So I called the vendor today and they were very cool about the whole thing. They are emailing me an RMA number which I will use to return everything in the primary camera box (lens, battery, body, manual, strap) and send it back. Upon receipt, they will express ship me my replacement.

Also, I keep my extended warranty thingamadoogy and just call them to register the new serial number when the new one arrives.

This is already better than I thought it'd be. Even with my impatient ass just wanting to go get it fixed, I know the right thing is to get a new working unit.

More to follow....