Yesterday I was driving back to work from a delivery and I glanced to my right off of Peachtree Industrial Boulevard, and I saw an all-red billboard that had three words in white typeface in the top left-hand corner. The billboard said:

My Boogers Itch.


That's it. My Boogers Itch. I snickered and then snickered some more and wondered aloud "Who the fuck is responsible for THAT? I mean, what is that advertising exactly?"

So I got back to work and called MadSapper to tell him about it and wondered aloud what it could be for?

He said "Well, Google says....." which brought the following thought to me:

"God dammit. I, an IT professional, just called a Project Manager to have him Google something for him like I'm one of those 'I'm not a computer person' people."

Anyway, Google said it was part of a series of billboards that are promoting some new Cartoon Network shows.

The accompanying billboards say "I Pooted," "I'm a Hot toe picker," and "Clowns Hate Tangelos."

I don't even really watch The Cartoon Network, but I may now. That's the kind of marketing campaign I can get behind.

Everyone that's got a blog has done this already I think. Well, everyone but me. Anyway, here's my effort. I hope you learn something from it. There will be a test later.

1) I hate needles and shots and anything about needles and shots.
2) I fainted while giving blood for my marriage license.
3) I don't know what I want to do for a living.
4) I love 80's hair bands.
5) I am very protective.
6) I can hold a grudge longer than almost anyone I know.
7) I am very very competitive.
8) I actually believe that I will win the lottery, and I'm not talking some scratch-off ticket. I believe in my heart of hearts that I will hit it for a big multi-million dollar prize.
9) I am very conscious of what people think of me.
10) I love to be the center of attention.
11) Despite number ten, I am very, VERY uncomfortable speaking in front of people.
12) I hate having Happy Birthday sung to me by anyone except my daughter.
13) I believe in God.
14) I don't believe in organized religion.
15) I sort of believe that God saved my life last year so that I would become more conflicted about my disbelief in organized religion.
16) I would go to church if you didn't have to sing.
17) I just realized that getting to 100 of these things is going to be hard as shit.
18) I worry about one set of parents feelings when they know I'm with the other set of parents.
19) I love all things Auburn.
20) I didn't graduate from college but feel that I got 99% of the benefit of the college experience.
21) I feel very guilty about not graduating from college and wish I could go back and right that.
22) I don't have many friends, and that's intentional.
23) I didn't want to have kids.
24) I can't imagine not having kids.
25) I worried that something would be wrong with 1Doh every day my wife was pregnant with her.
26) I didn't worry once that something would be wrong with 2Doh.
27) I have an addictive personality.
28) I wrote weekly NASCAR columns for several websites for over three years.
29) I turned down an actual writing job for a network that would have allowed me to follow the NASCAR circuit for about 20 weeks a year.
30) I haven't written a column about NASCAR since that day.
31) I love blogging.
32) I have made friends over the internet.
33) I have two large Big Green Eggs
34) I am always reading something.
35) I carry whatever book I'm reading with me wherever I go.
36) I smoked for over 20 years.
37) I quit cold turkey on January 21st, 2002.
38) I am not as close to my brother as I'd like to be.
39) I check Jayski about 20 times a day.
40) I have been on Lexapro since the birth of my second child and my surgery.
41) Oh, I had cardiac bypass surgery in November of 2005.
42) I feel guilty that our medical insurance premiums went up 25% this year based almost solely on said cardiac bypass surgery.
43) I have done a poor job of being a good friend to some longtime friends.
44) I am currently trying to make up for number 43.
45) I don't always fight fair.
46) I love to cook and am pretty good at it.
47) My IQ is over 135.
48) I graduated high school with a 2.5 GPA.
49) I miss playing competitive darts.
50) I have been in a bowling league.
51) I am honored to be friends with a veteran of the 82nd Airborne.
52) I frequently envy other people.
53) I believe that the pun is the lowest form of comedy.
54) I didn't start drinking coffee until about two weeks ago.
55) I will be 38 years old on July 3rd.
56) I love my birthday more than any adult I know.
57) I sometimes wonder why my wife is with me.
58) I believe in the Fair Tax
59) I think both political parties are full of horseshit.
60) I swear way too much.
61) I am very aware of number 60 and NEVER swear in front of my children.
62) I wear a medic-alert bracelet that says "Difficult Airway: Fiberoptic intubation required."
63) I am artistically retarded.
64) I want to be a competent photographer.
65) I know every zip code in the metro Atlanta area.
66) I am VERY opinionated.
67) I am an idiot when it comes to home repair and all things having to do with tools.
68) I love horrific reality shows like The Surreal Life, Celebrity Fit Club and Supergroup.
69) I am terrible about closing drawers. Any drawers.
70) I think porn is okay.
71) I've never watched or looked at porn with my wife.
72) Politically speaking, I am a moderate socially but conservative fiscally.
73) I wish I could play the guitar.
74) I have wanted to get a tattoo since college.
75) I am frequently guilty of road rage.
76) I have a deviated septum.
77) I have Psoriasis and am very self conscious about it.
78) I think about death too much.
79) I don't like to let other people drive when I'm in the car. Unless it's my wife.
80) I am allergic to basically all things fauna and flora.
81) I love dogs and hate cats.
82) I was molested by a babysitter when I was six years old.
83) I am in the process of building my own webpage and moving my blog there.
84) Of all the things I miss eating since my surgery, I miss buffets the most. Any buffet.
85) I love seafood and if the menu has the word PLATTER on it, that's what I'm ordering.
86) I love nearly all sports. Except the NBA.
87) I think Bud Selig is the man that will be held responsible for killing baseball.
88) Boston is my favorite city that I've visited.
89) I cry every time I see Field of Dreams or Rudy.
90) I sing in the car. LOUDLY.
91) I am sorry I spent so long being an asshole to one parent and holding a grudge against another
92) I don't know nearly enough about politics, especially local politics, as I should.
93) I am a pack-rat and I hate the fact that I am a packrat.
94) I love my XBox and cannot wait to get an XBox 360 AND a PS3 in the future.
95) I have little to no impulse control when it comes to buying things. See #94.
96) I need to spend more time pulling weeds. But just a little bit more.
97) I married the girl that I took to my senior prom.
98) I wish we had traveled more when we were dinks.
99) I wish we'd have had children sooner, even though there was no way I was ready for them before now.
100) I got arrested for stealing my own bicycle in college.

This morning I was doing my usual have a cup of coffee and rolling thru a few BlogExplosion and BlogMad sites. I frequently see the same stuff so I just roll on until I happened across THIS blog.

Something about his writing style amused me, so I dug a little deeper and was quite entertained. He also mentioned something called a "Garbage Plate." That reference included this picture:


Now at first, when seeing this, I was fairly certain that someone had vomited on a plate and I was horrified. Luckily, he also included a link to the description of "Garbage Plate" at Wikipedia.

It states:

Nick Tahou Hots is a Rochester, New York landmark restaurant famous for its Garbage Plate. The restaurant was founded by its namesake, Nick Tahou, who died in 1997 after running the establishment for over 50 years. Despite the many regional variants all based on the same theme (such as Penfield and Fairport Hots), Nick's is widely regarded as the original Garbage Plate.

