Because several issues interest me right now, I'll go ahead and throw them all into one entry. That way, you can skip the whole thing by just waiting 30 seconds and clicking the magic number (if you're a blogexplosion or blogmad user).

MLB's Steroid "investigation"

Bud "The spineless weasly sex toy of the owners" Selig announced yesterday that he was opening a "GASP!!" investigation into steroid use and the use of other performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball since the league started testing for them in September of 1992.

On the face of it, this sounds like a great idea. It really does. However, there are glaring problems.

First, the guy appointed to head the investigation is former Senator George Mitchell. Sounds good...right?

Wrong.

He's currently a director of the Boston Red Sox. He's the Chairman of the Board of the Walt Disney Company, owners of ABC tv and ESPN, the cable network that just happens to hold the broadcast rights to Major League Baseball. Does that sound "fair and impartial" to you?

Also, what actual authority does this guy have? I mean, I picture it going something like this:

Mitchell or Mitchell lackey: So (insert player name here), have you ever done steroids?
Player: Is this a legal proceding?
Mitchell: Ummm...no.
Player: Are there any federal agencies or government officials involved?
Mitchell: Well, no.
Player: Are there any subpoenas here?
Mitchell: Umm...no. See, we were just sort of hoping you and the owners would tell us everything. You know, risk your eternal credibility, your next contract, fan support, etc., just because we asked. So whaddya say? Have you ever juiced?
Player: Two things. One is that no, I've never done steroids and two: Blow me.

And this is the mild version. Wait'll he interviews the owners about what they knew and when they knew it.

What a joke.

As usual, baseball sort of looks like they're doing the right thing, but they really aren't, and it's insulting.

Selig should have found a way to kickoff a federal probe with subpoenas and courts and judges and depositions where perjury is a felony. Even though Palmiero perjured himself in front of congress along with Americas favorite "no habla Ingles"er Sammy Sosa and Mark "I know we're here to talk about steroid use in the past, but I want to talk about the future, not the past" McGwire, you still have to believe that perjury charges pending will scare SOMEONE into telling the truth.

Christ, Billy Beane admitted he was a gay athlete (GASP!!!) without a subpoena, and Jose Canseco not only admitted steroid use, he waved it like a flag. For once I say Good for you, Jose. You did the wrong thing (a LOT), but in the end, you did the right thing and it may save baseball in spite of itself.

That said, Bud Selig has done more damage to baseball than 1,000 Gary Bettmans (NHL Commissioner charged with blowing a season and the Cup playoffs due to a strike) could ever do.

Congrats Bud. You're the man.


Next up, the Duke University LaCrosse team rape investigation.

Needless to say, I don't know 1/100th of the facts in this case, but lets just say that we can all agree that fourty eight eighteen to twenty two year olds plus two strippers does not equal good sense.

I hope to God these two women can recover someday regardless of what the courts say. But I'm thinking back just 20 years to college and I can't for the life of me figure out where it went from going out getting drunk and banging fat chicks to gang raping strippers.

First, there's the money factor. No one I knew had any. If we had twenty bucks, it was spent like this:

$18 for beer (Milwaukee's Best was $5.99 a case at the time)
$2 for eight for a buck Ramen Noodles.

That's it. And we usually had to search the car seats and sofa and the dryer to find that much. Where does anyone in college get enough money to hire two strippers?

And was it a special occasion to hire strippers? Like maybe someone's birthday? I mean Jesus man, when it was my birthday in college, do you know what my friends got me?

Drunk. And a meal. Maybe. But that's it. No hookers. No strippers. None of that. Nor should they have.

I think (believe it or not) that the internet and the movie / tv show Jackass has a lot to do with stuff like this. See, there are plenty (and I mean PLENTY) of sites that show college kids doing crazy shit like stripping (both in private and in public), having gang bangs, beating up bums, shooting innocent folks with paint ball guns (or worse), etc. We just didn't do that shit. Any of it. And if we did, we certainly wouldn't have been stupid enough to tape it and broadcast it on the internet. (Backing up my belief that, despite whatever advantages and teaching they've gotten, teenagers are truly retarded and lucky to survive every day they leave the house).

I truly believe that the "Jackass" mentality of teens today is the other problem. Ever since the inception of the show which featured harmless crap like sledding down a hill on a shovel in the summer or stapling letters to your bare ass, they've tried to one up each other, culminating in the show "Wild Boys" and the movie Jackass. While somewhat funny (in a crass, 7-year-old laughing at someone peening their pants kind of way), it's now crossed the line.

Kids don't understand that there's a difference between five 30 year olds on screen all agreeing to take part in this stuff and four varsity football players terrorizing another student. It's not the same and it's not okay.

If they're guilty, I hope these elitist shit-asses at Duke get the book thrown at them and see some civil cases as well. Someone has to stop the wink and a nod acceptance of this idiocy.


And finally today, it's become public news that former stripper and media and attention whore Anna Benson is divorcing her husband, Oriole starting pitcher Kris Benson. All I can say is "Thank GOD and I hope he gets custody of their kids."

If you don't know who she is, you should check out the FHM interview she and her husband participated in just a few weeks ago. I meant to write about it when it happened, but I was too stunned. Or maybe I did and can't find it now. But either way, it's ridiculous. He should be divorcing her.

I am going to post the text of her interviewing her husband for FHM just so you can see what a disgusting whore she is. And quite a mother to boot. Enjoy:

KRIS: I get some butterflies in the stomach. But I think you handle that stuff well. The thing is, you’ve always told me that. It’s been a running joke since we started going out. It caught the people who aren’t really in our circle by surprise. But our friends hear that all the time. I guess now that Howard Stern’s on satellite radio, there’s no limit to what you can say.

