHOULD vote for president. If you don't, you have no right to bitch as far as I'm concerned. Either vote, or sit back and shut the fuck up until you get the chance to vote again.

If you don't know which way to go in some of your local elections, here's my friend John's standard plan of attack:

1) Vote for whom you support

2) If you don't know anything about the candidates, vote for the Libertarian

3) If there is no Libertarian candidate, vote against the incumbent.Give someone else a chance to steal for a while. If the guy in office now didn't steal enough already, then shame on him.

As far as proposed Amendments, I recommend the following:

1) Vote against anything that will raise taxes or 'fees', unless they are 100% voluntary

2) Vote against anything that increases the scope or size of govt

3) Vote againist anything that makes it easier to vote, get a driver's license, etc. It's easy enough already and govt does way too much as it is.

My name is Todd Berger and I support this post.