I play on a racing messageboard in some of my spare time (and some of my work time, but don't tell anybody). I've made some cyber-friends there as well as real in person ones (see Ethel), and it's generally a good time for all (trolls not included).

Well recently one of the founders, MrsCableracer, started a thread called "Ask me anything," and people did. Then, my friend Ethel did one as well, which inspired me to plagiarize the idea for myself, and the only difference was that I stated that I would prefer not to be asked rhetorical questions like "Does the Pope shit in the woods?" or "Why is there air?"

Anyway, after about a week of this, I thought I'd post the results here. Hope you enjoy them.

Nuggie99 wrote:

When are you going to make GBD post to her blog?

you know, there are many questions about that. Number one, our family website hasn't been updated since 2Doh was about 11 minutes old.

second, she made me help her do that and help her pick a name so she could comment, and now she doesn't.

third, since we got her the laptop, or as I call it, the mixed blessing, she spends 99% of her free time on it working on her own messageboard.

(luckily for her, sex with me requires only a portion of her remaining time, so I'm not really all that inconvenienced). It leaves me free to play xbox and mess with my camera and talk to you guys.

Wrangler#3 wrote:

When are you paying me back the 100G's you never borrowed from me?

If you really knew me at all, you'd know that the only thing you could borrow from me is debt. I've got plenty for everybody.

TazChick29 wrote:

I read where you imbibed last weekend...Which of the Cs did you pee on? Couch, corner, closet, clothes?

first of all, I imbibe every weekend. I am willing to do many things for my health: quit smoking, exercise, take vitamins, eat better, etc., but I'm not giving up one of my favorite hobbies: drinking socially.

That said, surprisingly enough, all four C's were intact and, more importantly, dry each morning last weekend. Must be all the clean living I'm doing.

Oh, if I were to have taken bets though, I'd have bet on C: my (office) CHAIR.

BUDGYRL wrote:

Why are you such a copy ?

1) I'm very insecure. Always have been. This seems like a way to get people to play with me.

2) It's a cool idea. I meant to do it after Mrs. C. did, but I forgot. I was probably busy peeing somewhere.

3) There aren't really all that many original ideas left for guys whose last names aren't Cuban or Gates or something. My last name's Berger and I'm a dumbass.

black3 wrote:

What is Po Po Zao?

Po Po Zao is, according to teh internets:

Popozao is written as one word and with a tilde over the 'a' like this: Popozão. It comes from Rio Funk slang and just means 'large, yummy ass'. A woman endowed with a Popozão is called a Popozuda. (Google image search link). Theoretically, a man would be a Popozudo but, arguably, large asses on men aren't yummy.

Po Po Zao is a song that, thru no talent or skill of the author or performer, will make him money, mostly since people like ethel buy it as a joke. Remember, people have been elected like this.

Ethel wrote:

1. When are you going to work on getting yourself a tivo? B. What the hell is that smell? 3.1415927. Who will be booted off Rockstar tonight? Three and a half. Why do I still call it Rockstar: INXS? Fore. What color undies am I wearing?

1. No tivo should be this hard to get. It's cheaper to just get one.
ii: i just farted at my desk. How'd you know?
Pi: i don't know, but I hope it's that evanonsense girl.
5-1.5: Because apparently rockstar supernova is about to be against the law to use since the band still exists (a punk band that's still making records in socal)
foe: trick onne, but I'm gonna say red. but soon that'll be none since you'll be at home posting nude or at least pantyless.

chopper pilot wrote:

How do you get the tilde over the letters? Why do you look so angry in that red room?

I have no idea about tildes beyond using MSWord.

I have no idea, but it's pretty cool how that came out.

BUDGYRL wrote:

Why is it that certain coworkers walk into my cube to look at my screen when it's purpously hidden so those coworkers won't be so damn nosey? Why can I not remember the correct spelling of certain words no matter what I do? Why is there a coworker standing directly outside my office staring into space and when will she stop?

a: I don't know, but I think it's worse to occasionally misspell a word like I do with maintenance about half the time.

2: I hate that. I intentionally face my display inward to avoid that issue, and folks still do it. When that happens, I just close the lid.

Nine_Cats wrote:

Why is BUDGYRL asking so many questions instead of working on her "100 Things" post for her blog?

she's busy helping you not do yours.

TazChick29 wrote:

When will Nine quit being such a skeerdy and work on his "100 Things" post for his blog? Who invented the tube top strapless bra and were they thinking? The Taz twins no.likie.

If it wasn't me it should have been. I love both ideas. Tubetop and strapless. I don't care what the twins likey. Me likey plenty-0.

Ethel wrote:

Why am I so freaking hungry today and why am I craving meat?

you're lacking protein (in one form or another). I recommend a turkey sammich.

or a blow job. Giving one I mean.

danimal wrote:

Ethel wrote: Why am I so freaking hungry today and why am I craving meat? TMLS, how long will it take me to get there?

at least 8 hours. You will polish the dolphin at a traffic light, fall asleep and wake up in time for work tomorrow.

sorry.

chopper pilot wrote:

What is the purpose of water-saving toilets with the small tanks? You have to flush the fuckers twice to clean 'em out

great question. I was just thinking that today while I was flushing some...umm...gum.