A Garbage Plate is a disorganized combination of two selections out of (cheeseburger, hamburger, steak, hotdogs, white hots, italian sausage, chicken, fish, fried ham, Grilled Cheese, or eggs), which are placed on top of a choice of two out of four sides (homefries, french fries, baked beans or macaroni salad). On top of that you get the options of mustard and onions and the signature ingredient: Nick's "hot sauce" - a greasy spiced sauce containing ground meat. The garbage plate also comes with a side of starchy white Italian-style bread and butter. Most patrons typically smother this in ketchup, mustard or a hot sauce, particularly Franks Red Hot. A1 Steak Sauce is also usually available.


Holy gastric orgasm, Batman!!! Read that again whilst I close my eyes and think back to a time where I would have moved to Rochester just to be near the restaurant that invented that beautiful monstrosity.

Now if you will all excuse me, my gullet would like to do the epecurian equivalent of masturbating over and over again while my brain tries to figure out a reason for the family (or just me) to make a day trip to Rochester, New York.

Wait a minute. I just thought of something. Rochester, New York has given me the one thing I love most (my wife) and the thing that I might leave her for:

The Garbage Plate.

I'm fond of rednecks and especially of making fun of them.

I have recently enjoyed the trend of kids wearing a dumbass tuxedo / dress combo, whether that be the rebel flag, matching NBA jerseys, etc.

This however, takes the cake:


(courtesy: www.boortz.com)

I have stumbled upon the greatest free online game ever! This freaking kills me.

Here it is. I'd wait until lunch or at home to play it, but you need the sound turned on to get the full effect. No, it's not that "HEY EVERYBODY!!! I'M LOOKING AT PORN!!! thing either.

E N J O Y!!

(Apologies to CJH)

Over the last two years I have become aware of friendships that I've let slide for one reason or another. Whether it be because the person moved far (or relatively far) away, was at a different place in their life, or just out of sheer laziness on the part of one or both parties, things just sort of slipped below the surface.

Two examples of that are two of my three roommates from college. One (The Great White Hunter) I had never met before we were placed together our freshman year at Auburn and the other (CJH) I knew from high school but we ran in very different circles at the time and while polite, we had never been called what I consider friends.

So, during the first few weeks of sharing a prison cell-sized room with TGWH, we ran across two guys that lived below us and one room over from ours. Oddly enough, it was CJH and one of his best friends and both guys I'd at least known since 8th grade but, as I said, had never spent much time with.

The four of us became pretty close during our freshman year. We also met four guys from the 3rd floor of our dorm that were our cohorts as well as our competition in little things like 4-on-4 flag football or basketball or whatever. Those guys (Kaye and Rowher and Robbins and Meyer) completed our non-Greek circle friends and that would more or less stay true throughout my (incomplete) career on The Plains.

After our freshman year, several of us had to stay in Auburn (either in school or working) to gain in-state residency to lower tuition. At that point, we (TGWH, CJH, Jon and myself) decided to room together for our sophomore year and, during that summer, CJH, Jon and I would secure and reside in our next residence and await the return of TGWH from his vacation-like existence at his home on Georgia's Gold Coast.

(BTW the four "other guys" mentioned above went on to share residence as well and would forever be referred to as "The Brooks Boys." Stupid? Of course. But it is what it is.

That summer I got a lot closer with Jon and CJH, buy primarily CJH. Although Jon was working with us, he spent a lot of his time at the Sig Ep house and with his fellow midnight-oil burning engineering students, which left me and CJH to ponder and party and whatever.

We became pretty close that summer, sharing time on the job, evenings at our apartment, playing golf, bouncing checks everywhere in town, and generally having a good time. And when TGWH rejoined us, we were our own little force of nature. School became almost an afterthought for me (as my grades and graduation status would later indicate), but I almost didn't care. We were living the good life in relative poverty and enjoying the shit out of it.

The same happened for our third year, except we moved to a two story sweet ass townhome near the police station and Guthries, while the Brooks Boys moved into their new swanky digs at College Park (where GBD also resided).

Anyway, I've blathered on and on here. Even after I left school in the summer of 1989, I was that I was certain that these seven guys would be my friends forever and we'd spend our adult lives reliving our college years and having those "Big Chill" moments where we all got together to laugh and drink and think and mourn and do whatever it is that lifelong friends do for one another.

Naive? Sure. But still, I was 21 and didn't know any better.

Then real life came along for all of us.

While the other three stayed in touch (more or less) including returning to Auburn for football games and stuff, and just generally staying in contact.

I, on the other hand, was effectively a college dropout trying to survive along with a fiancee and I didn't have the time or money to make said trips.

Sadly, I fell out of contact with all of them. We did all get back together for the 1996 Auburn-Georgia game in Auburn and that was great, and we all said we wouldn't let that happen again.

Until we did.

We got together for a wedding show in 1997 for CJH and his fiancee, and that was the last time I talked to any of these folks. That shower was held at CJH's dad's farmhouse near Lake Jackson, and that property alone had given us enough memories to last a lifetime. From fishing to playing poker drunk in a house that was 35 degrees with no electricity to trick shooting clay pigeons out back to being thrown from CJH's S10 pickup whilst doing donuts in a horse-poo filled pasture to horseback riding to hayrides. That place was full of memories.

TGWH (at the time) had a daughter named after our fortieth president (look it up), Jon was engaged and GBD and I had already been married for about five years and were just starting to get our feet under us.

And then, after CJH's wedding, we (or at least I) fell out of touch.

Then, about two years ago, I started casually trying to find CJH. I had somewhere heard that his father had been sick and I wanted to check in with CJH and let him know we were thinking about him and his family. I didn't look all that hard really, but I did Google searches and white pages searches, etc., but had no luck.

Then, after everything that I've been thru the past six months, I decided to step up the effort. I contacted some folks thru our 20th reunion website that had been friends of CJH growing up, and eventually I got an email address for him. I sent a pretty sappy email (not unlike this blog entry). I sent that email about ten days ago and got no response.

And then last night, I got a call from someone purporting to be the Auburn Police Department calling about some bounced checks from 1990.

It was CJH.

You can cue the sappy music now. I don't care. We talked for a good while, and after the awkward first few moments of trying to pace a conversation that is somehow going to bridge the gap of ten years, it was great. CJH is still married to the same woman and has a two year old daughter. He's living in Florida and putting his degree to good use.

Sadly, his father lost a battle with pancreatic cancer last year and I felt terrible that I hadn't worked harder to find him sooner, if only to offer my condolences for his loss in a more timely manner.

He updated me on our other old roommates and said that one was doing great from what he knew and the other, not so much. He said he had also lost contact to some degree with the others and had had similar thoughts over the years about it but, like all of us, was too busy and time just kept passing by.

So now that we've made contact again, I will try to convince him to come back for our 20th reunion in September. If not that, then I will try to get him to visit his mom here in town and we can hook up then. Either way, I feel better.

You see, you don't meet really good people every day and you don't make friends with good people every day. And when you do, you should make a better than average effort to make contact, stay in touch, and keep that going.

That after all, is a big part of what life's supposed to be all about.

(Now having said all of that, I will make a point to post stuff that is MUCH shorter and FAR less serious for the rest of the day).

TTFNMF

That my friend Ethel made even better:





Thanks Ethel. I'll see you in just three plus a wakeup!

