I was reading an entertaining blog this morning and the author mentioned a list of things about the show "24." I went and found the list and, although it reminds me of the Chuck Norris line of jokes, some of them made me laugh, so I wanted to post them for you here. (Also, thanks to buddytv for these):

Top One Hundred Facts

1. The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.


2. Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.


3. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.


4. RIP Edgar If you see this give it a 10. Just cuz it's what Edgar would have wanted. :(


5. Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.


6. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".


7. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.


8. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.


9. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.


10. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's ****ing beef.


11. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.


12. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer ****ing hates lemonade.


13. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.


14. Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.


15. Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's ****ing Jack Bauer.


16. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.


17. There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.


18. Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.


19. Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."


20. In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.


21. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.


22. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.


23. Don't beg Jack Bauer to shoot you. He will simply shoot your wife. No man tells Jack Bauer what to do.


24. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.


25. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.


26. It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.


27. Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that ***** went to the hospital first.


28. When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."


29. Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.


30. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.


31. If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.


32. Jack would never have given up the wet list... no one takes potential kills away from Jack Bauer.


33. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.


34. Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.


35. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.


36. On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.


37. Jack Bauer's influence is so strong that with one call to the NCAA, the deceased, former director of CTU George Mason was able to make it to the Final Four.


38. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.


39. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.


40. Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.


41. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.


42. There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.


43. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better ****ing do it.


44. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.


45. Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "<>
    
46. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the **** have you done with your life?


47. Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.


48. Chase Edmunds waited until he was sure Jack Bauer was dead before he dumped Kim.


49. In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?


50. Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."


51. Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.


52. Quetin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.


53. One bank did a commercial with Jack Bauer in front of a vault. They haven't been robbed since.


54. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.


55. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Stalin and Hitler so they wouldn't have to bear witness to what he'd do to Nina.


56. In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."


57. Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're ****ing dead."


58. There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.


59. If Jack Bauer shot you while quail hunting, it wouldn't be an accident.


60. When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".


61. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.


62. When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.


63. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.


64. Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.


65. There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.


66. Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.


67. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.


68. When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.


69. Jack Bauer shops at Costco... without membership.


70. My parents told my little brother and I that Jack Bauer was "just a television character". We are now orphans.


71. When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.


72. Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.


73. Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.


74. During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.


75. If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.


76. "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm ****ed".


77. Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team.


78. Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.


79. Jack Bauer once called the Vice President "Mr. President", but realized his mistake and shot the President. Jack Bauer is never wrong.


80. Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.


81. If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.


82. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.


83. If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer.


84. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.


85. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.


86. Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because He's a *****.


87. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.


88. Jack Bauer makes onions cry.


89. All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.


90. After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.


91. Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.


92. Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After four minutes of interrogation, they admitted Jack Bauer was God.


93. Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.


94. The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music.


95. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.


96. Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret.


97. Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.


98. Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.


99. You walk into a bar and Jack Bauer's your wingman, you're probably gonna get laid.


100. One time The Rock raised his eyebrow to Jack Bauer. This is why he is no longer able to wrestle.

These are similar to me to the "yo mama so fat" jokes kind of, and they almost always make me chuckle. Look for more of this kind of crap today. I'm looking for quantity not quality, so this is what you get from me. A lot of Ctrl-A, Ctrl-C and Ctrl-Ving.