Today we went for another ultrasound to confirm what we already knew, and that is that I will soon be the lone male adrift in a sea of estrogen. Lauren has now acknowledged both that she is having a baby sister and that she will be a big sister. For any of you that know her, you know that this last step looked to be the toughest. She kept insisting that she was going to be a big brother. Sigh…

Anyway, while at the ultrasound, Lauren (after returning from the bathroom) asked me (in front of eight or so strangers in the ultrasound waiting area) “Daddy, did you hear my poopies go down?”

“Yes honey. Of course I did.” (Not true, but who wants to fight that battle at the OB/GYN’s office.

A quick sidebar here. After waiting for about 45 minutes in the waiting room, we got “the call” and headed back to the ultrasound room. However, we were re-directed into an ultrasound waiting area. Why did I have to move at all? I mean, this is like at Six Flags when you are in that forever fucking long line for the Mind Bender and when you get to the front (after two hours), you realize that only one third of the line was outside, and you’re not getting on the Mind Bender any time soon.

From now on, just leave us out front until it’s our turn for real. If the lobby’s full, I understand, but making us move to a different set of chairs is just silly.

Anyway, I return you to today’s blog…

“Did YOU make poopies at your office today?”

Egad. No win situation. Ignoring this question results in it being asked again, only more loudly, while answering in the affirmative in front of eight strangers doesn’t make me too happy either.

“No honey.”

Ah, life as the parent of a three year old.

Anyway, the reason I tell you this is that I had a funny thing happen a few months ago that I shared with some of you but not all, and it came up this weekend again and I had forgotten how funny it was.

One Saturday morning this spring, Lauren and I went to Best Buy to pickup a vacuum cleaner. We got to the store early and were goofing around outside, playing hide and seek and crap like that, when a girl who we’ll call Tiffani, (appearing to be about 18-25) that worked there started talking to Lauren and I and just killing time.

About ten minutes later the store opened and we all went inside, Tiffani to her register and Lauren and I to the vacuum cleaner area.

We got our desired product and headed for the checkout, where we saw Tiffani. She talked to us again for a few minutes while we processed the transaction, and all of a sudden, Lauren looks up at Tiffani and says “My daddy makes tooters and sometimes they stink.”

Inside I’m thinking “Ummmm….what the fuck did you just say? WHAT?!?!?!”

Outside, I’m a cool customer, act like it didn’t happen, and continue with the keypad.

Tiffani looks at Lauren and says “excuse me?” Perhaps she hadn’t heard Lauren. However, I think she said “excuse me?” out of shock more or less, and probably meant for it to be internal dialog.

Nevertheless, upon hearing “excuse me,” Lauren said:

“I SAID MY DADDY MAKES TOOTERS AND SOMETIMES THEY STINK!!”

I looked at Lauren, then directly into the shocked face of you Tiffani. All I said was “Well Tiffani. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you. I feel confident that if I ever come back to buy something and you’re here, you’ll remember us. Thanks and have a nice day.”

Then I walked out of Best Buy with a vacuum cleaner in one hand, Lauren’s hand in the other, and completely and thoroughly embarrassed, and yet somehow pleased that my daughter had said such a thing in public AND at my expense.

I can’t wait to hear what the next one has in store for me. Hopefully she’ll focus on embarrassing her older sister and leave me out of it…