Here are two pictures my sis-in-law took of 1Doh at the aquarium yesterday. Are these not awesome or what?

So ever since I moved into the man-room / office at our new house, I have had fair to serious trouble with teh internets. We had wireless and no matter what we've done, the signal in my office is weak as I am or cuts out altogether, which is uber-irritating when you're writing a blog or downloading work to do at home or playing online poker or looking at porn.

Wait. Scratch that last one. Who does that anyway? That's so 2002.

Anyway, I've been at my wit's end and have been considering having an electrician or my brother-in-law run an ethernet cable from the office downstairs to my office upstairs.

But just to be safe I started sniffing around asking questions on messageboards to see if anyone had any other ideas.

And that's where one of my Stalker friends BillP sent me a message saying how happy he'd been with THIS device:


See, you run a cable from your current router into this, plug it into a regular power outlet, then plug the receiver into an outlet where you want network connectivity, and that's it. Instant network connectivity thru your home's electrical system.

I'll report back tonight on how it worked, but if it's like they say, this is one of the greatest inventions in networking history.

And to think, I'm a network admin and had never heard of such a thing.

(me = dumbass).

Have a great Monday everybody.

This got posted somewhere that I hang out sometimes and it made me laugh. First of all, here's the link. But here's the picture.





Another style of block that could be yours for between $49.99 and $99.99 is this (available in white, red, black and stainless steel):

I love College Humor. It's an entertaining site most of the time, but sometimes they have absolutely brilliant stuff...like the following picture. For the record, I'm curious how someone gets to this point in their life and don't have a friend or family member that will intervene.

Anyway, happy Friday steroid-filled suntans everybody:



Can you say melanoma?

Now, when Corey Clark was banging Paula Abdul, we heard about it immediately. Well, not immediately, but very quickly.

But today this story comes out:

In tomorrow's issue of People magazine, Katharine McPhee (who looks like a sex kitten in the photo spread) talks about a five-year battle with bulimia. She says that her audition for American Idol is what turned it all around for her. After she learned she was "going to Hollywood", she enrolled at the Eating Disorder Center of California in LA. For three months, she went there six days a week for group and individual therapy. McPhee says the pressures of growing up in Los Angeles and her years in dance classes made her self conscious about her body image. Interestingly, she was 30 pounds heavier when she auditioned for Idol than she was when we saw her last season. She says, her lessons about "intuitive eating" are what helped her lose the weight. Katharine even goes so far as to tell People, "American Idol saved my life."

By the way. Did anyone else know that Katharine, 22, has a boyfriend who's 41?


So, the girl spends 3 months getting treated for an eating disorder AFTER subjecting herself to the American Idol panel and preparing to go to Hollywood to get judged by millions? How the fuck was THAT going to help her bullemia?

And why did this story not come out sooner? It's not like no one could find her name on the rolls at Pritican's west coast office.

Oh, and you can also put her down in the creepy Tonya Harding category because of her 41 year old boyfriend. The only reason this is better (unless their hiding something else) is that Harding's "boyfriend" was the married older man her parents paid to be her manager. You know, to have her best interests at heart and to do what was best for her and the family and to protect their daughter.

I'm sure dad appreciates the fact that he paid a married old dude to bang his daughter.

Thumbs up!!

Seriously, how long has this coffee stuff been around? Is it new? Why did I not know about it so much? Can somebody please explain to me where coffee has been all of my life?

I have never liked hot drinks. Ever. Not coffee, hot tea, hot cocoa, hot totties, nothing. That's just another way for me to hurt myself similar to the potato incident from St. Patrick's Day 2006. Until my episode last fall, I was a Mountain Dew guy. My reasoning was, it's got caffeine, it's got sugar, and it's got carbs. What's not to love?

But then, when I changed my diet, I didn't figure that the Dew was too good a choice, so I quit drinking it. After 25 years of having between one and 15 a day, I quit, and I never looked back. If we went out for lunch or breakfast, I had unsweet tea (which I've always loved) or water. If we went out to dinner, I had a cold beer. But sodas of all kind were gone forever.

But then, over the last couple of weeks, I haven't been sleeping great and combined with 2Doh's sleep habits, I had been as tired as I've been at any point since she was born, or even moreso.

So last Monday, after nodding off at my desk at 6:45am in the middle of typing an e-mail, I decided to have a cup of coffee.

Now, I still don't like hot HOT drinks. Hell, I don't like HOT HOT soup or even HOT soup. So I poured a cup, dropped in two ice cubes, and drank it.

Next thing I know, I have energy to beat the band. YAY!!

So two days later, I was equally tired and did it again, with the same magical results. Really now, does everyone know about this stuff?

This week, I've had a cup (or two) every day and I feel great in the morning. Also, I am generally starving by the time I get to work at 6am. Not hungry. STARVING!!

This week, after enjoying my cocoa bean lover, I haven't been hungry at all, even skipping breakfast proper twice. Now, I still eat a kashi bar but that's about one fourth of what I get calorie wise from even a healthy breakfast. I say thumbs UP to that!!

So here I sit, a gentle buzzing occurring in my brain thinking "What CAN'T I do today?", and I wonder if this wears off or if I've been missing out on one of life's great joys?

I still don't like the idea of cream and sugar barely tinted tan by a tablespoon of coffee and, therefore, I drink mine black. Also, I think the idea of a four dollar coffee is as crazy as anything I've ever heard of, but hey...until two weeks ago I hadn't had five cups of coffee in ten years, so I guess anything's possible.

Oh, and the other thing this does is open my life up to a whole new category of Father's Day gifts. Instead of ties and socks and whatnot, 1Doh and 2Doh can get / make me coffee cups.

Is there anything coffee CAN'T do?

I stumbled upon a blog today called Right on!! Not only was it refreshing to see a blog not hammering neo-cons or bleeding heart liberals, but one promoting personal responsibility. Here is his latest entry about a parent suing myspace.com because her 14 year old daughter was molested by a pervert she met on the website.

(Read first before you freak out. I'm not advocating blaming victims here).

Mom sues MySpace.com

The mother of a 14 year old girl in Austin, Texas is suing Social Internet giant Myspace.com for $30 Million because her 14 year old daughter was molested by a pervert she met on the website.

According to the lawyers representing the family, myspace doesn’t do enough to verify the age of its users nor does it take adequate measures to thwart sexual predators online.

The CSO for Myspace.com had this to say in response to the allegations. “We take aggressive measures to protect our members. We encourage everyone on the Internet to engage in smart web practices and have open family dialogue about how to apply offline lessons in the online world.”

Attention parents… you wouldn’t let your child wander around the world all alone talking to anyone who happens to wander their way, why do you think it’s safe for them to surf unrestricted and unmonitored online? I’m getting sick and tired of parents who use the TV and the home PC as a babysitter so they don’t have to take personal responsibility for their kids. Then once the TV or the PC fails them, they go after the services for exorbitant amounts of cash as a “solution” to the problem.

Here’s an easy and FAR less expensive solution… WATCH your kids and know what they’re doing, where they’re going and who they’re talking to. Talk to them every day, find out what they did and who they hang out with. I know it’s tempting, but putting a computer/TV/XBox in their room DOES get them out of your hair… but you’re just asking for problems.