See, in a regular old bowl (like at my parent's house) you just shat until you were done, tidied up and flushed and left.

Now, I have to flush during, at least once, then I inevitably have to flush during cleanup to avoid the plunging if I don't flush during cleanup. Every single trip is a minimum 3 flushes. Was the old toilet 3 times bigger? I don't think so.

I'm thinking of calling canada and ordering old flow toilets off the black market and just letting it be our little secret.

chopper pilot wrote:

Why does David Caruso, who plays Horatio Kane on CSI Miami, always have his head tilted down and to the right?

he's watching his film career spin down the toilet.

now, if he was at leadfoote's house, he'd be tilting it down and to the left.

chopper pilot wrote:

A Boeing 767-400 is flying at a ground speed of 525mph, leveled off at 35,000 feet altitude. Consider no head wind. How far will the plane go if it looses all power, including hydraulics?

doesn't matter. However far it's going, it's going right into the fucking ground. Or the water.

So the question is, where was it when it got p-fucked and ran out of fuel?

Blaatzee wrote:

What's the difference between a duck?

That's easy dumbass. Eleven.

Tiny Tim wrote:

What is the plug gap on a 2006 Ford F-350 with a 6.0L engine?

that's easy dumbass.

eleven.

right back atcha.

chopper pilot wrote:

Who coined the term "backbacon"?

blaatzee when referring to TL's hindquarters?

Ethel wrote:

Are we there yet?

if you have to ask whether or not you're anywhere, regardless of where "there" is, then no.

You're not there yet

Ethel wrote:

Does size matter?

it does to the guy with a small dick.

BillP wrote:

Tai kwon do or ching ching pao?

Tae Kwon Do. But mostly becuase my daughter can't say the other one. Neither can I, for that matter.

Nine_Cats wrote:

Button - zip or Zip - button?

tough one. I don't ever unzip the slacks, but if it's shorts, I go button then zip.

On the way down, it's the same.

Wierd.

Ethel wrote:

Why haven't I uploaded my race pictures?

because you're too busy at work covering for miss sore ass, and when you get home, you're too tired due to the lack of protein, so you try to sleep, but you can't because you are an occasional insomniac.

oh, and because you're too excited to see what potential supernova-esque rocker is going home tonight...

Ethel wrote:

How did you get to be so lucky that you ended up with GBD so you could make such stinkin' cute urchins?

I am the global definition of terms:

marrying up outkicking your coverage.

Ethel wrote:

Why didn't you answer my last question? What's for dinner? Are you going to watch The Office tonight? What did you get GBD for her birthday? What color am I thinking of? Who let the dogs out? Who left the cake out in the rain? Top bunk or lower bunk? Stairs or elevator? Sesame Street or Electric Company? Smurfs or Snorks?

Ethel,

sorry about that. I signed out (I think) and missed it. Lemme answer these now.

First, my parachute is Blue. As in Blue and Orange. As in Auburn Blue.

Dinner last night was a cheese sammich with mustard and some grilled chicken.

No. I was playing FIFA 2006 on my XBox instead.

A new laptop and desktop pc. That was her call to have that cover the b-day. And today I got her a couple of these.

The color you are thinking of is NUDE!!!

My Nephew Nick ALWAYS let's the dogs out. Or at least he lets the really dumb, not likely to find its way home dog out.

I don't know about the cake, but I left my Thermoworks Thermapen digital thermometer out in the rain the night you were at Casa de TMLSB. But don't worry. It's fine.

I can't believe you'd even ask the bunk question. I'm a pee-er ethel. Of COURSE I'd want the top bunk. DUH!!

Stairs down, but the elevator up in the morning. I can't hardly do shit at 6am.

I always thought the electric company was cooler, and I completely lost respect for sesame street when snuffalufagus stopped being invisible because it encouraged kids to lie to their parents about their friends or some such nonsensicle bullshit.

I remember the snorks, but the smurfs were all that and a bag of chips.

danimal wrote:

Are you going to make a pick for America's Favorite Race Game, RKO? It's not really America's Favorite Race Game, but I'm really, really insecure. Really.

I did, but thanks for the reminder.

danimal wrote:

Will I ever learn to check first, post later?

not with me. I have demonstrated a "pattern of behavior."

Ethel wrote:

Is it 5pm Central yet? Why are some people so mean? Why does it have to be so freaking hot this weekend? What air conditioned place should I visit to take pictures this weekend? Could you move Chicago and the ATL so they are a little closer together? Have you won the lottery yet?

yes. It's saturday now.

Because they're not as good as we are. Very few people are. It's tough to accept, but once you do, life is much easier.

Because Al Gore invented global warming. Wait, that's not it. It's hot because girls need to wear cutoff shorts and bikini tops.

If I were seeking air conditioned, climate controlled, target rich environments, I'd hit the chicago zoo and head for the reptile building. Cool and damp and dark with scary things there.

I tried before. I moved DeKalb here and made it a county. Turns out I can move town, but the building are very heavy and thus, the move is nearly worthless.

Dude, I am so over not having won the lottery yet. It's almost like the odds aren't in my favor or something. What gives?


More to follow...