KRIS: Miss Oklahoma. She won the Miss America pageant, didn’t she? I had her scouted out from the beginning.

KRIS: If you’re a brunette and you have certain assets, you definitely move to the top of the list.

Kris: You’ve got to have some skills.

KRIS: Sometimes you talk in the megaphone voice. When you can’t control the volume, that’s when I tell you to turn it down a notch.

KRIS: Well, the bedroom is our only sanctuary. At around 9 p.m., the kids have to be in bed and the door gets locked. By about 10 p.m., it’s lights out.

KRIS: I give in once in a while.

KRIS: Well, she was interested in a boy recently and he looked like he was a man. He was 16, so that was out. I can see this being a problem down the road, because when you were growing up. . . .

KRIS: I was going to say that guys were pursuing you at an early age because of the size of your breasts.

KRIS: Well, if someone comes around to date our oldest girl, I may have him clean my AR15. That’s a military assault rifle. He might have to see that or my .50-caliber handgun. He probably wouldn’t make it past [our] 10 dogs.

KRIS: I try not to even think about that.

KRIS: You made that promise to me, what, a year-and-a-half ago?

KRIS: Jesus.

KRIS: I thought it might happen during spring training, which would have been terrible. You have to change teams, find a place to live during spring training, find a place to live in Baltimore. It’s a lot with the kids in school. Leo Mazzone, my new pitching coach, has reassured me that he’s going to show me some stuff that’s going to help my career. I’m excited.

KRIS: I’m sure it’s not going to stop, but it should slow down a bit. I’m going to be going to new cities now, and I’m sure I’m going to get asked about you, but it comes with your career. I’m more conservative than you are, so not having to comment so much will give me a chance to relax and do my thing.

KRIS: They joke about it. Some guys, I’m sure they don’t like some things you say, but they won’t come out and say it.

KRIS: I think talking about baseball is boring. So I find all this pretty entertaining. I think it’s funny listening to all these grown men sounding like little girls when they talk about you. You know they get their little panties in a ruffle.

KRIS: Well, I think they’ll see the real you and not the tabloid you—someone who’s charitable and wants to help people. Baseball is such a short career in the grand scheme of things, and we’re going to live our life to the fullest. Just because I’m playing baseball, I’m not going to stop you from living your dream or having fun while I’m doing it. There are so many other things out there besides just playing baseball. I really don’t care what other people think.

KRIS: Divorced?

ANNA: We’ll split up like Bruce and Demi. We’ll be best friends and live next door to each other, so we can have sex every once in a while, and we’ll both get lovers who are 20 years younger than we are. FHM


Have you picked yourself up off the floor yet? And I don't think this interview even mentioned her ultimatum issued right after Kris signed with the Mets. She went on Howard Stern and said that if Kris ever cheated on her, she'd "sleep with every one of his teammates."

And if you'll notice in this article in the NY Daily News, she is confusing the word "us" with the word "Kris" prior to the trade to Baltimore occurring.


The bombshell wife of Mets pitcher Kris Benson blew up at the Amazin's yesterday for trying to trade her husband - and charged her negotiations to pose nude for Playboy were to blame.

Sexy Anna Benson insisted she's not baring it all anytime soon and ripped the Mets for shopping her hubby just a year after signing him to a four-year deal.

"We would never, ever have signed with New York if they had said they were going to trade us," said Anna Benson, 29. "I was Miss [Politically Correct] for the Mets the entire time I was there.

"I have no deal with Playboy," she said, adding that talks crumbled last month over money.

The pinup model also blasted the team for signing Carlos Delgado, who she suggested is unpatriotic because he has, in the past, refused to stand for the playing of "God Bless America."

"How are they going to sit there and say it's so controversial when they sign someone like Delgado, who turns his back on our flag?" Anna Benson said.

Still, posing in her birthday suit would be as American as apple pie, said Benson, who once threatened to sleep with the entire Mets team if she caught her husband cheating.

"Playboy is all-American. Everyone from Marilyn Monroe to Cindy Crawford has posed," fumed Benson, who once posed topless for Penthouse. "They didn't turn their back on the flag."

Mets brass have acknowledged trying to move Kris Benson and his $7.5 million salary, and insiders say management is uncomfortable with the prospect of Anna Benson posing nude for Playboy.

But a team spokesman shot down the trade rumors and insisted there would be no ruffled feathers in Flushing over a Playboy pictorial.

"We do not make moves based on anything the players' wives do," said Mets spokesman Jay Horwitz. "We know she's trying to build a career for herself and we wish her well."

Kris Benson, 31, had a so-so first full season with the Amazin's, going 10-8 with a 4.13 earned run average.

But Anna Benson angrily called the Mets out for saying they planned to build the team around him when they inked the free agent to a deal last year.

"They wanted [veteran pitcher] Tommy [Glavine] to school him, and then they turn around and trade us?" she asked. "The whole thing is upsetting to everybody."

The hot-under-the-collar hottie says she's also angry because the couple came to New York, in part, to help 9/11 charities. Some $1 million in Kris Benson's contract is earmarked for charitable donations.

"We wanted to help the city because of 9/11," Anna Benson said. "We specifically did it for New York, and then they turn around and trade us? I just don't understand."

Anyway, it's good to see that this marriage didn't work out.

(Of course, it is convenient that she waited until after he got the Oriole contract before she left him. Baseball's disgruntled wives are good at that. Tom Glavine ex waited until he got his huge deal before she filed as well. Coincidence?)

Sorry for the randomness of the ranting. I figured it was easier to get it all out at once. Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend if I don't blog again today. But you know I will.

I always do...