There will always be a computer with internet access in my house, but it will reside in a public common area of the house and usage of said computer will not be without strict rules until I know that my kids understand that Online, is just as dangerous if not more so than Offline and can show me that they understand and respect that fact.

I wonder if the mother of this child had established a code of conduct online for the house, if she would have become a victim. The predator was 19 years old, allowed to exchange phone calls with the 14 year old. The mother even allowed the 19 year old predator to pick the girl up from school, take her to dinner, and a movie and even his apartment where the sexual assault took place.

If I were the judge in this case… it wouldn’t be an issue reaching a conclusion. I would dismiss the case, and declare that due to gross negligence on the part of the parents their daughter was sexually assaulted. Not only that but I would require the parents to pay the court costs for myspace.com for wasting their time.

You want some rules… well I’m fairly partial to Kim Komando’s 10 Commandments for Kids Online.

1. My parents and I will decide when I am allowed to use the computer and the Internet. I promise not to ask or fight for more computer time. I will only do things and visit places that they say I can.

2. I will never tell anyone online or post online that I am home alone. I won’t give out my last name, my home address or telephone number, the name of my school or teachers, where my parents work or their telephone numbers without getting my parents’ permission. I will never give out my friends’ screen names, e-mail addresses, names, addresses and telephone numbers, and I will remind them to keep mine a secret.

3. If anyone online does anything that bothers me, I will tell my parents. I will never use bad language, say bad things about other people, or send mean messages in an e-mail, text or instant message, chat room, blog, or on a Web site. I will tell my parents if someone does that to me. If I use “secret” or “code” words online, I will tell my parents what they mean.

4. When I use instant messaging, e-mail, chat rooms, or Web sites where people put information about themselves, I will never send or post a picture of my family or me. If I set up a blog or an online profile, I will tell my parents where it is and how they can read it.

5. I WILL NEVER, EVER MEET WITH ANYONE I’VE TALKED TO ONLINE WITHOUT FIRST TALKING WITH MY PARENTS.

6. If my parents ask me for my password, I will give it to them. I will NEVER give out my passwords or any of our family’s passwords to anyone, not even my friends or other family members.

7. If I want to download any games, movies, music, or programs, I will ask for permission. I know I must pay for most of these things. If I take them, that is stealing.

8. I will not try to win free things or buy things on the Internet without my parents’ permission. If I get a message that I won something, I will show it to my parents. If I get an e-mail asking for passwords or other secret stuff, I will ask my parents.

9. I will not open any of my parents’ files. I will not change any settings or install any new software without my parents’ permission.

10. I give my parents permission to look on the computer to see where I have gone on the Internet, the e-mail and text messages I have sent and received, or what I do in a chat room. If my parents installed programs that track what I do on the computer or limit where I go online, I promise not to turn those programs off.

See? This woman is suing myspace even though she let them talk on the phone, let a NINETEEN YEAR OLD MAN PICK UP HER 14 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FOR ONE OR SEVERAL DATES, and even allowed him to take her TO HIS APARTMENT!!!!

Why on earth is MySpace responsible for this?

I mean, I'm the first one to say that MySpace oughta be called pervert alley, but I believe in the old saying "Let the buyer beware." Parents have lost track of what parenting is, and that is taking precautions to protect your children, not waiting for the government to do it for you.

For example, my daughters will never EVER have a computer in their rooms, whether the machines have internet access or not. They will also not have telephones or televisions in their rooms.

Sound prudish? Maybe. But you won't find my name attached to any articles like the one above either.

Parenting is about more than getting one's peter wet. It's about taking the time to teach children right and wrong, to teach them to be responsible and productive citizens, and it's about teaching them be caring and compassionate souls. It's also about teaching them the meaning of taking responsibility for their actions. And the biggest thing to me is that it's about teaching your kids not just to do the right thing when someone's watching them, but to do the right thing when no one's looking.

I feel sorry for the 14 year old girl in this story on many levels. Certainly because she's been victimized. But she wasn't just victimized by the 19 year old. She was victimized by her mother as well.

My friend Ethel has tagged me to complete one of those meme's. Now, I'm going to do it, but I'd like someone to tell me what a meme really is. I mean, does that word stand for anything or is it sort of a chicken and the egg term that came about as a result of the blog world, so it's too hard to figure out if the lists came first or the name...

Anywho, here's my list of 5's:

Five Things in the Refrigerator
1. Many many salad dressings
2. Several pounds of margarine
3. Salads to go Taco Salad kits
4. Many many cheeses
5. A quart of minced garlic

Five Things in the Closet
1. My one sportcoat and slacks ensemble that's WAY too big now.
2. An armoire
3. Two infant bath tubs
4. A keyboard and a mouse
5. Sweaters. Lots of GBD's sweaters.

Five Things in the briefcase
1. HP 5mp digital camera
2. One package of official White House M&M's.
3. My Wallet
4. One pair of Night n' Day contact lenses
5. My iPod

Five Things in the Car
1. Owner's manual packet with service records and all tag receipts
2. Crackberry charger
3. FM modulator for iPod
4. Orbit Cinnamint gum
5. 350 pounds of Wicked Good Competition Blend hardwood lump charcoal

Well, that wasn't so bad. But I have no one to tag right now, so that'll do.

(Thanks Ethel. Except for the purse question, this was fun).

And I know it's been painful for those of you that simply cannot start your day without reading my observations, rantings, and general musings about life, love, sports, or whatever else may catch my attention.

We had a great weekend this weekend. Friday night, which is usually steak night, was replaced by Cooley's Pizza night since UnkTodd and the Queen had a touchdown club meeting at their house. Although the Queen assured us that it would only last an hour, we knew better. And we were right.

On the upside, with the girls in bed and sleeping and no one around, that gave the wife some quality time to work on her new messageboard (I'm very proud of her for this by the way). While she was doing that, I headed over to Casa de Unk n' Queen to nibble on some leftover appetizers, have a couple of beers, and see what was what.

I met the new North Gwinnett head football coach and a couple of his assistants, and they really seem like sharp guys. If we can get a coach to stay longer than nine months now, the team and the school might be on to something.

That evening also provided some excitement when my young nephew literally stumbled across a baby snake (about a foot long) right by the steps leading to their front porch. As soon as I saw it, I knew it was poisonous (diamond shaped head about thrice as wide as his skinny assed body).

Unk Todd was summoned and did what any good dad would do: He hacked it up with a shovel.

(It was later investigated via google and found to be a copperhead, which even at that size could injure or kill a dog or small children, of which I have two).

Saturday started with a lawn mowing, a good watering in accordance with our county's odd-even watering restriction, and 1Doh's soccer practice. Good times all around.

We wallowed the mid-day away until it was time for USA-Italia in the World Cup, and then it was time for cold beers and nationalism. Team USA got royally fucked by the officials but managed a tie despite being short-handed. (The Yanks need a win and a 3-goal margin against Ghana Thursday to have any hope of making it out of group play).

Just a sidenote here. I've always loved soccer. I played for years and years and I've always been a vocal proponent of the sport. This year however, the World Cup has drawn me in 200%. I'm checking scores every day online, talking about it at work, and even chatting on messageboards about it. If only they'd have it every two years like golf's Ryder Cup. Then we'd REALLY see interest start to grow.

