Have I told you about the 5 year old girl across the street? Well, something happened yesterday afternoon that topped anything I've seen so far.

It's late afternoon around 4ish, and the TML's and the across the street in-laws are out in the yard, enjoying the day, even flying kites if you can believe it. It was perfect.

Then, out of nowhere, THEY show up and join us.

the folks are nice (if not a little loud) but good people. But the 5 year old is the one that screamed "I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING SCHOOL!!" in front of 20 moms and their kids at the bus stop the first week of school.

Anyway, we're playing and goofing around and, as is usually the case, child X is acting up a little and draws the ire of her father. The father (I'll call him LOUD TALKING GUY) says "CHILD X, YOU ARE NOT BEING A GOOD EXAMPLE. DO YOU WANT TO GO HOME OR BE GOOD? COME OVER HERE AND TELL ME YOUR DECISION!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!! FOUR!! FIVE!! TELL ME YOUR DECISION!!! HAVE YOU MADE YOUR DECISION?!?!?!?"

All the while, child X is totally ignoring him, but for the nose thrust upwardly in the air and both hands brazenly planted on either hip.

By the way, I'd like to add something here. I don't believe in counting for your kids to get them to obey you. I count to see if Lauren will do things faster, like getting her shoes or cleaning up the playroom or getting to the tub at night, but not as far as a behavior consecquences game. Mostly because I've never seen it work for very long. The kids end up stalling and trying to push the parents, and eventually 3 becomes 4 and then 5, and then the parent just looks foolish.

So, LOUD TALKING GUY grabs her by the arm to walk her across the street to her house for a few minutes of discipline (cough cough...unlikely), when child X shouts the following very clearly and in the proper context:

THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!

Ummmmm....what? What the fuck did she just say? I looked over (carefully) at my brother in law who was sitting across from me in a camp chair and next to child x's mother, and I thought his eyebrows were gonna jump off his face they went up so fast. I had heard right then. This child had just said "THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!"

As the dad was walking her inside, the mom said "I bet she's gonna get a spanking and a mouthful of soap for that..."

Five minutes later, out come LOUD TALKING GUY and child X tear stained, but no worse for the wear considering.

Then, it was back to blatant disobeying and being a shitty influence on my kid. Child X dumped a bottle of bubbles in the fountain on my deck repeatedly, she dumped out the beer cooler despite repeated warnings against suck behavior, and she continued to play in the fountain after being asked by her parents and us to stop.

Then, when child X was told something and threw her nose up, eyes closed, with her hands defiantly on her hips and MY child did it immediately thereafter, things reached their zenith.

Lauren was then taken inside shortly thereafter and told that, regardless of how other children acted, she was to use her manners and good behavior at all times, ESPECIALLY when other children misbehave. She was also told that we were embarassed and extremely disappointed.

She cried.

She came back outside and apologized to every parent for not using her manners and proceeded to ingnore child X as though she had the plague. LOUD TALKING GUY and his wife didn't even seem to notice.

My question is, would any of you have even survived if you had said those magical words in earshot of your parents, let alone AT THEM???

We are now in serious discussions about no longer letting that child anywhere near mine.
The gravity of the situation is still only slightly overshadowed by my hysterical internal laughter at a 5 year old uttering that magical phrase and living to tell about it.