A recent phenomenon that is causing trouble in the TMLSB house is what the title says:

The red things in her eyes.

Confused? I sure was.

This started a couple of weeks ago when urchin 1.0 said that "she was scared of the red things...you know...in my eyes."

Ummm...no honey. I have no earthly idea what you're talking about here. Quite frankly, I was just getting comfortable with you being scared of the "fire bweaving dwaggons" in your room. What are these red things you speak of?

So I've been able to dismiss this for a while, but last night, in the midst of a Category 5 freak the fuck out by urchin 2.0 at around 8:15pm or so, the wife comes in to the TMLSB workout area / office and says "either take this one or go deal with the red things in her eyes. She's really scared."

Following the advice of my good friend (who has extensive military training and can jump out of a plane for no good reason other than that someone has either opened or left open a door on said aircraft), I opted for taking the older child and the associated issues.

A sidenote here. Said friend (I'll call him MadSapper) and I were having a conversation long before urchin 2.0 was born and he gave me some advice that I now hold dear. He said "Dude, the best thing I can tell you is this: When the time comes that both kids are screaming (not if my man, but when), simply hurry to the oldest one and shout to your betrothed "I've got 1.0!!!" and simply move on with business. It's usually infinitely easier to soothe or quiet the older one than the second urchin."

Since he's seldom steered me wrong in the past, so I've held this advice close and waited until it proved usable, and last night was it.

Upon arriving in 1.0's room, I found a blubbering mass of hair and pink pajamas.

"What's wrong?" I asked, and she went into the tear-filled rendition about the red things in her eyes.

Then it dawned on me what the problem was. From where she lays in bed, she's aimed right at the dresser lamp (which we keep on with a 10 watt bulb at her request).

Anyway, what she's seeing are those spots you see when there's light on the other side of your closed eyelids.

I explained this phenomenon, and she didn't get it. Nor did she stop crying.

(Damn you MadSapper. Maybe I SHOULD have taken 2.0 instead).

Then it dawned on me.

I took the flashlight from her nightstand that we use to read books before bed. I turned it on and placed the lens against her downward facing palm and her entire hand lit up and turned red.

She was amazed and asked "How you do dat daddy?"

I calmly explained "Baby, you have blood inside you and anywhere your skin is thin like your hands, fingers, toes or eyelids and light goes thru it, you're going to see red. Now, we can shut off the nightlight / lamp to make it go away, but you don't have to do that. We can just move along now that we understand what the problem is. What do you want to do?"

She replied "Let's leave the light on. I'm very tired."

I kissed her goodnight (again) and went back to the gym-office.

How about that? Another fear explained away by SuperDad, and SuperMom got 2.o calmed down as well, so everything was all good after that, and we settled in for a nice quiet viewing of "Lost."

Thanks MadSapper.