After the match (or most of it), it was off to Town Center Park for the opening and dedication of the new kick-ass fountain. Here are some interesting facts about our fancy new fountain:

Anyway, there was a big day planned with many of those moonwalk type jumpin' thangs (as they called them in Auburn), food and drink and live music. they didn't start selling beer until about 5:30, but that didn't bother us since we smuggled some in, being the creative deviants that we are.

While there, we ran into the parents of the kids who participated in Dueling PeePees last weekend and I, without any consultation with the wife, blurted out "Hey!!! We're grilling out tonight. Why don't you guys grab something to cook and come over for a while?" Aren't I awesome when I've had a couple of pops?

Oh, I have to interject with the white trash moment of the day. On the way back to the car we were walking thru a townhome-like development thingy that was mostly sold out, but there were a few new units that were still on the market.

There had been so much buzz about these things when the neighborhood opened that I decided to pop in for a quick look around to see what they were like.

The first floor (garage level) was pretty cool and the water system in the house was awesome. There was a turnkey system where each faucet and water source for everywhere in the house was labeled, and there was no copper at all. I had never seen such a thing before.

Floor two was the front of the home's main floor with a den, kitchen, and "DADDY!!! I GOTTA GO PEE!!!!"

WHAT?

We were too far away to think about getting back to the park and I recognized the look on 1Doh's face and the accompanying peepee dance. I had about ten seconds to make something happen or there was gonna be an assident.

So I hustled her into the main floor bathroom and lifted the seat and HOLY SHIT!!! WHAT IS THAT?!?!?!

Apparently someone else had come in here to relieve themselves of a similar but more solid load, and it had apparently been done while Clinton was still in office.

So now I've got a 4 year old, pants around her ankles and she's doing the Level 10 peepee dance which now involves more than a little panic on both of our parts. If I get her to the car and she's had an accident, that's gonna be my fault and the wife's not gonna like it.

So, on the advice of present counsel, I picked 1Doh up and hung her ass in the bathroom sink.

Oh, and after all of this I had to go pretty badly as well, so I peed in there too. I dumped my beer down the drain hoping to help a little.

Sorry potential owners of said unit. It couldn't be helped.

Anyway, since Father's Day weekend was now in full effect, we (me, UnkTodd, Russ, Mark, and a nephew) hit the horseshoe pit for some good old country entertainment.

We had some sweet ribeyes and taters and then Stephen and Amanda came down to join in on our spontaneous frivolity. God bless suburbia.

Sunday saw a trip to Shiloh to replenish my charcoal supply and also saw a pleasant surprise:

two hidden pallets of 22-pound bags. I had no idea they were there and they're not fundamentally different than the 11-pounders, but I just like the big bags for some reason. As a matter of fact, I may just save those for myself.

Then, upon my return, it was off to Wal-Mart for foodstuffs for our Father's Day feast and various other necessities and niceties. (That last word looks like nice titties if you glance at it. Or maybe that's just me).

Home from Brazil v. Australia at noon and then the Cup race at Michigan, although I only watched about 10-15 laps. I haven't watched an entire race this year yet, and I really don't care. There are really no compelling storylines, and if your big news is who's going where next year, I don't give a shit.

(Oh, we also got our huge portraits back from the photographer in Hilton Head and they look awesome. Now we just have to get them framed and quick. I suspect Saturday morning will see us at the framer's store for some quotes).

Sunday afternoon and evening saw me abandoning all parental obligations for the second Sunday in a row (thanks Father's Day) to play horseshoes, drink some beers and just screw off with the neighbors. Oh, and my day ended with just me and 1Doh taking a hot pool at UnkTodd's before bed which was divinely relaxing.

My wife's a saint and I can't thank her enough for a wonderful Father's Day weekend.

Which reminds me of something that I want to go over before I close. The three days that mattered to ME in the past were our anniversary, my birthday and Christmas. (The last one for primarily materialistic reasons I assure you).

But for some reason, this year's Father's Day was completely different for me. I was looking forward to it for weeks and really thought about it and what it meant to be a father. I think, after everything we've been thru in the past seven months, I truly realized how fragile life is and how quickly things can change and be taken away from you, and I think I really appreciated what it meant to be a father and how much joy it's brought to my life.

Sure, there have been plenty of challenges along the way, and they continue even as of this writing. But I wouldn't change anything about my marriage or the two sweet little girls that are just getting up at my house as we speak. As I've said before, one of my favorite things to do when putting 1Doh to bed is tell her that I love her and that she's my favorite Lauren, and she replies "I love you too, and you're my favorite daddy in the whole world."

You just can't put a price on that.

please click on THIS LINK and do what it asks. I'm curious of how it will come back.


Relax people. It's not spam or a virus. It's the Johari Window, which you can read about here.

But do you think Britney's soon to be rock star husband knows that what's on his belt isn't a cell phone but a garage door opener?

Last night my friend Ethel implored me to join her in not only watching the Britney Spears / Matt Lauer interview on Dateline, but also to blog with her about it. You know, kind of like a running commentary.

Anyway, if you go to our joint site called Ethel and the Eggsecutioner, you can see how that went.

It was actually fun. That was my first venom-filled rant in days and it made me feel a lot better...

I received the RMA number via email already. I will double box this here box and follow the instructions to ship it overnight to them, and in return, they shall ship one overnight to me.

That means I should get it by Friday, but that means Tuesday I'm sure. Either way, it'll be a brand new unit.

Yay!!

So I called the vendor today and they were very cool about the whole thing. They are emailing me an RMA number which I will use to return everything in the primary camera box (lens, battery, body, manual, strap) and send it back. Upon receipt, they will express ship me my replacement.

Also, I keep my extended warranty thingamadoogy and just call them to register the new serial number when the new one arrives.

This is already better than I thought it'd be. Even with my impatient ass just wanting to go get it fixed, I know the right thing is to get a new working unit.

More to follow....

Usually these little get to know you quizzes / chain letters are about you, the author. Or would that be me the author?

Either way, today let's try something different. Let's all try to write ten things about our significant other. They don't have to all be good, but it might be beneficial to try to lean towards the positive.

I'll start:

1) She's the funniest person I know. Bar none.

2) She's UBER-protective of her family, and especially of me. If anyone does me wrong in her eyes, there's trouble and she'll be handing said trouble out by the shovel full.

3) She's an excellent driver. You hear about guys all making fun of their wives and other womenfolk's driving, but I would never do that. She's rock solid behind the wheel.

4) She's more forgiving than she probably should be. No need to elaborate there.

5) She's generous to a fault, both with her time and with her money.

6) She is terribly creative. Whether it be a unique father's day gift, invitations to showers or parties for friends, or just crafts at home with 1Doh. She has a seemingly endless supply of ideas.

7) She is supportive and always encourages me if I'm interested in something, no matter how silly it might seem. Take, for example, the construction of our horseshoe pits.

8) I have to throw one bad one in here. She's terrible at loading the dishwasher or a shopping cart, but the dishwasher thing wins. There's no rhyme or reason to it at all. She'll have different sized plates pointing in different directions intermingled with bowls, tupperware and cups everywhere. I mean, who DOESN'T point the plates the same way and sort them by size while also making sure all small salad-like bowls go in the front on top with glasses and cups on the outsides of the top and baby bottles and sippy cups down the middle, saving room over the top of the bottom shelf for big bowls and casserole dishes? Who I ask you?

9) She's a great sports fan. As long as it's not basketball, I can get her to not only watch but be interested in nearly any sport on television. And if we're going to see it in person, she's even more fired up about it.

10) She's a great sister and daughter and aunt and mom and wife and daughter in law and neighbor and friend. Nuff said.

In light of our recent schedule changes (i.e. no one goes to bed or stays in bed), we've opted for staying up later each night to make more time for ourselves. It's cute that we value each other's company more than sleep, but it doesn't sound condusive to enduring sanity. Hell, what do I care? I like that fact that we both see it the same way and enjoy each other even though we're both exhausted.

Anyway, last night saw us asleep early (around 10:45pm or so). I got up at 1am to pee, then 1Doh wandered into our room half asleep around 2am, tried to climb into our bed, failed, and in doing so, fell on her back/head/ass.

After maternal comforting and paternal panic swearing at the thought of a split urchin pumpkin, the faja put her back to bed complete with Piggy and her box/bed in place.

By the way, there's no way to go back to sleep immediately after you scream "OH SHIT!!!" in the middle of the night, so the wife and I laid in bed and watched "Miami Ink" and "Curb Appeal" until 3am and went back to sleep then.

4am saw 2Doh awaken for a feeding. Not bad since she had 4oz. of yogurt at 5pm and 3/4 of a bottle at 7pm, but it's still a middle of the night feeding for me.

I got her back down at 4:20AM, then missed / turned off my 5:10am alarm but magically awoke at 5:30am. Last time I did that, I got up around 7am. That made me late for work since I'm supposed to be there at 7am. This time, well on time. Kudos to my Kramer-like internal programmable clock.

Anyway, this is the second day this week I've had coffee. I haven't had three cups of coffee in three years, but I've had that many in three days. God help me if I somehow get addicted to coffee. It's calorie and carb free, but it's just another crutch. Who needs that?

Anyway, that's all for now. Keep your fingers crossed that my camera seller mans up and does the right thing today.

Hugs.

TMLSB

And to think, I nearly bought one of those "It's not Van Halen with David Lee Roth" T-shirts.

Don't ask me. I have no idea. But today we went out and took over 100 pictures. Not 6.1mp but a nice reasonable 1.5ish. I used two different lenses and we got some good shots. Not great, but that was me not the equipment.

Unless you consider the booger that shows up on the right side of every fucking picture I took. I tried every lens and I looked inside, but no luck.

So now, I have to call tomorrow after 11am and hopefully they'll just send me and my brand new camera with the brand new five year extended warranty to wolf camera for a cleaning instead of me having to ship it back to New York and wait for another one to ship to me in 7-10 days.

This stuff happens. I work with computers and I understand. But the fuse is lit right now. I'm expecting some quality service on this deal, or it's gonna be blog fodder for days and weeks to come.

Stay tuned, dear readers...

The new Nikon D50 and all of its accessories arrived yesterday. But I had to charge it and do a bit of housecleaning before I could play with it. The camera, that is, you pervs.

Anyway, once the cleaning was done and the girls were in bed, I started unpacking all of the stuff: cases, lenses, the body, memory card, etc. I finally got it together and the software installed (that part took nearly an hour), and then I said to myself "NOW what do I do?"

I felt very similar to how I felt after GBD and I got 1Doh strapped into the carseat and took her home. What now?

I'll tell you what now? I brought the manual with me to work to read at lunch (dork that I am). I was already scared on Page 2: Getting to know the camera, with all of its 847 identifiable pieces and parts just on the outside of the camera.

I took a few stupid test shots in our room (after the wife wouldn't fall for the 'Let's take some artsy pictures of you without your top,") and then I worked on the enhancing program and the importing program.

My hope is that tonight when I get home, I can shoot a bunch of the girls and some other stuff to see how that goes. Then I'll go back and re-configure the enhancement program to better organize how I want the photos managed. And finally, I will hopefully upload my first new camera shots to Flickr.

But if that all fails, expect to see a VERY up close picture of my ass...

A couple of months ago my nephew told me about this and then he did his own experiment by dropping a tube of mentos into a 2 litre bottle of diet coke.

Now, I find this:

After tracking a shipment more closely than the US government tracks trains transporting enriched uranium, my camera kit is finally:

Location	Date	Local Time	Activity
DORAVILLE, GA, US	06/12/2006	6:14 A.M.	OUT FOR DELIVERY
	06/12/2006	2:09 A.M.	ARRIVAL SCAN

That means that in about 3 hours, that thing will be at my house, calling me to come home.

Never have the powers of peer pressure been this crazy.


More to come as the situation warrants.

(I was remiss by not mentioning that I got this from my internets friend Ethel).

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Right now I'd say either Hilton Head or outside of Boston.

2. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLES OF CLOTHING? Cargo shorts and t-shirts. Oh, and my smarmy ass Auburn hat.

3. THE LAST CDs YOU BOUGHT? an LA Guns / Cinderella compilation and Big Head Todd and the Monsters Live

4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Between 5am and 5:15am. Not counting the middle of the night feedings and / or ninja visits.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE? The disposal. It's magical.

6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Guitar.

7. FAVORITE COLOR? Blue

8. WHICH VEHICLE DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR, MOTORCYCLE, OR SUV? SUV for sure. (Much to JohnnyBud7's chagrin).

9. DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE AFTERLIFE? No.

10. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK? The Monster At The End Of This Book (A Grover special).

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Spring.

12. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT? I don't have one, but I have always wanted one. The wife's foot did the talking on that one.

13. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Invisibility. Holy crap would that be awesome.

14. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Yes. I can spin just about anything on any finger too.

15. ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO? This is like the four people you'd like to have dinner with. I think Ted Williams, Abraham Lincoln, Ben Franklin and Johnny Cash.

16. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? A laptop computer

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY? Friday.

18. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER? Sushi I think.

19. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? Calla Lily.

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL? Ribeye, garlic mashed potatoes, my wife's green beans and an oreo cheesecake for dessert. However, since my surgery, i will only eat two of those things. Unless it's a special occasion.

21. DESCRIBE YOUR PJS. My boxers or a pair of athletic shorts.

22. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST? Then? The Uncle Henry at Cracker Barrel. Now, I like the healthy cracker barrel breakfast of oatmeal w/ brown sugar, a muffin, two scrambled egg beaters with cheese, and a banana.

23. DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB? I like my job. I love my company. I hate working.

24. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB? Writer.

25. WHAT AGE DO YOU PLAN TO RETIRE? You must be kidding. My second kid can't even sit up yet. I'll retire when I win the lottery.

26. WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER? High School. In the gym. She was on yearbook committee and I was taking advanced PE or was a teachers aide or something during that time.

27. SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT YOU HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE. Go to Ireland and Norway.

As my blogging friend Ethel said, "It's bad joke Friday! Play along!"

So I will.

There was once a bus conductor, and he had really bad anger management problems, One day a woman on the bus refused to pay the fare. Well, the bus conductor got so angry he killed her. He was tried and sentenced to death by the electric chair.

The day for his execution came, and they took him out of his cell and brought him to the chair. The guard said, "Have you any last requests?"

The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

"Are you ready?" they asked.

"Yes," he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.

The guards rewired the chair and tested it a few times, and it worked perfectly. They brought the man back and said, "Have you any last requests?"

The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

"Are you ready?" they asked.

"Yes," he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.

Well, the guards bought a brand new electric chair. This one was amazing: leather seats, gold-plated armrests studded with rubies, the works. It was an incredible sight.

They brought the man back and asked, "Have you any last requests?"

The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

"Are you ready?" they asked.

"Yes," he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened.

Now, in this particular state, there was a law that if someone survived the electric chair three times, he must be set free. So the man was released, and as soon as he stepped out of the prison, the press was all over him. He walked through the crowd and the flashing cameras until he saw a small man who asked, "Have you discovered some miraculous phenomenon of unripe green bananas?"

"No," he replied, "I've just always been a bad conductor."

This weekend will be chock ass full of activity at Casa de TMLSB. Tonight is steak on a paper plate night, but not before I get some trees cut back around the site of our latest addition:

The Horseshoe Pit.

CampCashion is coming over Sunday to help (who am I kidding? He's doing the work and I will be his beer bitch) install the new pit which should provide hours of summertime fun.

Saturday morning will see me at the Home Depot buying supplies for said horseshoe pit and then running home in time to get 1Doh to soccer at 11am.

After that, it'll be laundry and some time at the pool.

Then, hopefully meemee will show up mid-afternoon as she is babysitting the kids while we go with the BIL and SIL and two of our neighbors to Lake Lanier for a boat ride, dinner, many cocktails and another boatride back. UnkTodd has graciously volunteered to be our sober captain and to make sure we all stay "well hydrated."

I love that man.

Sunday morning around 10am, CampCashion will be over to install the pit, which will be followed by a yard mowing, shoe tossing and beer drinking, and then Mrs. Camp Cashion will be over with the girls after naptime to adjust TMLSB's folicles.

Oh, and I'll be tracking my UPS shipment from New York to see when my new camera will be here. Right now it's on a truck and is scheduled for a Monday arrival. I may have to take a half day just for that. Also, is it wrong if I put the girls to bed at 5:15pm Monday so I have maximum time to play with it on day one.

Of course, It'll need to charge that day, so all I'll be doing is looking at it, but still. That's gonna rock!!

My mother in law was kind enough to bring over a couple of "accessories" this weekend. They included some ugly-ass cat's eye glasses she had in high school and two wigs.

Here's something I don't understand and I wish someone could enlighten me. Why on earth did women wear wigs in the 60's? They looked about as real as Marv Alberts' hair and felt less so. I mean, these two wigs feel like the hair from an camel's ball bag. (And yes, I have checked).

Anyway, she brought these two wigs over and 1Doh and others immediately started having fun with them.

I hope to have other photos available to me soon, but here are a few of 2Doh enjoying the Mickey Dolenz look:

Well, despite some pretty good crying at bedtime and for about an hour or more after we put her down, 2Doh slept thru the night more or less for the second night in a row. She got up to eat at 5:30am, but since I'm already up by then, that's thru the night to me.

1Doh is having a HUGE time at day camp down at the pool/tennis courts/playground. Yesterday she "played tennis...FOR REAL!!!" and loved every second of it. She's going with her friends Dominick and Benjamin from school/soccer.

After two stops at Frye's yesterday (I got inside before I realized that I'd left my wallet at the office and I had to return to work empty-handed), I am in the final stages of getting my old(er) pc setup as a photo storage / processing workstation. Now if I could just get some of the other crap out of my office, I'd feel a lot better.

Got the yard mowed yesterday (front and back) and also cleared the site for the TMLSB horseshoe pit which will be installed Sunday morning and ready for play by the time the race starts Sunday afternoon.

Not much else for now, except for my usual loathing of election year politics. I'm stunned that with a war going on and the big public outcry over illegal aliens and immigration law and approval ratings at an all-time low, GW has decided to re-stump his dumbass banning gay marriage ammendment.

I was watching The Daily Show last night and I like John Stewart's line about "Isn't it funny that the Republicans only give a shit about banning gay marriage in even-numbered (election) years?"

Anyway, that's enough for now, dear readers. I'm sure I'll be back with more ADD-driven nonsense shortly.

But it could be big for one of several reasons. It's the second day in a row that 2Doh slept thru the night, although the last 2 hours before her blessed slumber weren't very pleasant. Me thinks the carrots and mac and cheese didn't agree with her.

Another reason it could be big is that it COULD be the day that my new camera arrives. That day will be cause for great joy.

Yet another reason it could be a big day is that this very well could be "The End Of Days." With it being 6-6-06 and all, satanists, moviemakers and fire and brimstone evangelists will be screaming all day that this is THE day. Get your tinfoil hats out everybody, cuz WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

Well if it is, I wanted to send you off with an amusing story.

Sunday, someone I know (who shall remain nameless) walked into our local Best Buy to return his iPod FM modulator / charger because it didn't work to his satisfaction.

Nevermind that he bought it right after Christmas. Never mind that he had no receipt. He simply could not grasp why the assistant manager trainee wouldn't take back a six month old piece of "defective" equipment.

So this person, who shall still remain nameless, puts the FM modulator / charger on the counter, punches it, smashing it into pieces, and then says "Then you can stick THAT thing right up your ass!"

Man, I love temper tantrums by folks that lecture me about my road rage.

Another similar story was conveyed to us by my BIL's SIL. Apparently one of my BIL and his brother's friends (he's our friend too, but we met him thru my BIL years and years ago) had a similar experience at the Alpharetta Best Buy.

It seems that Scott was attempting to return a faulty television and the guy at the counter said "Well, we can send it to the factory for repair and you can get it back in a couple of months."

Scott replied "Ummm no. You can give me a new television and do whatever you want with this one that doesn't work."

Best Buy guy said no can do.

Scott went out to the car (two sons in tow), got the television, walked back into the lobby of the store, raised the television over his head and smashed it on the lobby floor and walked out of the store and went home.

I'm assuming he went home AFTER he stopped and bought another television from some other retailer.

Since the two tantrum havers used to be roommates, I'm starting to wonder if there wasn't some lead paint in the house they all used to share.

Have a great last day on planet earth everybody!! I'd say get drunk at lunch too, because I'd hate to waste the last day of man's existence on earth worried about what my stupid boss thought or caring what some stupid company policy had to say.

Shalom!!

I know that title might reflect poorly on me for those that don't know me and worse for those that do, but that sentence was uttered Saturday afternoon by 1Doh.

You see, we had plans for Saturday night. Sort of like a triple date. We were getting together at our neighbor's house with said neighbors and one other couple and each couple's respective children.

The eldest child of all three couples is four years old and were classmates this past year as well as soccer "teammates."

Anyway, a good time was had by all. There was next to no fit having save a couple of mortal wounds and some differing views on what everone should watch on DVD and from where. Further, the kids, as always, got along great.

However, the event that prompted me to write is this one.

Our hosts' next door neighbor lives on a VERY steep hill and, to the stage right side of his driveway, is a very steep grassy area. It turns out that three four-year-olds found that location ideal for some belly sledding.

That's right. Sliding down the hill head-first and heading towards the asphalt that makes up the cul-de-sac. It didn't phase the parents of the year nominees, as we were too busying having cold beers and conversation to really be watching.

That is until little Benjamin (halfway up the hill and facing Dominick who was at the top of the hill), pulled down his pants and underpants, hiked up his shirt and proceeded to paint a pee picture in the grass.

We all laughed. Well, his parents didn't laugh. They sighed and the mom said "See Russ!! I TOLD you he'd do that somewhere besides our yard."

Then, as if told by the Lord on high to retaliate, Dominick turned around, faced the bottom of the hill and proceeded to pee some penis peepee pirrouettes in Benjamin's direction.

At this point, I was so busy being doubled over laughing with Mark's other neighbor that I wasn't listening to the dialog, although I immediately remembered 1Doh saying that she wished she had a penis, and I'm pretty sure I had just witnessed a time where her having her own penis might have been helpful.

The cast for Surreal Life 8 has been announced (according to some reality blog).

"Reality Blurred blog is reporting that the cast for Surreal Life 8 will include Randy "Macho Man" Savage, Phil Hellmuth, Playmate Tina Jordan, and Type O Negative's Peter Steele."

I can totally see Macho Man there as well as any centerfold and some band's singer, but Phil Helmeuth? A nine-time World Series of Poker Champion who is on tv every other day it seems like? HE'S similar to Tawny Kitaen, Vanilla Ice and Erik Estrada? Really?

But it's a funny solution to the problem of how we can capture the illegal aliens currently in the US.

(For the record, it came from Boortz. Damn that redneck scrapbook is funny).

(This is a true story)

My brother in law across the street is many things:

A father.
A husband.
A son.
A brother.
A boater.
A hard worker.
A hard player.

One thing he is most certainly NOT is fond of the dentist.

It's funny. Here's a guy that I've seen pick up a rotting stinking 150 pound dead deer from his front porch without batting an eyelash, but he's a little nervous about going to the dentist.

Wait. That's not strong enough. Nor is the prior statement that he's "not fond" of the dentist. Let me see if I can put this in perspective. I think Todd would rather have a white hot rusty coat hanger jammed thru both of his eyes than go to the dentist.

So a month or so ago, he was having a little dental discomfort and broke down and went to the dentist. Said dentist told him he needed a root canal. Or four. Either way, he sucked it up and got the root canals done, and for that we were quite proud of him.

Not proud as in "You can pick out anything you want from the Wal-Mart toy section that's under fifty dollars" proud, but you know what I mean.

Fast forward to yesterday. Wednesday, the BIL and I had discussed the possibility of our two families going out for Mexican food together on Thursday and were set to go.

Then it was brought to GBD's and my attention that Nick was working and BIL had a meeting during dinner time, so the dinner was off for all we knew.

So I got home from work and recieved a phone call from GBD's middle sister saying that she was asked by the eldest sister (my neighbor) to call us and tell us that we weren't going out for dinner.

My reply was:

A) No shit. GBD and I have both talked to the queen and we both said that was fine.
B) Why is someone that is currently 200 feet from me calling someone six miles away to have them call me to tell me something I already know? Twice?

I called the Queen and asked her just that. She mentioned that in addition to what we'd previously discussed, another issue had come up at their casa. It seemed that the BIL had, without anyone's knowledge, gone to get his permanent crown installed yesterday afternoon. He did it this way so none of us would worry about him since we all know how fond he is of the dentist.

After covering all of that, he told this brief story. I will paraphrase, but I assure you that the result will be 100% accurate.

He went to the dentist, and everything was going along swimmingly. The office contained the Dentist himself, his top aide person, and two other nurse-type people.

As said Dentist was working on the crown and doing a little drilling, either the dentist slipped or the BIL did something like swallow or start doing the Alphabet Exercise with his tongue, but the result was the Dentist's drill inadvertently made contact with the fleshy area under the tongue right next to that little connecty thingy.

And by made contact, I mean that he stuck it into that spot so deep that the drill bogged down on him.

The dentist immediately ordered the two "other" nurses from the room and rushed to put in SEVEN STITCHES!!! Under his tongue!!!!

Are you kidding me? That's like one of those "I'd rather slide down a rusty razor blade into a vat of lemon juice" stories. It makes me shudder just typing it out like that.

To make the BIL feel better, we fetched him some Bruster's Ice Cream whilst he was at his meeting.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure that a live vermin would have to crawl out of his mouth before he'd go back to the dentist now, and I'm not sure I blame him for that. I'm pretty sure that's how I would handle it anyway.

When you're 16 or 21 or even 26, you hear old men (translated: your dad and the fathers of your friends) say things about the clothes people are wearing, the music they're listening to or anything else, and you think to yourself "Man, what a loser. I'll never end up like THAT."

Well, in the last year or two, I've started saying things like "I sure wish the kid in that toyota corolla with spinners and a spoiler would turn that Wu Tang Clan down," and "My kids will NEVER be caught DEAD in THAT!" and other old man things.

Then today, I stumbled across this picture. I want to preface this by saying that there's no way on God's green ball of dirt and water that I would ever just cruise the GAP site. Ever. This was a link I found on a site I read every day for amusement.

Anyway, here's the picture.


Now I will make the following statement:

I would, even at age 37, still feel compelled and quite driven to beat the shit out of a guy I saw wearing capri pants. If I was near a PRIDE parade or something, it would be quite different. But if, say, one of my nephew's buddies showed up at the house in these, I'd be given no choice but to throw him on the floor and give him a series of uber-painful purple nurples, Indian sunburns and even an atomic wedgie if I were so inclined.

So be warned, metro Atlanta. TMLSB is on the prowl, and he ain't cottonin' to no dudes wearing capris.

Although, the kicky thongs might have to go on my wish list...

I need some advice and / or information from you, my readers.

We have really ratcheted up the number and different types of photos that we take over the last few years, and now I'm at the point where I'd like to take the next step in photography and make the move to an entry level Digital SLR camera.

I spent a decent amount of time taking pictures as a kid and even had a hand-me-down Minolta SRT100 in high school in college.

So anyway, I've been doing a good bit of research and handling of digital SLR cameras, and I've narrowed my choices down to two:

The Nikon D50 and the Nikon D70s.

If any of you have any experience with either of these cameras or know of anyone who does, I'd appreciate any input or information or guidance you can offer me.

Today the wife had to take the kids for their four year and six month checkups respectively. I didn't envy her at all. I think 1Doh knew in her heart of hearts that she was in for a shot, and she KNEW 2Doh was, so there had to be some tension in the minivan.

GBD upsold the event by telling 1Doh that because she was big and four years old, she got to pee in a cup today. I don't understand why she (or any kid) would give a shit about that, but apparently they do.

Here are a couple of camera phone pictures from the visit:



Oh, and just an FYI. We (against better judgement) stayed up until midnight to watch "For Love of The Game" last night, and 2Doh promptly needed feeding at 12:30am, then needed a pacifier at about 1:30am, then 1Doh came in for a ninja visit (sold to me as "daddy, I can't find Piggy!" complete with sticking out lower lip.

Then there were two more pacifier trips followed by a 4:30am feeding.

Shit am I tired...